I close my eyes, they're there. I dream and sleep, they're there, and even when I am awake and while I stare outward into Mundos, they are all that is ever on my mind.
They call for me, reaching out to me with a touch that burns as fiercely as the flames that curled and wrapped around my skin that evening, terror I could not help but think about even in my waking hours, having me suffer through it all despite the fact that my eyes are wide open.
This was the first time it happened, the nightmares, the smell, the blood on my hands.
I screamed, and I shot up from the forest floor where I had laid on just a few moments ago. And I sprinted as fast I could to nowhere, the shadows of my beloved family with their burning fingertips closely following me in pursuit.
Scrambling. Frantically scrambling.
My feet roughly brush against the dirt, leaving clumsy traces of my steps as I make my way through the forest.
Breathing. Vigorously breathing.
Almost as if in between every second I have to go through full cycles of breathing in and out.
Thinking. Thinking so much it feels like my brain is about to bulge out of my head in a bloody mess.
Who saved me? Why did they leave me after doing so? Where am I? Where do I go? My family? Friends?
Lost. So painfully lost.
I had just lost everything. And nowhere is there a home for me anymore.
I had just woken up but a few moments ago and when I finally came to my senses, I bursted out in a panic, recounting everything that's happened until now.
Sharp were the stones that cushioned my knees, as I fell onto the ground out of breath. The world spinning around me. The death of my family. The fire. The flames. The pain.
And everywhere I looked. No matter what. Trees. Trees. Trees. Trees as far as my eyes could see.
I should have seen it coming. I should have seen it coming. I should have seen it coming. And the trees, oh the trees!
I put my hands to my head. I closed my eyes and moaned.
Then, I heard something just as I was about to scream my loudest scream once more. My eyes lit back up, and I came to. A sound to my right reached my ears. It was faint, but I could not be mistaken, lest I had turned into a madman already, someone debilitated and turned victim by his delusions.
I scrambled back up and ran as fast as I could. The sound became louder and louder as it rang out constantly, and what were but mere murmurs of blurry dialogue of a person just earlier, were now clear and coherent conversations.
"This is it." I told myself as I made it to a short shrub. With my wide eyes noticeable from miles away lowering down, I hunch into a crouch and observe where I ended up.
It was a village. And not just any village, but one I often visited with father as he made his weekly rounds to sell harvest. It was by seeing this sight did I realize I was in the forest near Lyndara.
My spirit shined, finally knowing where I was. And then I noticed something else, a familiar face! And that of a close friend of my father who I grew to be very familiar with too.
I rose from my lowered figure almost instinctively, and just as I was about to step through the shrub and into the village, I froze.
And I ran away again. Just like that.
I was not sure then. I had so much on my mind already to think about.
But now at this age, I now know what only my heart had realized that morning as I darted for Lyndara, knowing which direction I needed to go from the village.
I was afraid, afraid of losing everything again, afraid of being put through that moment where someone else takes away my hope again.
Afraid to make new connections, afraid that the followers of Neros would find their way into my life once more and steal everything I have again.
That there would be more shadows that will lurk and circle me, to burn me with their touch.
And as much as I wanted to step through that shrub, to run into Uncle Jerik's arms and cry outwhile I recount my sorrows, an act befitting of a child my age then, it was this same childishness that caused me to turn back and to shut anyone else from ever coming into my life again as individuals who I would grow to cherish.
Some time passed. And what were my hurried running steps turned into tired hushed thumps treading across the dirt path leading to the kingdom.
It was nearing noon by the time I got to Lyndara, and it was by the mercy of a passionate guard there on duty who turned a blind eye that I was able to be granted entry even though I did not have identification.
I could not properly show him my gratitude however, I simply looked at him in confusion. Just only looking back at him while I ran towards the muddy exteriors of Lyndara's outer ring. He had a sad look on his face when I did, and while I was thankful for his kindness, a dark cloud still haunted me.
And yet another would appear soon after as I stepped into the kingdom.
The outer rings of Lyndara were horrid. The ground was muddy and the people had bad mouths and sharp tongues. It was like Hell, putrid in every sense.
In my wallowing sadness, I recalled the intricacies of Lyndara. A lesson my father taught me not but just a few moons ago...
The kingdom is divided into three rings, three circular walls stacked within one another, dividing the citizens into three certain social classes.
In the inner ring, were the merchants, the nobles, royalty, and the officials. The middle ring housed the working class, your average people of Mundos. Perhaps where my family and I would have lived. And then the outer ring, where you would find your outcasts, your criminals, and unfortunately, I.
One cannot go through the middle ring much less the inner ring without a mark imbued with magical ink that could not be forged and faked.
So here I was, stuck. A thousand thoughts on my mind. If I should just go back to the village to Uncle Jerik, to find who saved me, to know whatever happened to Gerald and the others.
But all I ever did was just hunch over in an alley and sit up against the walls and cried and thought. I cried and cried and cried. Like a little boy who had lost their family at the market, where now they are all not even around to truly look for me anymore.
"How could the gods be so cruel? Abandoning me like this?" I whispered meekly to myself. My voice shook as the shadows of them peered through the alley and circled me, they reached with their fingers and grazed my skin with boiling phantom pain.
They're not real.
But they feel real.
I succumbed to it, and while in tears, I brought myself back to the bridge and recounted the events of that day that are burned into my body. On the exterior, I was healed. But from the outside looking in, I was a broken child.
I'm truly alone. They're all dead. Siya, Father, Mother. Now mere figments that elude me and burn me when they get too close.
But then, at that moment, a voice played out inside my head.
"If I survive this, I'll kill you. I'll kill you. I'll kill you!" The message I yelled that evening echoed like loud sounds in a cave, my eyes which were just moments ago quivering turned sharp in anger, desperation, and that same vengeance I held in me that moment.
The memories. Their love. Their deaths. And my pledge to stab through the heart of the figure who bore an X on their cloak.
A fire in me was lit then, while fighting the flaming pain of their shadows that were still gently holding me in that alley. And as I focused deeply on it, crackling violently in all its bright glory, amidst all the noise inside my head, it was like something finally rang true.
I was going to survive. I had to.