The Frozen Queen's Musings
Dear Diary… I mean Journal,
Entry 17
I know Klein has always told me to do these as a way to get things off my mind. I never really saw the value in it. Not till recently. Really, it is because of Headmaster Ozpin that I finally followed Klein's sage wisdom. To be told, I don't know what I ever would have done without him in my life. Mother never being around, Father being so busy and less than authoritative, Winter having moved out on her own, and Whitley being the little brat he is. I suppose with a… family like that, many would wonder that. To even call it a family is still difficult for me to say.
Not to say Beacon hasn't been its own set of trials. The team I somehow got stuck in, and the partner I am stuck with. While I can understand Ozpin is not picking me now, I still am baffled by his choice of Ruby. What does he see in her? She's clumsy, ditzy, sporadic, always rushing about here and there with more energy than a bullet train. And she is so hardheaded to boot and has no sense of maturity.
That isn't to say it's all bad. Blake, while sullen and quiet, is intelligent, well spoken, and generally pleasant. Yang, despite her briskness and overly blunt tendencies, is also kind, supporting, and even surprisingly mature and responsible. I don't know how, but she somehow is able to keep Ruby in some form of check. I suppose that's what a sister is there for, to provide support, companionship, and care. It makes me wonder: If I had been that way towards Whitley, would he have turned out better?
As much as my natural instinct is to compare Ruby to Whitley, I can't in good conscience do that. Ruby… as much as she drives me nuts with her childish immaturity… is almost like a sister I never had. My whole team is. Sure, Ruby is the way she is, but she also seems so sheltered… isolated… alone. She's rushing about and gathering up a friend group with such a frenzy that it almost looks like she's never had friends before. It's a sentiment I can certainly understand.
I understand so much about others. Even to an extent Azura, who still remains an enigma with how little he talks about himself. Yet anytime he brings up his feelings on something, everyone accepts his views. Despite their acceptance of my company and participation in things, all I seem to get is arguments and confrontation. Is this why Winter never shows too much emotion around others? Maybe… maybe…
Despite all of this, I do feel getting out of the house was the right decision. I finally have my own freedom, my own way in life. It feels invigorating, emboldening, empowering, yet it's also so… empty. I have what I want, but I… don't know what I want with my life. Yet I look around me and everyone seems to have some goal in their life. Even Jaune, despite the Nightmare he got inside him, he has a goal. And he's gotten special attention from everyone from all of this because of this "Beast Spirit" thing. Mistrali superstitious nonsense if you ask me. I'm surprised Azura didn't notice sooner that something was wrong with Jaune. I saw those weird spikes in that first lecture he was with Cardin.
If everyone weren't always laughing, making cracks at Cardin funny as they may be, or worrying about him, then maybe they would have noticed the signs. Long term exposure to a Nightmare, as clearly stated in the guidebook, is seemingly manic behavior, mood swings, jumpiness, depressive states, and the irregular appearance of spikes on the back. The only weird part was the berserker state. Usually, they just fall into an endless coma. Though, if you'd believe Azura, it's that stupid Beast Spirit nonsense.
Then I hardly believed Azura until Professor Shion came in. Why would they have believed me? All that would have gotten is everyone arguing and yelling at me for insulting the blonde Doberman. Hell, they didn't notice Cardin and his two-bit cronies being sketchy. Frankly, they don't notice anything around here. All they do is blindly wander around the place doing things. For what? To nearly lose a blockhead to a Grimm, in an academy where we are trained to hunt those very same creatures? No, it wouldn't have done anything. Jaune was saved in the end, and he's now off getting special treatment by Azura for having completed some spirit path crap.
For now, until I feel I can, I will remain silent and observe. It's hard to understand the world around you otherwise. They hardly noticed Trivia had an uncle in organized crime. Not to mention Cardin is still being sketchy. I guess, if everyone else isn't going to be looking out for things, then I guess I have too then. Someone has to keep an eye out after all. Maybe… next time something can be prevented.