Chapter 36: "We Come in Peace (But Our Weapons Collector Doesn't)"
Where Naruto plays hide-and-seek with nature, and Tenten ruins the whole diplomatic vibe just by existing.
So there we were—team ninja plus one emotionally overloaded priestess—sitting around a tea table after being told a legendary sword might literally doom the world in three days.
Which, for us? Eh. Tuesday.
The house smelled like old scrolls and future stress, and I was halfway through my second rice cracker when Tenten, glorious weapon gremlin that she is, casually dropped a bombshell.
"I think," she said, brushing a crumb off her lap, "we should wait until the red moon."
Sakura blinked. "Wait for the moon that makes the sword world-ending?"
"Yep."
Everyone turned slowly to look at her like she'd just proposed inviting the sword to a sleepover.
"Let me get this straight," Kiba said, squinting, "you want us to... let the super evil sword power up first... before we steal it?"
"Not steal," Tenten corrected, all cheerful. "Borrow. For research."
Shikamaru groaned, which was his way of saying, "I see where this is going and I hate it already."
"I mean, think about it," Tenten continued, fully in professor mode now. "Right now the sword's only like, halfway cursed. Kinda like spicy ramen that hasn't reached the 'sweating from your soul' level yet. If we wait until it's fully activated by the red moon, we get to observe the sword's true abilities."
"And then what?" I asked, raising a brow. "Take it apart like a science project?"
"Of course not. I'd just poke it with some chakra-infused tools and catalog its reactions in a sealing scroll. You know. Safely."
Lee nodded solemnly, as if this made perfect sense. "Yes! We must face our foes at their strongest! Anything less would be unyouthful!"
"Or," Neji said dryly, "we could not let the apocalypse sword go Super Saiyan and instead stop it while it's still just emotionally damaged."
"I mean," I said, tilting my head, "Tenten's got a point. If we're already planning to take the sword, why not see what it can really do?"
"Because it's possessing a dude," Sakura snapped. "You know, the fiancé of the lady crying in the corner over there?"
Maya sniffled dramatically, just to really emphasize the guilt trip.
Tenten folded her arms. "I'm just saying—this is a rare chance to study a weapon like this up close. Legendary artifacts don't just fall from the sky every day. Do you know how rare evil swords are with this much personality?"
"Too rare," Shikamaru muttered. "That's the problem."
"And let's be real," I added, "we've fought way worse. Remember when we dealt with that giant demon snail? Or the time Kakashi-sensei's dogs accidentally summoned a rogue tanuki spirit?"
"...That last one was your fault," Sakura reminded me.
"Still counts."
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So there we were again—our lovely, emotionally-shattered priestess friend Maya standing before us with that watery, puppy-eyed look that could probably guilt-trip a mountain into apologizing for existing.
"C-can I ask you something?" she whispered, clutching her sacred beads like they were stress balls from heaven.
"Sure," I said with my best smile, the one that says we're totally qualified to deal with ancient evil swords despite being teens. "Shoot."
"If... you're so confident," she said slowly, "could you at least promise me one thing?"
We all leaned in a little.
"I want you to save Saga," she said, voice cracking. "Not just defeat him—save him. If someone has to be the sword's vessel... please, let it be one of you instead of him."
The room went so quiet you could hear Akamaru's tail thump once against the floor.
Tenten blinked. "You mean, like... volunteer as tribute?"
Maya nodded. "Yes. If you truly have the strength, then please, carry the burden. I'll do the sealing. Just... don't let it take him."
For a second, I almost laughed. Not in a mean way! Just—you know when someone's totally serious and you weren't, but then you feel all warm and gooey inside because they believe in you?
Yeah, that.
I scratched the back of my head. "Don't worry. We were never planning to actually let Saga suffer. We joke around a lot, but we'd never use real people for experiments or stuff. That's super not our thing."
"Yeah," Kiba chimed in. "We mess with each other, not innocent strangers."
"Mostly," Neji added under his breath.
"Relax," I said to Maya. "We've got a plan."
"We always have a plan," Sakura muttered. "It just occasionally involves explosions."
"And ramen," I added proudly.
Maya stared at us like we were the weirdest mix of terrifying and endearing she'd ever seen. Probably accurate.
"So," she asked, voice trembling a bit less, "who's going to take Saga's place?"
We all turned as one... and stared at Shikamaru.
"...What?" he said, blinking like a sleepy deer.
"It makes sense," Tenten said brightly. "You're the physically weakest—"
"Wow," he said flatly.
"—but mentally strongest!" Sakura added quickly. "Like, way stronger."
"And you're way too lazy to ever be possessed into starting a world war," I offered.
"You'd probably just take a nap mid-takeover," Kiba said, snickering.
"The sword would get bored," Neji added helpfully.
Shikamaru stared at all of us with the expression of a man who realized his friends were definitely going to get him killed one day, but he was too tired to stop it.
"...Troublesome," he sighed. "Fine. I'll be your sword sponge."
Maya gaped. "Y-you're really doing this?"
Shikamaru shrugged. "Better me than some guy who actually wants to fight. Besides, I've been possessed before. Wasn't great, but I didn't die."
Maya clutched her beads tighter but gave us a small, watery smile. "Thank you. I don't know if I'm saved or doomed, but... thank you."
"Saved," I said, giving her a thumbs-up. "We don't do doomed."
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The plan was simple. Which, of course, meant it was destined to go completely off the rails.
After the world's most dramatic briefing with Maya the Stressed Priestess™, we split into two groups:
Team "Chill and Protect the Town" (which included basically every adult and emotionally stable ninja)
—and—
Team "Let's Get Cursed For Science," which obviously included yours truly. Because why wouldn't I be on the team walking straight into a haunted Marine dojo to make friends with a soul-hungry sword?
We were about halfway there when Choji pulled out some chips, Kiba started playing with Akamaru, and Shikamaru muttered something about regretting all his life choices—basically, the usual vibes. That's when Tenten brought it up.
"So, listen," she said, the glint in her eye making me instantly nervous, "we're not destroying the curse, right?"
Everyone stopped walking.
"Wait, we're not?" Kankuro asked, frowning.
Tenten turned to him like he'd just asked if kunai could be used for spreading butter. "Of course not. Do you know how rare cursed weapons are? This thing has combat growth potential, autonomy, and battlefield memory. You think I'm gonna let that kind of magical tech just vanish because it's a little evil?"
"Little?" Neji asked dryly.
Tenten waved him off. "Look, in our world, we've handled cursed stuff before. You just gotta learn to contain it. Yin energy's the root of most curses anyway. You either seal them with fuinjutsu or purify them with yang."
"Except purifying destroys it," Choji pointed out.
"Exactly!" she said brightly. "Which is why we're not doing that."
Kiba raised an eyebrow. "So... what are we doing?"
"We control the curse with yin chakra," Naruto said, catching on fast. "If it's born from yin, it listens to it. Makes sense."
"Right," Tenten grinned. "And once I prove to the sword that I'm a perfect host—like, 'hey baby, I can make you stronger, I read your user manual'—I get it to contract with me willingly."
Silence.
"You're trying to seduce the sword," Shikamaru said, deadpan.
"No! I'm trying to negotiate with it through chakra resonance and tactical flattery," Tenten replied, arms crossed.
Same thing, but okay.
"Is that even gonna work?" Neji asked. "This curse is from another world. Their spiritual systems aren't like ours."
"That's the gamble," Naruto shrugged. "But if it's really a curse fed by negative energy, and we've got the chakra control and knowledge to simulate the same vibe, it might just see Tenten as a better host."
"Assuming it doesn't see me first," I added with a sheepish smile.
Everyone looked at me.
Kiba groaned. "Oh right. You're, like, made of yin and yang chakra thanks to Kurama."
Neji nodded. "You're a walking buffet to cursed objects."
Shikamaru side-eyed me. "The sword's gonna drool over you."
"I told you all to let me go alone," Tenten said through gritted teeth.
"Relax," I grinned. "I'll keep my distance. Let it notice you first. I'll even wear something unappealing if it helps."
"Please do," she muttered. "Maybe something with frills and an anti-curse bib."
I gave her a thumbs-up. "Deal. But if things go south, we're not letting it possess you either, okay?"
"We'll yank it out before it gets comfy," Kankuro promised, tapping one of his scrolls.
Tenten gave a curt nod. "Fair enough."
We kept walking, the haunted dojo slowly coming into view, its gates looming like they'd just watched a horror movie and liked it.
"So," Choji asked, "what's the plan if it tries to go full evil and reject everyone?"
Naruto grinned. "Then we take the sword, and stuff it in a sealing scroll until it apologizes."
Kiba cracked his knuckles. "Old-school ninja style."
Shikamaru sighed. "This is gonna be so troublesome."
"You say that about everything," Tenten muttered.
"And I'm always right."
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I wasn't even in the scene—and somehow, I was already sweating.
I mean, sure, I was hiding in the nearby cliffside trees using Sage Mode to practically merge with the local wildlife. I had birds landing on my head and everything. Total stillness. Total stealth. Textbook ninja. But even from where I was, I could feel the tension spike the second Tenten laid eyes on the Shichiseiken.
She gasped so dramatically, I was afraid she'd pull a muscle.
Let me back up.
We'd made it to the Marine Dojo without being challenged. Weird, right? You'd expect haunted sword mind control shenanigans to come with screaming, chanting, or at least some zombie-marine drama.
Instead, the place looked… normal. Neatly swept paths, steady patrols, dudes doing push-ups. It was like an exercise commercial had collided with military discipline. The cursed sword was either way better at pretending to be normal than we thought… or it really had organized these guys into a full-blown gym cult.
Then we saw him.
Saga stood in the training field, surrounded by his men. Tall, confident, noble jawline thing going on. He was slicing through the air in perfect rhythm, using the Shichiseiken like it was born to be in his hands.
And okay, yeah, I'll admit it—the sword was stunning.
The Shichiseiken was unlike any weapon I'd seen, and trust me, I've had several ancient weapons fly at my face mid-battle. This one was long and elegant, an emerald green blade that shimmered with seven glowing points down its center. The guard looked like a blooming flower. The tassel at the end danced with every swing.
It didn't just look powerful. It looked arrogant about being powerful.
And that's when Tenten forgot the mission.
"Oh my god," she breathed like she'd just found a long-lost sibling. "Look at the balance. The curve. The guardwork. It's so pretty—"
"Don't drool," Neji warned her.
"I'm not drooling, I'm appreciating," she hissed. "Do you have any idea what I could do with that thing?"
"Yes," Kiba muttered. "Which is exactly the problem."
That was when Saga turned toward us.
His eyes narrowed—not in that villainous glare way, more like a suspicious teacher who just caught you near his desk. His stance shifted, one hand still on the hilt of the glowing blade.
"Visitors?" he said calmly. "I sensed your approach a while ago. Didn't think you were hostile, so I let my men be."
Smooth. Polite. Very much "swordsman protagonist with secret tragic backstory" vibes.
"Name yourselves," he continued. "And state your purpose."
Neji stepped forward, diplomatic tone in full swing. "We're here to save you."
Saga blinked. "From what?"
"From that," Neji said, nodding to the sword.
Saga's grip on the hilt tightened slightly.
"So," he said flatly, "you're here to steal it."
"What?! No!" Choji said quickly.
"That's not why we're here," Hinata added, hands raised. "We came to help you. The sword is cursed, and it's slowly consuming your will."
Saga raised an eyebrow. "And I'm supposed to believe that?"
Then, very slowly, very deliberately… he pointed directly at Tenten.
"She's been mentally undressing the blade since she walked in."
All eyes turned to Tenten.
"Okay, first of all," she said, arms crossed, "you can't undress a sword. That's just ridiculous. Second, yes, I admire fine craftsmanship and I have a healthy respect for magical artifacts. Sue me."
"You didn't blink for a full minute," Neji said.
"Your chakra flared when you saw the tassel," Kiba added.
"You whispered 'come to mama,'" Shikamaru mumbled.
Tenten threw her arms up. "Fine! Yes! I love that sword! But not in a weird way. In a historical weapons preservation way. And maybe a tiny bit in a 'please let me keep it and name it' way."
Saga looked at her like she was already halfway to joining his dojo.
"See?" he said. "Thieves. Cursed-blade-obsessed thieves."
Shikamaru sighed. "So troublesome…"
Kankuro stepped up, arms folded. "Look, you are cursed. And we are here to take the sword. But only temporarily. So we can uncurse it."
"And then research it," Tenten whispered, earning a full-team glare.
"We can help you," Hinata said softly, gently. "That sword—whatever it gave you—it's taken something in return, hasn't it?"
Saga hesitated.
Just for a second.
It wasn't much. But it was enough for Naruto—still merged with a tree and eavesdropping in full Sage Mode—to feel the subtle flicker of emotional hesitation.
The sword's seven lights pulsed faintly.