For the past few days, there had been some kind of strange gulf between Felix and me. I felt confusion in my head, and he noticed it too, but for the moment, he stayed silent. He didn't bring up the subject, as if he was afraid of how it might end. He pretended that everything was fine, although that wasn't the case at all.
Felix's birthday made everyone around us happy. People wandered excitedly, looking forward to the official start of the party.
I guessed that Felix's parents had organized a lavish birthday party for him at a club, hoping to pamper him a bit before all hell broke loose.
I didn't hide the fact that I was panicking about this moment — and about the moment when Felix would realize that he needed to separate from me. That moment had to come so that he wouldn't be a danger to me, to himself, or to others in his circle.
I forced a smile as my boyfriend walked up to me and put his arm around my waist.
"Equally, at eight o'clock, the party will begin. I hope your mood improves by then. I don't want anything to spoil my special day. I've already put up with your gloomy expression for several days anyway."
I was surprised by his words. They sounded like he was telling me to pull myself together and pretend everything was fine.
"Of course, Felix. You're turning nineteen. Tonight, you have to party until you're winded," I replied.
He looked at me from under furrowed brows.
"I don't know what's going on with you, but you won't spoil the day for me."
He let go of me and walked away, putting on the mask of a smiling and happy boy as he joined his friends.
After talking to his mother, I had been watching him closely for the past few days, and only now could I notice all his flaws. Blinded by my love for him, I had pretended not to see them or quickly forgotten. But now I couldn't do that — I was afraid. I loved him more than life itself, but still, I couldn't stop thinking about my safety and the future awaiting me.
His mother was right: for many years, I had been Felix's biggest obsession. His affection for me had long since turned into a morbid fixation.
"My beautiful friend!" Eve hung on my shoulder, smiling from ear to ear. She was happy that tonight she could party and forget her problems with Sebastian.
Until then, I hadn't told her the truth about my conversation with Felix's mother. I lied, saying the woman had urged me to break up with Felix at all costs, claiming she would never accept me.
I planned to confess the truth when I finally dealt with my demons.
"It's good that at least you can have fun tonight."
"Of course. I don't even know if I'm still in a relationship, so let's say Sebastian and I are separated. Tonight, I can do whatever I want without feeling any remorse."
"If you want to fight for this relationship, you should put the brakes on. If you're overheated, then just break up with him and don't drag it out any longer," I answered, staring at one point. My gaze was fixed on Felix, laughing and talking with his friends.
"Your thinking has completely changed. You're acting strangely," she growled at me, then walked away, her eyes finding Mike. "My soulmate!" she shouted, raising her hand in greeting.
It was true. I hadn't been myself for the past few days, and that was because I was in a serious muddle.
*
That evening, forcing a smile on my face became my priority so I wouldn't spoil Felix's birthday. The room was filled with a birthday song as I walked toward him with the cake, surrounded by a garland of friends — including fake ones who, just a few days ago, had called him a psycho and said they didn't want such a captain on the team. Now, they were fawning over him, pretending none of that had ever happened.
I was surprised that Felix had accepted them and even invited them to his party. Apparently, he didn't want to let his social status slip, especially since his popularity had been hanging by a thread lately.
I knew that Felix's parents had played a big part in making the scandal go away, and the boy who had spread the news at school was now in serious trouble — so was his family. They had turned the situation upside down, and now, according to others, Felix was innocent.
They had to do that so their son's future wouldn't be ruined.
Situations like these showed me just how fake people could be. They pretended to be friends, but at the slightest slip, they stabbed you in the back — only to pull the knife out a moment later and pretend to help heal the wound. And even though they tried, that wound kept reopening because it could never be fully sewn up.
"Make a wish," I said, stopping in front of Felix and looking into his eyes. He smiled, closed his eyelids, and blew out the burning candles. Applause erupted around us, and he ran his hand through my hair.
"Thank you, my love. You are my wish," he declared.
A strange, piercing pain stabbed my chest. I guessed it was caused by stress and the difficult conversation looming ahead.
"The waiters will cut the cake now, so let everyone take their seats. Later, we'll burn off these treats on the dance floor," I announced loudly enough for everyone to hear.
I handed the cake to the staff, and then Felix grabbed my hand. The DJ started playing dance music, and a couple of guys from the team danced in front of the table, eager to show off. My mood was awful, so I didn't even pretend to be amused. I felt embarrassed by their behavior.
Led by Felix, I sat with him at the main table, where Eve and Mike were pulling out alcohol from beneath.
"How did you bring it in? Did your parents, by any chance, want a sober party?" I asked my boyfriend.
"Why are you so tipsy today? It's not just us; others have scrounged up alcohol to top off their drinks. They got my permission," Felix replied.
"Fantastic. So no one can have a good time without alcohol?"
"You certainly don't, judging by your expression and behavior. You're someone who needs alcohol to feel better," Felix shot back.
"Alcohol certainly won't improve my mood," I said angrily.
"Hey, are you going to argue now? Seriously? It's Felix's birthday. We came here to have fun," Eve chimed in. "What's wrong with you, Selena? You've been acting strange lately. You're not yourself."
"This is the first time I'll admit you're right," muttered my boyfriend.
"Never mind. If you want, drink yourself unconscious."
The waitress brought us plates of cake, and nervously, I ate at such a pace that the other three looked bewildered.
"I think you were low on blood sugar — that's why you were so bitter," Mike said with an amused voice.
"I'm just loading up on sugar because my future doesn't promise to be sweet."
Felix furrowed his brows, looking furious.
"Seriously, what's wrong with you? Are you trying to ruin my day on purpose? If so, bravo, you succeeded," he said, throwing his fork on the table. He stood up, drawing the attention of the guests. I watched him until he disappeared from sight.
"Actually, you're acting very strangely toward him, Selena. Is it because of his parents? You've been like this ever since you met his mother. Is it because they want you to leave their son?"
I pierced my friend with my eyes and glanced surreptitiously at Mike.
"You were supposed to keep it to yourself. Now he'll spill everything to Felix. You can't keep anything secret," I said angrily, getting up from the table. I headed toward the bathroom, feeling my cheeks burn with anger.
But before I could get inside, Felix grabbed me. He pressed me against the wall, staring at me penetratingly. I turned my face away, but he forced me to look into his eyes.
"What are you doing, Selena? You've ruined this birthday for me."
"I'm showing you how you sometimes behave toward me."
"Pardon?"
I saw his eyes change. They were no longer docile as usual — they looked like the eyes of the devil. They always took this form when he was angry.
"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. It's over. I'm no longer going to pretend everything's fine. My love for you won't make your behavior invisible anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"What I'm saying is that you're sick, and I'm the main reason for your problem. You're dangerous — both to me and to yourself. We can't be together. That's the only way your condition will improve."
"Are you crazy?" he yelled, unsurprisingly furious. A vein pulsed in his neck. I looked at him with terrified eyes, fearing how our conversation might escalate.
"It's not me who's crazy, Felix. People with paranoid disorders don't see the problem in themselves, but in others." His face now expressed both rage and fear. "Since I came back into your life, you've become mentally unbalanced."
His breathing quickened. Suddenly, he laughed like a madman, but tears covered his eyes, and drops ran down his cheeks. He looked at me in disbelief, and I stood motionless, afraid to move.
"Do you want to get rid of me? Is this how you want to push me out of your life? Are you already bored of me? Have you fallen out of love?"
"No, Felix. Don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"
"No way!" he yelled, and my heart stopped with fear. "I'll never let you go. You're mine, and you'll be with me forever. Remember that." He jabbed his finger in front of my face. He looked into my eyes with such seriousness that I was scared out of my mind. "If you run from me, I will always find you. If you're not with me, I will kill you and myself. No one else will touch you. You'd better think it over, Selena." Before leaving, he slammed his hand against the wall. He sent me a warning look, and my legs turned to cotton. I slid to the floor, eyes fixed on one point, terrified.
Only then did I truly face hell. I had opened gates from which I would not soon escape.