"Dave?" Yarrow froze, staring in disbelief.
There, in front of him, was a disheveled figure—clad in a greasy white shirt, an oversized cooking pot perched on his head, and a scruffy beard that seemed to have its own personality. He was driving what could only be described as a time machine—affectionately known as Penny—while shouting what could only be described as "Dave-speak."
And of course, Yarrow knew exactly who it was. "Wasn't it... Christopher David Bretz III, my good neighbor?"
"Wubba lubba dub-dub?" Dave hollered, his voice carrying the usual chaotic energy that only he could produce.
A glass container extended from the carriage with a dramatic flourish, revealing an eclectic assortment of items. From rusty paperclips to rocket launchers, coat racks, and half-used toothpaste tubes—it was a bizarre mixture of everything imaginable. Yarrow stared in stunned curiosity.
"Is this guy some wandering merchant now? Just randomly showing up wherever?" Yarrow thought to himself, raising an eyebrow.
"Ara-goojee, Loo-Loo Hah-lah?" Dave said with a grin that only a madman could pull off. Yarrow couldn't quite understand the words, but he assumed it was a form of invitation to browse.
"Uh…" Yarrow hesitated, scanning the collection before glancing behind Dave at the shelves inside the truck. What he saw there nearly made him question his grip on reality.
Two Boomerang Shooters were hurling boomerangs at each other, having what could only be described as a very enthusiastic duel. The Fisticuff Plant was relentlessly punching a hanging sandbag. A Chomper had a zombie-shaped teething stick in its mouth, chewing away happily. The Twin Sunflower, each head with its own distinct personality, had one reading a newspaper while the other played ping-pong. And amidst all this chaos, a Sunflower swayed gently, serenading its audience of Peashooters, who waved glow sticks and cheered her on.
Amidst the mayhem, Yarrow spotted something particularly odd: a photo taped to the refrigerator door. It was of Dave and Dr. Zomboss, both flashing peace signs and looking unusually cheerful. A photo-op gone wrong, surely.
But then, something caught Yarrow's eye, and he blinked in disbelief.
"Wait, is that Puff-shroom... winking at me?" he muttered under his breath.
The purple-headed Puff-shroom, now somehow inexplicably more... alluring than any plant had the right to be, moved her flower pot and jumped up onto the container. She blew a string of bubbles from her nozzle, winking mischievously at Yarrow. The effect was magnetic, almost hypnotic.
"Hey, sweetie," she cooed in a voice that could only be described as dangerously sultry, "wanna know what else comes out of my nozzle?"
Yarrow blinked rapidly, his mind scrambling to keep up with the absurdity of the situation.
And then, just as quickly, the peace of the plant shelf was shattered by a sudden, trembling voice.
"Oh, oh, oh, Ms. Puff-shroom is at it again..." muttered a Wall-nut from its flower pot. "But… why am I so... excited? Damn it, oh, oh... I'm gonna... ugh... die from pleasure…"
The poor plant's voice trailed off as it collapsed back into its pot, panting heavily, its tongue sticking out like a puppy on a hot day. Yarrow was left speechless, eyes wide in disbelief.
The plant world, it seemed, was not one for the faint of heart.
"Goo-lee goo-shee? Ah-la doh-dah?" Dave's voice called out again, interrupting Yarrow's stunned silence.
"Wait for me!" Yarrow snapped back to reality, quickly running back to the camp. He shook Peach Fox awake with a frantic energy. "Peach Fox, wake up! You need to come take a look at this."
Groaning, Peach Fox sat up in her sleeping bag, wrapping her tail around herself to stave off the chill. "Ugh, Yarrow, what's going on?"
"There's a wandering merchant here," Yarrow said, almost breathless. "I need your help to figure out what his stuff actually does."
Peach Fox, still not fully awake, was dragged out of the sleeping bag and hurried to the side of the truck. Her drowsy eyes widened when she saw the odd array of goods displayed.
"Ah, there really are a lot of things," Peach Fox said, her voice still thick with sleep.
Yarrow watched her closely. "How about it? Anything interesting?"
Peach Fox rubbed her face to wake up fully, her eyes narrowing as she inspected the strange items on display. After a moment, she pointed to a bald-headed angel puppet and said, "This one—put it on your hand, explain your current situation to it, and it'll give you the best advice."
Yarrow immediately waved that suggestion off. "Forget that one. I don't need some puppet rambling on at me."
"Okay, then… how about this?" Peach Fox pointed to a strange stone mask. "This mask will give you incredible power once you put it on."
Yarrow recoiled slightly. "Let's skip that one too. I'm not interested in becoming a vampire or whatever that is."
Peach Fox then turned her attention to a red hat with a large letter M on it. "This hat! It'll give you amazing jumping abilities, and you'll be able to identify all kinds of mushrooms."
Yarrow stared at the hat for a moment, then his eyes widened as a memory clicked into place. "Wait a minute... isn't this..."
"I think I know what this is…" Yarrow muttered to himself. The hat seemed familiar—too familiar.
He sighed deeply, rubbing his temples as he wondered if his life was always going to be like this—a series of bizarre encounters that left him questioning his own sanity.
There were just too many items to process, and Peach Fox's head was starting to spin from trying to identify everything at once.
Yarrow suddenly remembered something. With a quick movement, he pressed his hand on Peach Fox's shoulder, channeling her [Pseudo Cultivation] to copy her appraisal ability. Instantly, the information about the items on the shelves unfolded before his eyes—rows of tiny characters floated above each object like a magical catalog.
[Ultraman's Mask: A toy highly favored by five-year-old kids in kindergarten. After wearing it, you can unleash a powerful Ultraman Beam—once.]
[Buriburizaemon's Weapon: Looks like a samurai sword, but it's actually a candy made from malt. No attack power, but you can lick it. The person holding it will become cheap and silly.]
[An Ordinary Cardboard Box: Commonly used by agents for hiding. When you crawl inside, you become invisible to others as long as you remain still. It's quite handy, and you can even customize it with your favorite designs.]
[Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans: Contains every flavor imaginable—some might be a little... questionable.]
[Old Man's Dried Lizard: Reciting a spell while holding it can purify nearby ghosts, but it seems to come with a matching pufferfish.]
[Ezio's Hidden Blade: No need to cut your fingers off to use it, thankfully.]
[Poke Ball: Throw this at a creature, and there's a chance it will be captured (do not use on people).]
[Conan's Stun Watch: A watch that fires anesthetic needles. Each one is strong enough to knock out a cow, though overuse may cause drug resistance.]
[A Scallion from a Certain Outdated Idol: Holding this will apparently improve your singing skills?]
Yarrow's eyes skipped over these items, his mind racing. But then something caught his attention—a pair of fishnet stockings.
[Strong Mom's Stockings: Typically stashed away by men in a certain community. Not cheap.]
"Crazy," Yarrow muttered under his breath. But beside the stockings was something far more interesting: a pocket watch.
[Damaged Time-Stop Watch: This pocket watch can stop time for ten seconds, but only once every 24 hours. Ten seconds is enough, right? Right?]
"A divine artifact!" Yarrow couldn't contain his excitement. Sure, it was only ten seconds, but remember that one vampire who almost ruled the world by stopping time for just nine seconds? Ten seconds was plenty.
He pointed eagerly at the pocket watch. "How much?"
He fumbled through his pouch and pulled out a bag of gold langs. He had a full 200 gold langs—courtesy of Lawrence, who had given him the currency before their journey started. They knew from experience that trading with Dave was done with the kingdom's currency, so they made sure Yarrow had enough gold to last.
"Ooly wiggy!" Dave extended his palm toward Yarrow, a broad grin on his face.
"Five?" Yarrow offered five gold langs, but Dave shook his head in disapproval.
"Fifty?" Yarrow tried again.
"Wawa-meat!" Dave grinned even wider.
"Alright…" Yarrow sighed, but he didn't want to miss out on such a rare item. He counted out fifty gold langs, handing them over to Dave. In return, Dave tossed the gold coins into his money box with a satisfied look, then handed Yarrow the pocket watch.
Yarrow wasn't done yet, though. His eyes scanned the remaining items on the shelves.
"Yarrow, come and see this," Peach Fox called out, drawing his attention.
She pointed to a long, rectangular magic card. It depicted a white bird with its wings curled up, looking peaceful and elegant. As Yarrow's gaze fell on the card, the item information appeared before his eyes:
[Soaring Card: Use it to grow wings and gain thirty minutes of flight time. Cooldown is eight hours. However, since you don't have a Bird Head Staff, you'll need to shout a girly spell while using it (just kidding).]
Yarrow stared at the card for a moment, then glanced at Peach Fox, his eyebrows raised. "A flying card? And a girly spell, too?"
Peach Fox grinned, clearly amused by the absurdity. "Seems like it."
Yarrow let out a small chuckle. "Okay, this place just keeps getting weirder…"
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