Nefretiri
I struggled, but I wasn't a match for an Alpha werewolf.
He held me against the wall, his body pressed against mine, my legs on either side of him, making it nearly impossible to move. It didn't stop me from trying, and I think it made things worse. Ivan predicted my movements and blocked me at every turn, his hand still against my throat. The thing is, he wasn't putting any pressure on me, just holding me there. I should be panicking, but I wasn't.
Ivan was angry but wasn't trying to hurt me.
"Stop!" his growl was low and commanding, but it did something else instead of triggering some sort of fight or flight instinct.
What was wrong with me?
That was the question of the night. Why couldn't I do anything intelligent with this man? Logic demands I run, scream, and beg for help, but I turn into a puddle of want and submission around him. It had to be this mate bond, which felt more dangerous than good. Was this my future? To submit to the wolf and do whatever he wanted? No! I couldn't live like that.
"Let me go!" I wasn't angry, but I sounded like I was. I was afraid of this wolf and the emotions he was stirring in me. His power washed over me, ripping me into pieces and putting me back together. A man's voice shouldn't do that to anyone.
Instead of listening, Ivan growled, crushing his lips to mine and undoing all the thoughts in my head.
What was happening? This wasn't the reaction I'd expected, and I didn't know what to do. The kiss was rough and punishing, but it had a delicious bite, nothing like the one we shared at the store. There was no time to breathe, one crashing over the other, Ivan's tongue sweeping across my bottom lip before exploring a little deeper, coaxing mine to do the same. It's angry and vengeful, which makes no sense, but I can't get enough.
"This isn't your fault," I can barely breathe when Ivan pulls away, his hand now on my jaw, not letting me look anywhere else but his eyes. "It's mine. So don't you fucking dare try to blame yourself for it!"
What was he talking about?
"How…?"
I didn't get a chance to finish my question.
Ivan kissed me again, the same anger making breathing impossible, but I didn't care. It was like he was feeding me the rage he felt, something I didn't know I needed. I've been angry for so long, but it was buried deep inside. Now, it was ripped open and free to fill my head. Suddenly, Ivan wasn't the only one making demands. So was I, my hands fisting his shirt, drawing him closer, which didn't feel possible.
"I should've protected you…" Ivan spoke between kisses, leaving a sting on my lips that I craved. I have never liked the roughness, but Ivan makes it burn like spices instead of needles, as Ricky does. "I should've come for you. I should've hunted you down when I felt your call."
What?
"Ivan…?"
I felt drunk, lightheaded, and confused. Ivan's kisses left me disoriented, but I knew what he said. How could he know where I was when we'd only met today? Only a few people knew about my situation, and none of them knew Ivan. It was impossible for him to help me when we had no connections.
"No…" He cut me off, laying more kisses on me before moving down my jaw, his hand moving to rest on my waist, sliding under my shirt. I loved how he touched my skin. The strange caress of magic eases everything and shrinks the world, so it's just us. Ricky could come in now, but I'm not sure I'd stop kissing this wolf. "None of this is your fault. I never want you to blame yourself for anything he's done. Understood?"
"But…" I wanted to obey to free myself from the guilt, but I couldn't.
"No!" Ivan was more insistent this time, adjusting me so my legs were wrapped around him, sending shivers along my spine. I've been more intimate with this man in a day than anyone in my entire life, and I don't want him to stop. "You've lived with this, and that's on me. I've felt your pain, Nefretiri. I don't know how, and honestly? That doesn't matter, but I thought I was crazy and ignored it. You were in pain, and I couldn't save you from it, from him. That isn't on you. You tried to run, but I wasn't there to protect you from him when he found you."
I couldn't speak.
"But… we didn't know each other…" I don't know where the compulsion to protect Ivan came from, but I couldn't let him take the blame.
It would've made things easier, but it wasn't right.
"It doesn't matter. I felt our bond…" He placed a hand over his heart, the pain evident on his face. This was hurting him, and it broke my heart. Whatever was happening between us was powerful and very fast. "I failed you… I… wasn't a good mate."
"Ivan…"
Part of me wanted to comfort him, and another needed to accept his blame and free myself of any for myself. However, something deeper drove me, refusing to let him take responsibility for something that was my fault. No one made me marry Ricky, even though I wish that was the case. Even with magic, there was no way for Ivan to have known what was happening. I avoided werewolves everywhere we went. So, he couldn't have heard about me through the grapevine either.
"You wouldn't have chosen him if you'd found me first..." How did he know what I was thinking? He couldn't have read my mind, could he? "You feel how strong our bond is already? Imagine if we'd met before all this. Do you think you would've chosen anyone else? Do you think I wouldn't have done everything I could to get your attention?"
That was a rabbit hole I wasn't sure I wanted to travel through.
It's strange to think about this in my husband's secret lair. A few seconds ago, I thought Ivan was going to kill me, but now I'm safely in his arms, questioning the what-ifs of my past. What if it'd been Ivan at the airport instead of Ricky? What if I hadn't missed my flight? What if Ivan was right, and I wouldn't have chosen Ricky?
'Three years and I've never felt safe with him...' For once, it's me talking internally and not the voices. It's calming, and I don't feel so nuts. 'One day with Ivan, I'm happy to be pinned against this wall. Is that... okay?'
"I didn't want you to know..." Thinking of an alternate universe where things were perfect wasn't helping me, so I went to the closest thought I could grab. Unfortunately, it was guilt-ridden, just like so much of my life. "I thought you'd hate me... for what he does to your kind."
"That's why you were scared," Ivan said, pressing his forehead to mine. Ivan nuzzled against me, his hands holding me up but also caressing my sides and hips. "You wanted to hurry back because you were afraid he'd come looking for you."
"I wasn't supposed to leave the house."
"I'm grateful you did."
"He won't stop hunting us..."
"Let him..." I was giving him an out, but Ivan wasn't biting. He looked even more determined than before. "I won't let him have you again. Whatever you want to do, I'll protect you. That's not going to change. You're my mate. You're mine."
"You saw what he's done... You're risking your life just by knowing me." Why was I fighting so hard for him to leave me? I wanted to go with him. I wanted to leave, but I didn't want him to regret it when things went bad, and they would. "He'll kill everyone he wants and won't lose any sleep over it."
"I'm not weak, Nefra." Somehow, Ivan managed to sound arrogant and gentle at once. It was impressive and eased a lot of my doubts. "Even if he comes, he won't beat me. I won't let him."
"Why?"
"Because I have something to fight for, he doesn't." I should be scared at how confident he is and how he calls me his. Those aren't normal things, but neither am I.
"You don't know anything about me."
"I know what matters," Ivan set me down, getting on his knees and exposing his throat. Something clicked in my head, and I stared at him in shock. I don't know what the gesture means, but it's important. "I swear I won't let him hurt you again. I'll take all your guilt and blame, even though you have no reason to feel that way. If I have to fight a war for you, consider it done. There is nothing I won't do to keep you and our pup safe."
"You don't have to do any of that." It felt too big. Like an oath, he was giving me, and I didn't want it. "I just... can we leave? I don't want to be here anymore."
"Yeah," I watched his body relax like he was holding onto all the tension in the world. I wondered if he was scared I'd change my mind. I couldn't. He had my daughter, but it was more than that. I couldn't go back to before today. "I need to get some pictures of everything. So give me a few minutes."
True to his word, Ivan didn't take long but was thorough, sweeping through every room and documenting everything. He even went through Ricky's documents, taking pictures of records, bank statements, and everything else he could find. I'd never gone this deep, but it didn't take long to realize Ricky's trophy rooms were a fraction of his business. The things we saw were his personal collection. The kills he did for fun were horrifying. As for the kills he did for money? There was no trophy of them, at least not here.
"What's in this room?" Ivan asked, trying to open the smaller room. "Do you have a key?"
"No," I looked at the set I was still holding, but there was nothing. "This... is a new lock. It wasn't here before."
"The Ghost," Ivan muttered, but I didn't know what he was talking about. "It's his handle. Look at this. It's on everything, including the records."
"He has it tattooed on his leg, too..." I had noticed the symbol but never thought it looked like a ghost. I thought it looked like a creature with two heads trying to eat each other, but now that Ivan pointed it out, I realized it could be a horror film ghost. "Can we go?"
"Yeah, let's go..." Before I locked up, Ivan grabbed several vials from the closet and slipped them into his jacket. I didn't say anything, following him upstairs to the den. "You've got everything?"
"I just need my stuff from the bathroom, and we can-"
Ivan tensed, holding his hand up for me to be quiet, and dread filled my heart.
Was I really that unlucky? Yeah, I was. The familiar sound of Ricky's car roared outside, and I realized we'd taken too long. Since I didn't have a phone, I'd grown fond of collecting clocks, and the one on the wall read twelve-thirty. How had it gotten so late?
"Stay here," I ordered, moving toward the front of the house. "He won't come back here."
"No," Grabbing my arm, Ivan pulled me back, his fangs gleaming in the light. They looked so menacing, and he was seconds from striking something. "I'll take care of him."
"Stop!" No matter how much I tried, I couldn't move Ivan. "Please. Let me handle it. He won't hurt me. We don't have to fight to get out of here."
"No," Ivan kept trying to move, but I fought to hold him back. "I can handle this."
I wasn't worried about that.
Not knowing what else to do, I rushed to the front of the house, making the bed and removing any trace of me being in there. Ivan was right behind me, growling in agitation. He didn't understand how much worse it would be if Ricky realized he was here. How many times did he accuse me of having a lover? Would he do what he promised if I ever brought someone home?
"Ivan! Please!" I begged again, pushing him toward the back of the house. "This way, we could just leave!"
He refused to budge.
So, I did the only thing I could think of. I kissed him. It took us both by surprise because I've never used my body to get what I want. That sounds like a lie, but I thought I was ace for a long time. Now, I realize I've been wrong about that. My problem wasn't a lack of desire and need. It was that I was missing this werewolf.
"Ten minutes..." Ivan snarled, kissing me again as we heard Ricky lock his car. "And I'm coming in to grab you."
"Okay..." I felt warm all over, the adrenaline mixing in with lust. I wasn't sure how I felt about Ivan, but I was the first to admit I wanted him. That was powerful and very dangerous. "Go..."
Reluctantly, he did, walking backward down the hall until he was back in the den. He turned off the light, making it impossible to see him, but I knew he was there, watching and waiting. It made the situation more risky, but I've never felt safer. Ricky wouldn't hurt me tonight; he never did, but I felt more at ease knowing Ivan was there if things went wrong. Now, I had to keep things from turning into a horror movie so I could leave and not worry about the cops.
'You look guilty!'
I did, so I closed Penelope's door, pretending she was asleep, and hurried to the bathroom.
"Diana!" I made it with a second to spare as Ricky opened the door, his voice booming through the house, sounding like a car engine that needed work. "Where are you, baby?"
Oh, fun, he was in a good mood.
"Bathroom!" I picked up my brush, detangling my hair. It needed it since Ivan had left it a mess.
Would he mind if I took scissors to it? Ricky liked long hair and never let me cut it. He'd even gone as far as hiding all the scissors in the house to keep me from doing it myself. It was a hassle to keep and gave me headaches, but he told me to suck it up and deal with it. Sometimes, I wonder if he plans to use it for some magical ritual, which is why I'd let it grow this long.
"Hey..." he appeared in the doorway, but I didn't turn to look at him. It was easier to keep brushing my hair. "I'm... sorry."
Really? Who got to him?
"It's fine..." It wasn't, but I was about to leave, so it didn't matter what he thought or said.
"No... it's not," he looked genuinely remorseful, which could only mean he'd talked to Melissa. She was the only person he was afraid of, and she didn't like him putting his hands on me. "You... keep the house clean and take care of the baby. I... didn't want to see that, and I got mad."
"It doesn't matter," It didn't, and if he kept talking, I couldn't be sure Ivan wouldn't strangle him from behind.
"You're still mad at me..." He took the brush and set it on the sink. "Come on. Come talk to me."
"Hey, sweetie," for the first time in my life, I was grateful to see Darla leaning against the couch. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine..." I pulled my hand away from Ricky, not wanting him to touch me. He flinched, hurt that I was rejecting him, which was laughable. "I'm just tired."
"I bet... Can I see the baby?" she looked toward Penelope's room, and I panicked.
"She's asleep," I instantly moved to block the hallway. Was it my imagination, or did I hear a growl? "If you turn on the light, she'll wake up, and getting her back down is hard."
That was all bullshit, but I didn't want anyone realizing Penelope wasn't here.
"That's fair... Did you eat dinner?" she sounded concerned, but I knew better. "You're breastfeeding, right? You need to keep your calories up. I know... losing that baby weight is important, but... I think you're taking it too far."
"I ate dinner..."
I wanted to walk up to her and slap the smile off her face. She knew I wasn't eating right. How often had she eaten her pastries and treats in front of me without offering me anything? How many times did she criticize me about my weight and how I was gaining too much for the pregnancy? Now she wanted to pretend she cared about me losing too much weight?
"Sapphire?" Ricky grabbed my hand, turning me around. I hated that nickname. He'd come up with it when we were dating and refused to stop using it. "I'm sorry."
"I told you... it's fine," I didn't want to deal with this, and I felt every second like it was a ticking time bomb. Technically, it was. "Forget it."
"Ricky?" Darla got his attention before he could say anything else, acting like a buffer between us. "Why don't you let D get some sleep? It's late, and I want to go out for breakfast tomorrow. Wouldn't that be nice?"