"Ethan."
A soft, tender voice.
"You sacrificed everything for me."
I saw nothing but blackness because I couldn't open my eyes.
"You did well. You never disappointed me."
I know that voice well.
"But in the end, fate did not wish what we wished."
A voice that pulsed with my heart.
"And now you are a disgrace."
And it pierced through me.
"You were too late. You procrastinated too much."
I felt my limbs short and soft.
"You are just a burden."
And when I finally opened my eyes, I saw long black hair and a face staring at me with empty eyes, drowned in absolute darkness, and on its white skin was a wide, toothless smile. Only an infinite void.
"You weren't supposed to be born."
Every word she uttered moved her colourless lips like the final nightmare in a miserable life.
"One day you will kill your little sister just as you killed your older brother."
I felt her pushing me... no, moving me.
I was in a child's body and held in her hands.
At her mercy.
"Go and don't come back, you Lumiere curse."
I turned my head with difficulty to find her about to drop me into the fireplace flames.
I tried to move, but my weak body hindered me.
And she let me fall into the flames.
Before the flames touched me, I felt I deserved this. And perhaps this fate would be merciful for someone like me.
But when they touched me, I could only scream.
I raised my body and opened my eyes as wide as possible, and screamed in a voice that echoed within the four walls that surrounded me.
Where am I?...
Was that a dream?
And without realizing it, I whispered: "Arthur?"
I saw my hand covered in white bandages and the shape of my legs from under the red blanket.
And when I looked to my right, I found Arthur sitting beside my bed, and in his eyes were surprise and questioning.
I then felt a jolt of pain throughout my body that forced me to lie down again.
And then I realized where I was.
A white-grey room with a red blanket over the white bed that reflected the sunlight entering from the window to my left.
And to my immediate right and left was a small table with a fruit plate on it.
On the opposite side of the room was a wardrobe of a calm and melancholic beige colour.
And to the left of the wardrobe was a medium-sized desk with various tools, pens, and study supplies on it.
And to the right of the wardrobe was a wall phone with a chair and a table.
Arthur's features, who seemed unexpectedly fine, had calmed; he had fallen from a great height that could have ended his life.
"I knew you wouldn't die," he said with a pure smile like Arctic water.
"It's good that you didn't worry about me; you needed that worry for yourself."
Arthur laughed and leaned back in his chair.
"I fell into a distant river, so my injuries weren't serious. Luckily, they found me after only a day."
Speaking of which.
"Before I lost consciousness, I saw someone in front of me. Who is it? Do you know him?"
Arthur took an apple from the plate and bit into it before answering me.
"Do you remember when you asked who the strongest Despaye user is?" he said, looking at the ceiling and holding the same pure smile.
"Yes?"
He looked to me with his shimmering blue eyes.
"The one who saved you was the Ice War General, Yaraso Vitalis."
I didn't feel surprised. I mean... why would I?
After all I've learned about... myself, it's no wonder I'd be protected by someone like him.
"That's expected." And with these two words, my smile vanished.
Arthur didn't question at all; his own smile faded, and he raised his head, looking at the ceiling. He must have realized after what happened, even if he didn't know exactly anything Kafka said, that after what happened, he would certainly know I was of certain importance.
I wish I were of importance that would benefit me.
And speaking of Kafka, what I said at the end... there's no point in regretting anymore. Rather, perhaps my confession of the matter is more correct, as there's a high probability we won't meet again. Not in the near future. And if we do meet... we won won't be companions.
"When I woke up and raised my body, I felt a shocking pain, but now I feel nothing as I lie down. What kind of magic is this?" I wanted to stand up.
"Remote healing magic that requires you not to move. Don't worry, the healing mage will come in a few minutes to take you to..."
Arthur's silence and his failure to complete the sentence forced me to ask the question I had been keeping at the back of my mind all this time. But, of course, I couldn't ignore it forever, no matter how much I hated it.
"How long was I unconscious?" I said in a tone that held a hint of fear and sadness.
Arthur lowered his head to the ground and spoke, closing his eyes, clasping his hands.
"One month."
So Lumila... was alone at our mother's funeral three weeks ago.
I felt a weight in my chest, and with every breath, it grew heavier. I wouldn't be able to stop these emotions.
"Why didn't you ask why I woke up screaming?" The pains can wait.
It's better for them to wait.
"Do you think I don't know why?"
I smiled, a faint but sufficient smile.
"Absolutely not."
And after a few seconds, the healing mage entered with heavy steps as if she hadn't had an hour of sleep.
Round glasses and dark circles under sleepy eyes on a clearly freckled face, wearing a long white robe.
Arthur stood up and stepped back two paces before the mage sat down and began to examine my pulse with a stethoscope with great precision before asking in a quiet and lazy voice.
"Ethan Lumiere, right?"
"Ye-"
"Don't speak, I'm trying to listen to your heart. You know what? I'm considered the best healing mage in the Kingdom, and the Queen personally requested me and insisted that I take care of you as much as possible."
"Should I be worried?"
She then got up from the chair and put her hands in her pockets.
"Perhaps."
She snapped her fingers, and the black-haired, honey-eyed maid entered, carrying crutches.
"The healing seal placed on you will now move with you as long as you don't move at superhuman speed," she said before stepping out of the room.
The best healing mage in the Kingdom? Crazy.
The maid helped me stand gently until I could balance with the crutches.
And after a few steps, we finally exited the palace, and the gentle breeze greeted me with the orange sunset sky.
"Where's Ankvorena?" I asked, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere.
Arthur glanced at the cloudless sky, and replied.
"near." And a private car stopped for us. Black, and inside, its blackness was mixed with grey and shiny black.
We got in, and it took off.
And what was ten minutes felt like hours, to be honest, I never wanted to go to a place like this again.
At least not for a long time.
But it seems fate doesn't wait for permission.
The car stopped at the largest cemetery in the Kingdom.
The Cemetery of Peace.
I stood on the crutches with my ravaged legs and advanced on the hot rocky ground from the sun's heat. And the trees with their green and yellow leaves stood tall.
Behind me, Arthur followed, and in front of me, I saw a long path, and on both sides, there were graves in numbers more than the blood I had bled.
And I heard the sound of a car from which Ankvorena and Lumila came.
Lumila ran and hugged my legs. And for the first time, I couldn't bend down to her.
She was crying with deep sorrow and severe choking.
And at least she was crying.
It's good that she was crying.
She moved back a little but continued to cling to the hem of my black shirt with her soft hand while tears fell from her light brown eyes. And her black hair, which reminded me of the one who tied it for her every morning, was tied just as... she used to tie it.
And I walked with her slowly and cautiously, and we turned our bodies towards it.
My mother's grave.
[Here lies the soul of the kind and honourable Lady Erathia Lumiere
With head held high and proud, she is honoured.]
And my eyes, with which I looked at the grave, were empty.
Empty.
And my face was pale as a corpse, but I was alive.
And I looked in silence.
Lumila crying. Ankvorena breathing heavily. Arthur silent.
As for me? A fool.
"Did she... leave any will behind?" I asked.
And Arthur replied.
"Lumila. Lumila, Ethan."
And it was more than my mind could bear.
And there. There I knew that I was, without a doubt... not ready.
I gritted my teeth and forced my eyes to look.
And tears obstructed my vision and cursed my failure.
And I wished I were stronger than fate.
If only I were in the embrace of strength.