Wind flowed through my hair as my car sped toward the campus of Helen's college. I lit up a cigarette and fell deep into thought regarding the attack. Three more men had died by my hand during the attack, yet their lives added little to the weight of sin pushing down upon my soul.
"Why were they after you?" Bianca asked after we had been driving for a few minutes.
"People don't need much reason to make an attempt on my life these days," I said offhandedly. "For this particular attempt, I have a theory, but it's really not something I should say out loud."
My first guess was Gihren Zabi, of course. There were only six people who could be behind such an attack: Gihren, Kycilia, Dozle, Schneider, Kellerne, and M'Quve. Of these five, Gihren was the only one with much of a reason to put a hit out on my head. Theoretically, Kellerne could still be angry about my use of the Jormungand during the Battle of Loum, but he wasn't the kind of man to hire assassins.
"Is this what war is like?" Helen asked at such a low volume that I could barely hear her. "Will you have to do something like this again, Sebastian?"
"Every day is like this," I said truthfully.
"How many people did you kill today?" Bianca asked.
"Only three," I muttered.
"Only?" Helen asked with fear in her voice.
"We can clothe our actions in flowery language, but we're all just killers at the end of the day. I felt no guilt or hesitation when I stabbed that man in the throat. The only thing I was really worried about during that fight was you, Helen. I was terrified that one of them would shoot you because of me," I said, my mind becoming introspective without my conscious thought.
"There's no reason for you to feel guilt when you kill the enemies of Zeon," Bianca said automatically. "What you did back there was heroic."
"What we did was just torture and homicide. Anyone can do it," I said without putting any particular weight behind my words. "I'm not a hero just because I'm better at killing than most other people."
"I know you don't want to hear it," Bianca said, "but there's nothing more heroic than denying your own heroism. I was wrong about you, Sebastian."
I let out a rasping laugh before saying, "People are going to call me a hero no matter what I do, apparently."
We reached Helen's sorority house just as some medical technicians carried three body bags into an ambulance.
"Captain!" Ramos called out, jogging toward me. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I said. "If Renault had arrived a few seconds later, though, I would have been filled with a lead." After a beat of silence, I paused and sighed. "We shouldn't be here. There's too much heat on us right now. Anyone near us will be in too much danger."
"What should we do, Captain?" Ramos asked.
"We need to get back to the Gidoru," I said.
"Yes, sir," Ramos said, snapping a salute as a disappointed expression appeared on his face.
I walked up to Helen. Her eyes were locked on the middle distance, and she smiled weakly when I approached. With a sigh, I said, "Sorry, but I need to head back right now. We could be attacked again at any time."
"O-Okay," Helen said quietly. "When can I see you again?"
"Not until I deal with the cause of that assassination attempt," I said cryptically. "Stay away from the funeral. I suspect that there will be more bloodshed there."
"Just stay safe, please," Helen said on the verge of tears.
"I always try to stay as safe as possible," I said with a forced smile.
That night, I went to my motel room and loaded everything I stored there into my rental car. I changed into one of my standard green uniforms and drove back to the spaceport. For the rest of the day, Stradivari, Ramos, and I played cards in the Gidoru's crew common room. Ramos had a sullen look on his face, and he kept mumbling about the way Nora looked at him and how Stradivari freaked them out by smiling when he gunned down the three assassins.
Our night could have had a better conclusion, but at least its ending was somewhat uneventful.
January 18th, 0079
I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off, and Ramos swore at me in his half-awake state. It was only 0600 hours, and I had decided to spend the night in Oracle Squad's bunk room. In order to minimize the risk of being killed in my sleep, I decided that I would sleep in a different place as often as possible.
When I awoke, I had been pushed up against the wall by some barely-perceptible force. The Gidoru was still affected by Zum City's rotation, but the rotation was minor due to the warship's proximity to the center of the space colony. If I left something floating in the air, it would slowly drift over to a wall over the course of ten minutes.
After taking a shower and donning a gray captain's uniform, I made my way back to Zum City. I drove out to Zeonic HQ over the next thirty minutes, worrying about my meeting with Gihren the whole way. As I stepped out into the parking lot, I concealed my revolver in my waistband. If Gihren was willing to attack me at a bowling alley, he would be more than willing to attack me in Zeonic HQ.
Trying to keep a low profile, I began walking toward Dr. Olivier's office. I walked into Building C and saw more than a dozen researchers in various states of wakefulness. Some researchers had passed out at their desks and others were writing on whiteboards with slow, exhausted movements. Diagrams of mobile suit cockpits and hands had been taped or pinned to the walls of their offices.
As I walked into Dr. Olivier's office, I saw that Elliot Rem and May Kauwin stood beside him, watching the screen of his computer over his shoulders.