Resilience without hope is a peculiar phenomenon; the willingness of a person to continue on their path, even when they feel deprived of any motive, is melancholic yet oddly fascinating.
The choice that puts them in such a circumstance isn't one that is often made willingly by the person. Whatever led them to it, they often convince themselves that it was the correct choice, regardless of what they believe, and often choose to avoid thinking about it too much.
Though what is unavoidable is the constant barrage of stress could burden them in a way that is repressive, yet, without any other choice to follow up with, they consider it in their best interest to carry on.
But for how long must a person continue until the pressure overwhelms them?
Such thoughts had never usually occurred to her or well, she never got the proper time to be able to introspect on it this much.
Splashing cold water on her face, she made her way back to her desk in hopes of keeping the pace for the day going. She couldn't afford to be sluggish at such a time.
But despite her futile attempts to refocus, she spaced out as her eyes skimmed through the large wooden desk adorned with numerous medals and small trophies, and dismissively looking past it, all she could care about was a small crumbled up piece of paper she had received yesterday.
She had read it countless times already, the same words of gratitude written in messy handwriting.
A smile slowly formed on her face as she put piece of paper back into one of the cabinets of the desk and adjusted her focus back into her work.
Shuffling through a small deck of paper, she pulled out the latest one to complete the medical report for it to be provided to the patient. It contained the necessary information about the injury as well as how it would be treated, but the final portion, that being the total amount that would be charged was never finalized by her.
She picked up a finalized report that had to be passed onto a patient, she found herself going through all of them just to be astonished by the total costs.
She Internally scoffed at the absurd prices that had been set, but that would be of no use as she held no authority to question them.
All she could do was move her pen with swift efficiency and precision, planning to make minor adjustment in hopes that it would lower the fees.
She wanted them to be more affordable, believing that would only help them further in their business and might even do the virtue of saying many more lives, but she knew she had no say in it.
This wish of hers was followed up by practicing suturing once again on the leather skin she had been provided for today.
The movements of her hand had become banal to the point that she felt no need to be completely concentrated, along with the need to get over with it as soon as possible.
Though such a decision would only be harmful as her mind was engrossed somewhere else, she unfortunately tightened the suture thread too much, as she remembers, this could definitely lead to poor healing and in some cases, even necrosis.
A day starting off with a failure, it truly was strange.
Today was particularly uncanny for her, she had been overtaken by such a vague sensation of tiredness that would be disastrous if it took control completely.
Against her own truest wish, she retaliated by pushing such thoughts away and focusing on her task.
Shortly afterwards she remembered that she had to redo her anatomy notes. She hadn't gone over them in quite a time, and she was aware that such half hearted work would never be enough and thus, she decided to remake them from scratch.
Picking up her old textbooks, she began revising once more. Her hyperfixation wasn't affected even by the passage of time.
After multiple hours, she finally decided to head out from her bedroom, it was now 9am, the clinic was to be opened at this point.
Entering the main living room, the fresh aroma of coffee and the bright rays of the sun filled the room as Malena saw her mother sitting on a chair, her back to the kitchen as she flipped through the newspaper.
Without any shift in her expressions, she picked up a cup and filled it before sitting across her mother on the table.
"How's studying going?" She asked without an effort to lift her eyes up from the newspaper.
Accustomed to this for some time now, she replied affirmatively.
Surprising Melan, her mother pressed her with another question,
"The boy that came yesterday, his arm was bleeding right?"
"Yes." Malena replied with a serious expression.
"But his arm wasn't covered correctly. The gauze wasn't applied properly, why was it?"
"Oh, he was just reluctant to put it on, probably some bad memories I reckon."
"Is that really your excuse?" A deadpan expression came over her, before shifting to a lighter one as she let out her hand and caressed Malena's cheek softly.
Malena could feel the rough surface of her mother's palm graze across her cheek, but it never stung her, in fact it was quite relieving in a manner.
"I know you're trying Malena, but even you know that won't cut it. So many lives depend upon us and you are aware of that."
A confused and somber face, she faced her mother but to no avail, she apologized even when she felt it wasn't her fault.
Should she have apologized? It didn't feel right yet she felt the obligation to do it.
"An apology wouldn't save a life. My dear, I expect the best of you, please don't take this in a bad light, I'm only trying to help you grow."
Her mother's slightly wrinkled face slowly took her hand away from her face as her smile faded away.
"I know mama. Just that, that wasn't in my hands. He wasn't ready to app-"
"No need for saying it. You will do better I know."
Malena weakly replied with a nod before her mother enquired whether she was done with the anatomy as well as the physiology study.
Malena was met with a disappointed reply as she answered negatively.
Her mother's sigh was able to fill her head with a frustration that she could never get rid of, and her inability to express it made it worse for her.
She didn't know how far she could take her practice and whether it would even be worth it, but her mother left no room for such thought as she pushed her to complete the work before coming to assist her in the clinic.
Except, Malena's silence was broken this time, as she spoke up trying to refute what she had been told.
"I'm going to for a walk, I need some time."
"Malena! You know how much work is left, and you don't have the time to waste meandering without reason."
"I'll come back in an hour." Was all she said before leaving the door.
She heard her mother's angry gasps as she exited the house. Maybe she could do this every once in a while, though she didn't want her mother to deliberately starve herself for an entire week again. She would probably go back and apologize gravely for her actions.
Even when outside, she couldn't get her mind off the words her mother had spoken to her. To say that doubt had been creeping into her mind would be an understatement.
She didn't want to believe that she had been becoming more lethargic with each passing day, but it felt as if her mother was correct.
The gauze was applied a bit haphazardly due to Ethan constantly trying to pull his arm back, but maybe part of the fault lied with her too.
Thinking about of all this, only one thought loomed over her.
Her father would be back in a few days, she wouldn't want to disappoint him either. She really did not have the time to be meandering around.
Why was she even out here in the first place? Along with sterilization, she also had to get her tools properly amended before they could be used again. This truly was a waste of her time.
And with it, a certain sense of unease, she didn't want to see her fail once again like she had done three weeks ago, the image of that poor man's body that had been a reminder of her own shortcomings. It all led her to the same question of how she could have done better.
Whether the little boy that she had attended to a few days prior was already healed or not, or how could she have treated the wounds of Caia better.
Come to think of it, she didn't find out what had happened to Caia except the fact that she had been injured to a fall near shattered glass. Her injuries wouldn't have been caused by just a fall of that degree.
She had been unable to ask this to Ethan, but maybe it would help her get more insight into the injury.
Curious to find out more and trying to get lighten her mood, she had decided to head straight to the workshop.
Making her way to the workshop, she hoped she could promptly meet Caia without having to go through the hurdle of encountering Ruben.
There was nothing wrong with him, just that his lack of hospitality was something that never sat right with her, being direct is a good attribute but him taking it to such lengths to where it becomes intentional ignorance, combined that his mindset was something Malena really condemned, she really wondered how Alkeid endured him.
Alkeid was much better in those kinds of situations but Malena felt as if Alkeid was was too accommodating and to put it bluntly, too kind for his own good.
Setting aside her thoughts, she knocked on the door only to be dismayed upon seeing Ruben.
Greeting him, she asked about Caia's condition and whether she had healed properly or not. In response to this, Ruben, who was covered in grime, merely told her the location of the apartment so she should it out for herself.
"Oh, missy? She ain' comin to work. Hurt herself at that damn hut and now she's sittin in her apartment for the week! It ain't worth it lemme tell ya that. "
Bewildered, Malena's eyes narrowed in an attempt to understand Ruben's strange remark, rebutting it she voiced her own opinion,
"No, she needs the rest for sure. You wouldn't want your apprentice working with the energy of a half dead zombie and cursing you right? Better let her have the rest, she deserves it too."
"That damn' mindset of ya people. It's gonna hurt ya more than it helps all of ya."
"Yeah yeah, alright I'm going to the apartment and do wash that grime off your face or you'd be making a round at the clinic too."
"HA! As if I would do that! This body ain't so weak that it would' require ya help, and nature would heal me, not ya "clinic" that's been robbin so many people."
Malena ought to go the apartment but, she didn't leave the workshop yet. After a moment of silence after Ruben's statement, she simply asked him a question.
"Would you tell me what happened at the 'hut'? Her injuries are more severe than just fall from what I gathered."
"Missy slipped on somethin and fell, that's it!"
It didn't make sense, it shouldn't make sense.
"Were you there to see it happen?". Ruben's "No" came without a tone of any remorse or understanding, as if he were simply saying the obvious.
"I see." Was all she said before heading to the apartment.
Ruben didn't know what exactly had happened and yet he was the one who carried her back, maybe Alkeid knew about it.
Well, even if he did, it would be better to directly ask the patient herself.
Malena wasted no time getting to the apartment, and in a few minutes she was already at the door, but before going inside, she was stopped momentarily by the faint noises of the bustling of a crowd.
Looking around, she noticed a crowd in the close distance.
She didn't bear approaching it considering that she saw the distant sights of a man and woman on their knees, outside what she thought was their house, she couldn't make out anything else that was happening.
It was heartbreaking to watch, she wished them the best internally as she knocked on the apartment's door.
She only opened it upon affirmation from a female voice that was inside the room.
Upon opening the door, she saw Caia sitting on the bed, the bandages on her head still present as her eyes were torn away from her book to see Malena coming inside the room, and pushing a chair towards the bed.
Grinning, Malena jokingly flung a remark at her, "Someone's been enjoying their limited time holiday a bit too much, I suppose."
Tilting her head slightly to the right, Caia answered with some thought, "Not that much."
"Ah well, you needed it anyways. Someone with an injury such as yours shouldn't be getting nagged for resting, though I wouldn't be surprised if someone was bothering you for not working."
"Thankfully, that has not happened yet."
"And it shouldn't consider that your injury was mind blowing, literally."
Upon hearing this, Caia raised her right eye brow as she left out a "Hmm?"
"Nevermind." Malena commented, not before letting out a sigh.
Leaning back on the chair, Malena stared at the damp ceiling.
Had Caia been here the entire day? Malena looked at the book she was reading, 'Greed and Avarice'.
It was a classic, but she never had the time to be able to read it, maybe someday. She stared at the book than at the small drawer by the bedside on which were several paper wrappings were scattered.
"Wait, have you eaten yet?" her voice was laced with concern.
"..? Oh, yes"
"Really? Well at least Ethan was able to go out and get something for you."
Malena felt Caia's confused gaze linger on her for a brief moment of time, "No. He didn't get me anything. It was someone named Daphne."
Malena felt as if the name had felt familiar to her. Thinking momentarily, she finally remembered her as the girl who had dropped off a random man at the clinic after he had all sorts of bruises.
The only conclusion Malena had come to was that she had beaten up and then thrown him at the clinic right after.
It was horrifying to say the least, but she dashed off much before Malena could say anything, only to return the next day to explain the entire situation. She was fascinating in a strange way, thought Malena.
"She came up to me with food and also asked a lot of different questions."
Caia seemed confused as she talked about Daphne,
"She then told me about how and why cats are related to the eradication of forensic terrorism and how they must be stopped?"
"So does that mean you are against it?" Malena asked with sarcastic intrigue.
"Although, I'm not aware of the meaning but, no." Came the reply with haste,
"Well, She also came up to me once and she initially asked me if working at a clinic was difficult, but somehow the conversation shifted to how lobotomies are the perfect cure to all mental health issues."
There was a dead silence between them for a solid few minutes as Malena looked for a chair to settle down on.
"Doc, does she have brain damage?" Caia's tone was completely serious as she turned to Malena.
"No actually! Though I did think she had a MCA aneurysm, which she probably doesn't."
Caia's confusion was soon replaced by their laugher. This was going better than she had expected.
"No but seriously, the type of mind boggling questions she asked me made me question if she was fine!"
"Probably had more than a few lose screws." Caia let out a small laugh.
"However....receiving free food isn't such a bad deal after all."
"She actually asked me for money up front. I was sur-", as she was about to finish, she felt a sudden pain come over her.
Caia's hand bolted on to her bandages as she let out a small groan and bent forward, closing her eyes instinctively. A pain was rushing through her head that was almost unbearable.
Reacting with precision, Malena fastened to Caia's bed side, getting her comfortably leaning against the wall before checking her temperature making sure she didn't have a fever, which she did.
Shortly afterwards bringing a glass of water from the small kitchen.
As the pain subsided, Caia finally calmed down as she opened her eyes to see Malena sitting on bed beside her as her eyes, that were brimming with concern and strange curiosity.
"Caia, would you be willing to tell me what happened back at the loot house?"
Caia initially gazed downwards, then brought her eyes to meet Malena's, "I don't remember."
She should have expected this answer and yet she still felt disappointed.
"The last thing I remember seeing was a person. They were yelling and.."
Caia didn't speak after that. She was fiddling with her fingers as she tried to remember something, anything, but nothing else came to her. Her eyes were moving from side to side and Malena could sense that she was going a little frustrated.
Before it could continue,
"Welp, there's no need for it as long as your fine. Though you should have told me about your fever before." Malena scolded Caia for her inaction before getting back to the chair.
None of them said anything else.
The awkward silence between them was broken as a sharp noise from the outside became more noticeable.
Malena presumed that the muffled cries were from the earlier scene that she had witnessed from afar.
Shortly after that, Caia looked up at Malena, her eyes to the side staring the wall with her eyes twitching slightly before the noise faded to complete silence.
Caia played with her fingers as she said with a low voice, "Daphne told me that, a girl had gone missing near the 'Hoeflsteur' market if I remember correctly."
"What?"
Malena's sudden response was unsurprising as she asked more about the case, but to her dismay, Caia knew nothing more, saying only that Daphne was going there to investigate along with another person.
"...Right. Sorry for the sudden outburst."
These scene weren't unheard of for her, but seeing one unfold in near time was scary.
"...Just what the hell is going on?" She murmured to herself as she got up intending to leave.
Stretching herself in order to lighten the mood, Malena assured Caia that the scene would be over soon when the child is found. The town's wasn't big but finding a lone child would still be a difficult task, but she believed that the new vanguard group in town would be sufficient for it.
"And I'll be sending you the medications too, do make sure to take them. Or else I can't reassure you that I won't pay Ethan to prank you repeatedly."
A subtle smile emerged from Caia as she agreed and watched as Malena took her leave. She slumped on the bed as soon as the door was closed.
Malena should have gone back home, her mind was already jumbled and she didn't want to take further stress about random incidents she couldn't control.
Despite thinking this, she felt strangely sorry for the parents who had to experience such an incident. To lose the sight of your child would be terrifying.
As her train of thoughts were getting off track, so were her plans as she decided to keep walking.
Despite living here for a few years now, she hadn't explored much of the area except for occasionally being called to some homes for medical assistant. It felt sort of thrilling trying to see the new parts of town but the less than comforting environment wouldn't allow her to be at ease.
And alongside her already burdened mind, it guaranteed that peace wouldn't come her way for the time being.
She was about to reach the edge of the town at this moment. It had much less people, it would have been a perfect place to be alone and feel at peace for a few moments, only if she wasn't already in a bad mood.
She remembered how it was marked by a clocktower, although when she had seen it before, it could barely qualify as one. It was barely 20 meters tall with far less lavish appearance than would normally suit one, it had a dull brown color and some had even noticed there being cracks in the glass.
Just why did they move here of all places?
Disregarding her thoughts, she planned on continuing forward but the events that would soon follow would confirm the absurdity that had plagued this day to be true.
What she saw was a small child, her ears were drumming with the same sobs as the child was running to a woman in front of her. Only to be bashed and running to someone else.
Malena thought that she must have been not more than 7.
Tears and snot covered her face, her small dress was torn near the legs and to top it of she had a number of scratches. Her black hair was a complete mess as she ran from person to person, scarcely garnering their attention until she was able to come over to Malena, still crying uncontrollably.
Malena had been completely overwhelmed, questions loomed over her head as she saw the kid tucking at her legs and stuttering her words so many times.
She failed to speak as her entire body shook in an alarmingly manner.
Malena bent down on one knees as she assessed the kid's injuries, the smell of urine crept up her nostrils but that wouldn't stop her. What mattered currently was the child that was in front of her, not her being uncomfortable.
She quickly took the girl's hand with hers as she used the other hand to gently pat her on the back and allowed the child to rest her face on her chest.
It was so unnerving and scary, even for her, it felt so demanding and disturbing and yet she strangely felt a bit of comfort herself.
Malena felt her top getting drenched as the kid eventually pulled back, still sobbing. Malena's hand were on the kid's shoulder and she could feel her body shudder.
"What's wrong?" She said with as much reassuring as she could before pulling out a handkerchief and wiping the kid's face.
The girl was still unable to speak, all she was able to do was pull at her pants as she pointed towards the direction of the clocktower, baffled, all Malena could do was follow the child as she pulled her arm in her direction.
As she got farther and father, eventually she let her hand go as she hurried towards someone else.
Malena saw the girl tuck and cry as she embraced a person's leg.
'What the hell was happening?' Was all that she could wonder as she gazed upon the person's face.
His shirt was covered with a dark red as he struggled to walk.
Those same scary eyes and brown hair.
As Ethan struggled to walk, Ellie embraced his leg only for Ethan to recoil back before regretting and apologizing for letting her get hurt.
Letting out a weak smile, Ethan finally looked at Malena and the surprise on his face was evident, but along with it was another unreadable sentiment.
The only thing that it reminded Malena was of embarrassment, not the playful or mocking kind, it was the devastating kind, as if he had been found drunk on the road by his parents.
Even after this, all Ethan said was, "Please..Get Ellie home."
Ellie was still crying, faint red marks had now formed on her face.
"C'mon now. You're fine now right? C'mon, stop crying, you shou-shouldn't c-cry." His own voice was breaking as he tried to comfort her.
No, he couldn't. He couldn't cry in front of such an already terrified child. It didn't matter how scared he was or how much it hurt, he had to hold it in.
Ethan turned Ellie's face around as he requested Malena for the favor, but the only thing Malena was focused on was the limping arm of Ethan. Just what the hell happened here?
"Yes! Of course." Came the stern reply, "I'm taking her to the clinic first of all, and what happened here?" Malena's bewilderment was made clear through her words as she attempted to enquire further.
"I-I just..."
"Yes?"
"I just got in a fight." Ethan wasn't looking at her, his gaze was casted downward with a solemn expression.
"A fight? Here? At the edge of town?" Each answered only led to more questions, perplexed, Malena pushed further.
"I....Yeah.", his voice was laced with a hint of frustration.
"What the hell are you trying to hide? What happened to you and the girl, Ethan!"
He shut his eyes momentarily as he he repeated the same sentence, "I got in a fight".
It was obvious that it was jack shit but currently, Malena couldn't care less if Ethan was lying or not, but she would not let him walk away if he was the cause of what had happened to Ellie.
"N-No. P-P-Please don't scream at h-h-him." Came the low and muffle voice of the girl.
Malena wiped away the girl's tears as she considered her words. Ellie had ran to Ethan the second she saw him and had also led Malena to him.
"Just...Get Ellie home. I'm gonna be going back."
"Where do you think you're going?" Malena was quick to stop him, "Your arm is barely hanging and you're just going to walk it off? You're not some kind of action hero, Ethan. We need to go the clinic, now."
The urgency of the situation was made clear but Ethan persisted,
"No, there's no need for me to go. I'm fine." his tone was clearly dismissive and yet, you could tell he was scared in a way.
"Stop joking with me, you're coming to the clinic right this second."
"I said I'm fine!" He exclaimed.
Retracting slightly and shifting him eyes downwards again, he said, this time trying to be calmer, "Listen, I'm fine. I-I don't need it. Just, just take Ellie home. That's the main thing right now. I don't need anything."
"What are you-?!" Malena bit her own words.
Enough of this. She didn't have the time. Ellie was still here and she couldn't afford to have a fight with this stubborn harebrain right now.
"Alright then, have it your way." Was what she said, colder this time around.
It was much more different than last time, thought Ethan.
Shifting her focus on what was necessary, Malena was quick to rush off to the clinic, leaving Ethan behind.
She didn't even bother looking back before she eventually decided to pick Ellie up and continue going back.
He had done it now.
And what was left, was a person who couldn't bear to look at his own self. A shiver went down Ethan's spine as he stood there in the evening sun without another person in sight as Malena walked away.
Even with the heat, he still felt cold, so cold. His eyes bleary and his body aching and yet he still walked, albeit rather slowly back to the apartment.
What followed for him was a blur, he haggled back to the house. He was walking fine now, only his left arm felt such a sharp unbearable pain.
He didn't even try to move it anymore, fearing that it might cause more harm.
All throughout, question dawned over Ethan's head.
Just what had he been doing?
Running around like this, struggling to breathe and walk. Groaning in pain and yelling at someone offering help. How laughable it was.
Barging into the apartment, Ethan ran across the room, past Caia to the restroom.
Not wanting anyone to witness this pathetic ordeal, he was quick to lock the door as he turned on the lights.
A small constricted washroom, with only a toilet, an ugly green washing basin and a showerhead with many of its spaces partially blocked.
The dimly lit room didn't bother him this time around.
He began to wash his hand in the running water vigorously, still panting.
He looked around the basin and searched the entire room and the small drawer beneath the washing basin.
They were out of soap, so the only thing he could do was keep rubbing his palm against each other hoping something would happen.
They were clean, already clean and yet he couldn't get the sight of red off them.
They were empty and without any weight and yet he still felt such a heavy burden on them.
He looked directly at the mirror, the glass was broken at the top right corner, he couldn't even see his entire face properly.
Even if he could, he didn't want to.
He just kept on washing, soon his face even his torso.
Even with the black color of his t shirt, the blood was still barely visible.
His face contorted as he poured the water on his shirt, rubbing it attempting to clean it. He kept on washing and even when it was completely drenched he still kept on pouring water.
Ethan felt his eyes sting as he felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness drowning him. He let his hand go as he closed the basin and with his head bent almost inside it, he started crying.
His left arm hurt, it hurt so much.
He didn't want this, how did it end up like this? Just last year he was planning on going back to college, and now here he was in a random shed crying after murdering someone.
He felt a lump in his throat rise but he held it back as much as he could. Tears welled up uncontrollably as he hit his right arm on the sink.
He was completely alone, there was no one here and yet he felt watched as if there was someone directly behind him.
Guilt and regrets engulfed his mind as he muttered only a few words,
"R-Reina. Just, where are you...."
A shallow yet deep cry. An ugly face running with tears and slowly bleeding from the arm.
All the while there was banging on the door , each time with more power as someone called his name.
"Hey jackass! What happened? Why the hell are you bleeding! Hey! Ethan!"