I sat in an interrogation room with lighting more dramatic than a 9 PM soap opera.
Across the table was a man in semi-glossy iron armor, labeled "Official Investigator of the Kingdom."
His gaze was sharp.
His eyes full of suspicion.
Maybe he was wondering why there were tea leaves stuck to my clothes.
"Name?"
"Aria. Victim of a kidnapping gone wrong. Sweet tea enthusiast. Can't use magic. Last job before getting kidnapped? Part-time office worker who overworked way too often."
He stopped writing.
Either shocked, or confused how I was still alive.
The questioning session was... absurd.
They asked:
1. Why does a cult worship me?
2. Do I have any ancient powers?
3. Did I lead a world-ending summoning ritual?
4. Why was there a horse disguised as a servant?
I answered everything with the flattest expression I could muster.
"Sir, the only 'power' I have is being able to drink stale tea for three days straight without throwing up, And the horse? Well... that's a long story. We can talk about it once I'm less traumatized."
After a round of Q&A that made me want to throw myself out the (locked) window, they came to a conclusion:
"Alright. Based on the evidence and testimony... You really just seem like an ordinary person with very bad luck."
Amazing.
After nearly being sacrificed, called a goddess, and asked to lead cult yoga in black robes, my official status is... 'unlucky.'
They offered me a tent on the outskirts of town, "as a place for recovery."
AKA... being politely exiled.
"We can't let you stay in the palace. There's... pressure from the nobles."
"Oh, that's fine. I'm also traumatized by fancy carpets. I miss wooden floors that go creak when you step on them."
Valmor, the prideful horse, was escorted out of the city with me.
"We can live in peace now, Aria."
"Peace? After cults, soap-jingle rituals, and you pretending to be a maid with holes?"
"The point is: at least we didn't get burned at the stake."
"True. At least today we didn't become martyrs."
A few days after our release, word spread:
The cult was wiped out entirely by the Astralis army.
Some members who fled were captured.
The rest... well, they were said to have "mysteriously vanished" (aka eliminated, but let's all pretend we don't know. ).
The kingdom kept quiet.
Their statement? "Classified operation. For national security."
Funny, isn't it? When the people mess up, they get punished fast.
When the kingdom's involved, they get silenced even faster.
That night, I sat on a big rock, gazing up at the night sky while sipping warm tea (actual tea this time, not the foot-soaked water from the cult).
Valmor stood beside me.
"Do you regret any of it?"
"Me? Just because I joked about sweet tea and ended up as the center of a world-ending cult? Of course not. I loved it. 10 out of 10. Would recommend to everyone in hell."
He was silent for a moment.
"Wanna sleep?"
"Yeah. But if someone in a black robe shows up again, wake me up with a kick, okay?"