Saitama was bored. Shadow was bored. Which, for two overpowered enigmas with enough destructive potential to flatten dimensions, was never a good sign.
"Hey," Saitama muttered, side-eyeing Shadow. "Remember when we almost fought but that pink-haired guy stopped us?"
Shadow folded his arms. "I remember. I was about to reveal my true power."
"You say that every time," Saitama replied, blankly.
They both stood up, slowly making their way outside the containment room of the island facility.
"Let's settle it. You and me," Saitama offered, casually cracking his neck. "Who's stronger?"
Shadow's eyes gleamed. "Yes… this is how legends are born."
A sudden flash of pink light intercepted them. Saiki appeared mid-step, sipping coffee jelly like he was watching children about to play with nukes.
"No."
"But—"
"No."
Shadow huffed. "Fine. What about a simulation? No casualties, no craters."
Saitama nodded. "That sounds fun."
Saiki glanced over at Lloyd, who was casually fiddling with his latest artifact. "Simulation."
Lloyd looked up. "Right. Another favor? I'm always being commissioned like a convenience store. Maybe this time you pay me—"
Saiki stared at him. Just stared.
A deathly silence fell over the room.
"…Forget I said anything," Lloyd muttered.
"You'll be compensated," Saiki said. "For the destruction of the island. For Makima's wasted lawsuit. For life."
"No really, it's fine, I like building."
"You can just charge them per use."
Lloyd hesitated. "...A pay-per-fight battle royale?"
Saiki nodded. "Also, aren't you curious?"
Lloyd squinted at the two powerhouses. "Okay, I'll do it."
As he began building the simulator chamber (again), Lloyd glanced back. "Where are you going?"
"Aiura sensed three more arrivals."
---
Meanwhile…
Yuji stood in line at McDonald's. He looked up at the glowing red M and sighed.
"Please let them have ice cream today."
He reached the front counter and blinked in disbelief.
"…Sukuna?"
The king of curses, clad in an apron and visor, sneered. "Of all the damn fast food joints in the world, you come to the one where I'm trying to understand human society?"
Yuji pointed at the fries. "Put it in the bag."
"I'm earning money, idiot."
"I said fries."
Saiki popped in, grabbed Sukuna by the collar like a misbehaving cat, and disappeared.
Moments later, back at the island, Gojo launched a Hollow Purple that obliterated a fake tree near the shore.
"WHY was he here?!"
"Dunno," Saiki said, landing beside him.
---
Inside the simulation chamber…
Lloyd wiped his brow. "Finished."
Saitama and Shadow entered the arena.
The entire island shook.
Saiki's eyes narrowed. "I was joking. Where did you get the materials for this?"
"Kusuke."
Saiki sighed.
Lloyd explained, "It's simple. When catastrophic damage is about to happen, the simulation wakes up the room's fail-safes. It's like building bunkers within bunkers. Also, your brother helped me install multiversal contingency software."
Saiki narrowed his eyes. "Great."
---
The Bracket:
A full tournament board lit up.
Round 1: Choso vs Power
Blood everywhere. Mostly Power's. She yelled, "My blood is cool too!!"
Choso replied, "It's unrefined."
Round 2: Denji vs Yuji
Yuji: "What do you prefer, ass or—"
"Everything," Denji cut him off. "As long as it's female."
Reze, watching from afar, slowly turned away in disgust.
Round 3: Aki vs Fushiguro
Megumin chanted. "With this sacred treasure i summon Divine general sila Mahoraga!"
Aki turned and gestured. "A pointless fight. Kon."
"I know." Fushiguro responded
The simulation ended instantly.
Round 4: Toji vs Sukuna
No footage remained. Too graphic. Some viewers cried.
Round 5: Gojo vs Geto
The simulator rated it "Too Personal" and self-terminated.
Round 6: Rudeus vs Frieren
Ended in a tie. Too awkward.
Round 7: Lloyd vs… Reinhardt.
Subaru screamed from the audience. "WAIT, THAT'S REINHARDT! HE'S THE STRONGEST!"
Lloyd smiled. "I know."
Reinhardt readied a defensive stance. "I will not underestimate you."
Lloyd stepped forward. "It doesn't matter how many divine blessings you have. My singing… will rupture your eardrums."
He sang.
Everyone nearly passed out.
The simulator shut down in panic.
Lloyd raised a fist. "Victory."
Javier clapped. Slowly. Respectfully.
Round 8: Senku vs Light
They sat. Played chess.
Senku: "King me."
Light: "This is chess."
Light won. Barely.
Round 9: Makima vs Yoru
The footage corrupted. All that remained was a single frame of Makima smiling.
No one asked questions.
Round 10: Jinwoo vs Shadow Garden and Rudeus's wives.
"They're not even fighting each other, it's a whole army of shadows and women." Lloyd stated.
Lloyd pulled the end simulation.
Final Match: Kazuma vs Darkness
"Seriously? Out of all characters, why Darkness?" Kazuma grumbled, holding Vanir's cursed mask.
Darkness, drooling: "Hurt me more."
Kazuma sighed. "Subaru, switch with me."
"Nope."
"I warned you," Kazuma muttered—and proceeded to beat her like a JRPG boss.
"First proper fight and its Kazuma." Subaru said
Denji interrupted. "Is it even considered proper?"
Everyone stared in horror.
Senku: "We need therapy."
Power: "This guy's worse than that guy who was scamming at the shrine (Toritsuka)."
---
Aftermath
The bracket finalized. Winners moved on. Ties eliminated. Light forfeited. The simulator crashed. Lloyd shrugged.
"So… who's the strongest?" someone asked.
They turned.
Saitama sat, eating chips.
Shadow floated, arms crossed.
Gojo pointed to himself with a grin.
And Saiki walked in.
Holding coffee jelly.
Everyone: "…It's Saiki."
Saiki: "Obviously."
Oh, and the 3rd arrival was Shoko, Gojo's buddy. She volunteered in healing the injured.
---
End.
*****
A/N
I'm starting a patreon >o<
If you want to support me there will also be benefits such as being 3 chapters ahead, early access, and exclusive content like art!
Only if you want to of course.
https://www.patreon.com/mielspi