'To those forgotten in the simplest ways. Oh, I hope you are loved warmly now.'
••••
I roamed through the halls; lazy light filtered softly through the stained glass windows with vaulted ceilings. The soft movement of dust and the coolness of the stone around me – I had almost settled in one of those sun spots like a cat. How the sun felt on my face reminded me of a home I cannot remember; walking through the interlocking bits of shade, the chill that settles in me is highly uncomfortable, even with all the layers of clothes on.
••••
[Name] walked through the castle, lost in his thoughts – he felt a bit lost as he didn't know what he was supposed to work towards. Maybe he should go to the barracks and train with the other knight? Or whole himself up in the library and learn more information about the setting of the world around him? In particular, their politics, history, or discourse among the nobles?
He decided that he could do both. If he wasn't allowed to do much, and there was not much direction or instruction as to what he should do – [Name] supposed that he could enjoy the break he was graciously given. He did miss Lucian's presence – the System seemed to be disappearing more over the recent days. [Name] reminisced about the times he spent with Lucian, and he couldn't help but feel slightly adrift without the System in his head – it wasn't necessarily a feeling of emptiness or yearning, purely the company and the conversations they would have. The talks brought more joy to [Name]'s than he could ever remember at any other point in time. Maybe it was due to [Name] travelling through so many worlds and not having many constants – the only constant being Lucian.
'Maybe that's why he has such a strong attachment to the other; it was a natural thing, bonding with things – humans love to affiliate themselves with anything,' Lucian considered in supposition.
••••
"Maybe, you shouldn't have been so brusque with them."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because, now they know, you know, they will be rearranging whatever schemes they had already planned out changed – other people that were in on those schemes will also adjust their behaviour accordingly."
Darnados glared at [Name] lightly out of the corner of his eyes, "Don't glare at me – you were the one who had made it obvious."
"Why do you seem more versed in politics than me? Aren't you a human of humble origin?"
"I am of humble origin, not uneducated."
Darnados looked down, "I do not mean to offend."
"And I've got thicker skin than you think."
The air was solemn, something heavy that hung between them – there was something else to be said, neither said a word. The silence clung to them like a shroud.
[Name] admired the architecture again; vaulted ceilings were his favourite – he could not look at them for too long, and [Name] would become too enamoured to the point where he'd feel dizzy. But, it was something he'd like to marvel at – even if it caused him nausea, an almost sadistic pleasure ran through his bones.
Darnados looked at [Name], and annoyance just bubbled in his stomach – grabbing a scroll, he launched it at [Name].
"What's your problem?"
Darnados continued glaring at [Name].
••••
There was something about entering the dining hall and noting that I stuck out like a sore thumb. The way the eyes all turned, the heavy weight of their gazes on my back and neck, it took everything in me not to dash out the door.
In addition, there was Lucian's absence – something that bothered me greatly, and I was starting to think that I was becoming dependent on him – he was someone that has been a constant in all these changing worlds, and now, even he was gone. Darnados and a few others, his friends. Well, the more trustworthy. The ones he has more exchanges with were with him and now hung around me for snippets of time.
The wine was harsh and angular. It dried out my mouth, but it did appeal heavily to me in some distinct way that I wasn't aware of.
The alcohol was taking its toll on me, albeit slowly. Everyone was chattering around me, the indistinct murmur of voices blurred into one, and suddenly, everyone had stood up – and in my haste, I had knocked my neighbour's drink over. There was a silence that fell, outraged silence that fell over then I was on the floor.
"You insolent being!–"
The voices were louder and angrier now, now turning around momentarily and looking for the door I had entered through. The strong urge to leave consumed me and I started pushing many of them out of the way – scrambling and clawing away at the people around me to get to the door.
••••
There was a delicacy on him – how someone so strong had crumpled. The disgust and discontent held in their gazes when they looked at him.
The surrounding nobles, in their beauty and coldness, stood over him. The overbearing sense of not being good enough bore down on him. Similarly, when [Name] stood up again, something in his very being trembled. Whether that was due to the embarrassment and shame or the fear of the unknown – it was something – although that something can be elusive.
Our feelings and emotions; turn into poison.
The burn in [Name] continued. He missed his first world – where he can still, distantly, recall how he had loved and was loved. It was the first place where [Name] was taken away from the monotony of his earthly life; yet, here he was, in a world, so distant, so remote, so isolated from the very things he had known prior.
Now, he was under judgement. Intense scrutiny of a lousy kind – where the gazes bore into your back, and you can feel the shrewdness crawl on your skin, ingraining themselves like ink from tattoo needles.
And he wished he was gone.