It occurred to Harry later that he really could have handled the picture situation a lot better than he did. For instance, he could have blown the camera up, petrified Draco, used a switching spell, summoned it…basically anything but what he did, which was absolutely nothing. Draco, on the other hand, sent the photo of the Boggart straight to Rita Skeeter, who wrote "Dungeons and Drag: The Secret Life of Harry Potter" which wasn't just an article, but a series of articles. Harry, naturally, had responded by suing for libel and won, forcing the Daily Prophet to print a retraction. The Wizarding World at large seemed to have forgotten about it by early October but the Hogwarts students…
"Hey Harry," Lisa Turpin, a Ravenclaw from his year, greeted him. "I was wondering if you could sign my new Harry-in-drag wall scroll?"
"Draco's selling wall scrolls now?" Harry asked incredulously.
"Oh yeah," Lisa nodded enthusiastically. "He said he got the idea from you and your incessant merchandizing you've been doing since last year."
"Damn him," Harry muttered, wondering whether he should drop that Narcissa-the-secret-Malfoy rumor after all or whether he really deserved this for the widely-accepted Snape-as-Draco's-father story he created. In fact, Sirius said that just last week Snape had gotten a letter from a lawyer offering to help him sue for partial custody of Draco. Needless to say, the Potions Master was not amused. Fortunately, he'd been riding so high ever since Rita Skeeter's first article came out that this new drop in mood just meant he was pretty much back to normal.
"So…will you?" Lisa asked again.
"Oh, fine whatever," Harry sighed as he took out his decidedly Muggle pen and quickly signed it.
"Thanks, Harry, you're a good sport," Lisa said cheerfully as she hurried away.
"Do you think I can persuade you to sign them before I sell them?" Draco's voice came from behind him. Harry turned around to watch the Slytherin staring at him with obvious amusement. "It would probably be worth more."
"Would I get a cut in the profits?" Harry asked automatically.
"Ten percent," Draco offered.
"Twenty," Harry countered.
"Fifteen," Draco compromised.
"Deal," Harry smiled. "Now you've got to tell me: why in the world were you in the teacher's lounge that day? I mean, were you stalking me or something? Or do you just take pictures of Hogwarts in your spare time?"
"I ran into Professor Snape a little after Potion's class," Draco explained. "He told me to get a camera and hurry to the teacher's lounge. I didn't have one, so I had to borrow Pansy's-"
"Pansy has a camera?" Harry interrupted. "I thought that was only Colin."
Draco rolled his eyes. "Pansy has apparently decided to follow your entrepreneurial example and has taken it upon herself to write a book for parents and new students (particularly Muggleborns) about what to expect, what the castle's like and the classes and she's including a lot of pictures."
"Man, I wish I thought of that…" Harry trailed off. "But wait…both of your families are ridiculously wealthy. Why would you even need to make money?"
"Why would you?" Draco shot back. "You're independently wealthy as well."
"Yeah, but you guys don't throw around money like I do and your parents are still around to find ways to accumulate more wealth," Harry pointed out.
Draco shrugged. "What can I say, Potter? It's nice to have some readily available cash without needing to go through your parents and Hogwarts can be really boring. But like I was saying, Professor Snape told me to go to the teacher's lounge and I suppose he thought I could get a picture of your worst fear or you looking terrified, but this worked out so much better, don't you think?"
"For you, maybe," Harry muttered.
Draco just smirked and walked away.
----
As Harry waited impatiently for the line to leave the Castle and go to Hogsmeade to shorten, he noticed a disturbance at the beginning of the line. Upon closer examination, it appeared that Lavender was crying and Parvati, Seamus, and Dean were attempting to comfort her.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked as he, Ron, Neville, and Hermione approached them.
"She got a letter from home this morning," Parvati whispered. "It's her rabbit, Binky. He's been killed by a fox."
"Oh," Hermione said. "I'm so sorry, Lavender."
"I should have known," Lavender angsted. "You know what day it is?"
"The Sixteenth of October?" Neville helpfully supplied. "The day that Professor Trelawney said something bad would happen to you?"
Lavender nodded and sighed tragically. "And not just that: I also got my period today!"
"You know what?" Harry said, feeling uncomfortable. "I think I forgot my money in my room. Coming Ron? Neville?"
"Dear God, yes," Ron said, practically pushing Harry towards the Gryffindor tower.
"We'll go with you!" Dean jumped in.
"Oh yeah, I think I forgot something as well…" Seamus said.
The moment the five boys were out of sight, they hid behind a wall.
"Psst, Ginny," Harry called out as he saw the girl in question walking by.
"What are you guys doing?" she asked, walking up to them.
"We're hiding from Lavender because she's talking to Parvati and Hermione about 'girl things,'" Harry explained.
"And so you're hiding," Ginny said, shaking her head in disgust. "Boys. What do you want me to do? Let you know when it's safe to come out?"
"That would be great," Harry nodded.
"Alright," Ginny agreed. "If you buy me a box of Honeydukes Chocolate."
"Hell, if you let us know when they leave so we can avoid them for the rest of the day, I'll buy you five."
Ginny smiled at the thought and, after a few more minutes passed by, let them know it was safe to go.
"Thanks Ginny, you're a lifesaver," Harry said gratefully as they got back in line.
"With the kind of heroics you get up to, it doesn't surprise me that you would think that," Ginny replied idly.
----
Since Hagrid's first lesson was such a resounding success (even if it did ultimately result in Draco's photo revenge that he was still milking for all its worth) he continued showing them exciting and rather dangerous creatures. Fortunately, Hermione managed to convince him to let them know in advance what they were going to be studying and everyone always made sure to be well-prepared as doing otherwise could easily land them in the Hospital Wing.
Potions was much the same as it had always been, with the exception that Neville was not putting a lot more effort into a class he knew he wasn't good at because he was worried that Snape would try to poison Trevor again with his potions if he screwed them up.
Professor Trelawney seemed convinced that Harry – or rather, his facial disfigurement – was a true prodigy and often let him off with less homework as he apparently did not need the extra help to establish his connection to his inner eye since he was already using it on a regular basis. Vaguely, Harry tried to remember the first time he'd used his scar excuse. He was fairly certain it was only supposed to be a one-time thing so he could do whatever he wanted/needed to do without having to bother with explanations for his future knowledge but somehow…well it was convenient. And he thought maybe the first time he bothered with that was when he went off to go blow Voldemort's cover his first year.
Sirius and Remus – both interesting if unorthodox teachers – had begun competing to see which class the students preferred. Sirius, of course, always had amusing lectures and answered whatever question anyone threw at him but Remus kept bringing in nice and non-lethal dark creatures. The end result, of course, was that History of Magic and Defense Against the Dark Arts were both more exciting than they'd been in years. Or possibly ever as Fred and George kept insisting that Binns had actually been hired by the Founders of Hogwarts themselves. Of course, that was highly unlikely, but since when had that ever stopped the rumor mill?
"Harry," Sirius's voice jolted him out of his thoughts.
"Yeah?" Harry asked.
"I couldn't help but notice that you received a postcard this morning, read it, set it on fire, then tried to set the ashes on fire. Care to tell me what that's all about?" Sirius sounded rather amused.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Lockhart wrote to say his new book's done, he's dedicating it to me, and to remember that 'there's no such thing as bad publicity.'"
Sirius laughed. "Well, for a man who's determined to make people remember him, I guess there wouldn't be. Is this about the posters?"
"Of course it's about the posters," Harry snapped. "Draco sells them to whoever walks by and yet has somehow managed to convince people that they're a collector's item. Are people really that stupid?"
"Do I really need to answer that?" Sirius asked rhetorically.
"Since when is Draco so good at this kind of thing, anyway?" Harry complained.
"That's just what you get for pissing off Narcissa," Sirius commiserated. "She is a scary, scary lady. How do you think Lucius managed to stay out of Azkaban? Besides, this will all blow over soon enough. It's not that funny."
Strangely enough, Harry didn't look comforted. "You have three hanging in your classroom!"
Sirius was unrepentant. "They're some of my only pictures of you, seeing as how I so cruelly abandoned you for most of your life…"
"I knew that was going to come back and haunt me sooner or later," Harry grumbled.
"Cheer up; I'm off to go plot revenge against Snivelly with Remus," Sirius said cheerfully. "Want to come?"
"Eh, why not?" Harry agreed as they set off to find the werewolf in question.
"Remus, are you busy?" Sirius asked, barging right in to Remus's office.
"Incredibly so, Sirius," Remus answered without looking up. "Two of the third year's Care of Magical Creatures textbooks attempted to eat their homework and I'm trying to decipher it."
"Wow," Harry remarked. "'My book ate my homework.' I don't think I've heard that one before."
"Hello, Harry," Remus greeted. "Do you need something?"
"Oh, so you have time for him but not for me?" Sirius asked, wounded.
"He's a student, Sirius, that makes him my responsibility," Remus explained patiently.
"Do you have a way for everyone to have completely forgotten all about Neville's stupid Boggart?" Harry asked.
"Nothing legal," came Remus's simple reply.
"Now that we're all here, let the weekly meeting of the 'Drive Snivelly to the Brink of Insanity' come to order," Sirius said grandly.
Harry raised an eyebrow. "DSBI?"
"It's better than SPEW," Sirius said defiantly.
"I told you, Sirius, I'm not going to help you. I'm-" Remus began.
"An adult? Responsible? Not holding a decade-long grudge?" Harry supplied helpfully.
"Yes. To all of those things," Remus agreed.
Sirius shot them a withering look. "Oh shut up. Now, since we last met that git did conspire to turn me into a Veela. Fortunately, the effect wore off at 48 hours because most of my new fangirls were underage. In return, I may have turned his nose into a beak and enchanted every reflective surface he came across to give him hygiene tips. This was all very good but now there is a new week, so we need a new plan!" Sirius waited for a moment, but Harry and Remus stayed silent. "Well?"
"You told us to shut up," Remus said mildly as Harry tried to see if he could read Remus's paperwork upside-down.
"I didn't actually expect you to listen," Sirius said impatiently. "So…ideas?"
"You could decorate his classroom with pictures of yourself in drag," Harry muttered.
"I don't quite think that would have the desired effect," Sirius said, writing it down anyway. "Remus?"
"You could try acting like a responsible member of society and not reviving this petty rivalry," Remus suggested.
Sirius just stared at him. "Wow. You are REALLY bad at this. I'm never leaving you alone for twelve years again."
"Whatever makes you happy, Sirius," Remus said serenely.
"That's a good philosophy," Sirius smiled. "I think more people should adopt it."