"Well... might as well start the journey."
He took his first step.
And immediately tripped over the bush.
Shinji finally approached close enough to speak.
A soft chime echoed in his head again.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE]
Two soldiers detected ahead — likely part of the King's Landing military outpost.
They may provide directions to your objective.
→ Objective: Proceed to King's Landing and retrieve your assigned title: Cardinal, Chief Protector.
Warning: Communication may be hindered by language barriers. Proceed with caution.
Shinji squinted up at the two armored figures standing atop the outpost tower. They stared back down at him — silent, unreadable, clearly waiting for him to say something.
He took a breath. "Alright... Just gotta play it smart," he muttered.
Then, as if answering some ancient ritual, he threw both hands up dramatically and called out:
"HELL-LOOOOO! SA-LUUUU-TAAA-TIONS!!"
He exaggerated each syllable, waving slowly as if that would somehow unlock the universal language. His hands flailed like confused sign language, eyebrows raised, voice comically loud and overly polite.
Up on the tower:
Carl blinked. Then turned to Jonno.
Carl:
"…Did he just say 'salutations'?"
Jonno:
"Yup."
Carl:
"…What the fuck? He must think we're brain-damaged with the way he moves his hands ."
Jonno stared down at Shinji, who was now giving two thumbs up and an awkward smile like a tourist who just asked for a bathroom in Ancient Elvish.
Jonno (deadpan):
"Play along."
He lifted a hand and waved enthusiastically back at Shinji, smiling like a man loving every moment of his job and loves talking to customers telling them how much he enjoyed his job.Carl hesitated, still baffled, but slowly mirrored the wave.
Back below:
Shinji felt a wave of relief. "They understood! Success!"
The system chimed again:
[COMMUNICATION -initiated- SUCCESSFUL (…somehow)]
Locals appear to have acknowledged your greeting.
Continue engagement and request directions to King's Landing.
He gave them a thumbs up again, then pointed toward the horizon where he assumed the city might be.
Shinji (loudly):
"WHERE… IS… THEE… KING'S… LAND…DING!?"
(Gesturing in every cardinal direction.)
Back on the tower:
Carl:
"…he's still doing that hand waving crap at us like we're some idiots."
Jonno (cheerfully):
"Poor guy doesn't even know we understand English. He wants directions acting like that? I almost feel bad for the fella. So sad, watching a young man make a fool of himself waving his hands like a homeless person."
Carl (muttering):
"We're definitely not telling him anything, right?"
Jonno:
"Oh, absolutely not. But let's see how long he keeps this stuff up. You know what? Let's test him a little."
Jonno cupped his hands around his mouth and called out, mimicking Shinji's exaggerated gestures:
Jonno (mocking):
"SALUUU-TA-TIONS! Sorry, what language is that? We don't understand you!"
Shinji (earnest, shouting back):
"It's… Eng… lish!"
He waved excitedly, nodding, convinced he was making progress completely forgetting that Jonno had just replied to him in English.
Shinji (dragging words, gesturing):
"It's… Eng…lish… You… can't… speak… Eng…lish?"
Jonno (grinning):
"Sorry, we can't speak Eng…lish."
Shinji (under his breath):
"Crap! How am I supposed to communicate now…"
He placed a hand on his chin, deep in fake thought completely ignoring what had just happened.
Jonno (turning to Carl):
"Yep. He's an idiot. And that's the guy they picked to be a Cardinal—the one who's supposed to protect the kingdom from the Demon Lord."
Carl (deadpan):
"They're screwed for sure."
Shinji suddenly perked up, eyes wide with realization.
A surge of excitement ran through him.
"Wait a second…"
He'd seen enough anime to know how this worked.
If English didn't work… obviously they'd understand Japanese.
Jonno (nudging Carl, curious):
"Maybe he's not a complete idiot after all. Looks like he figured it out. Maybe he realized we just spoke back to—"
Before Jonno could finish, Shinji raised a hopeful hand and shouted:
Shinji (slowly, awkwardly):
"Wh… what about… Japa…nneeeese?"
Jonno let out a groan and slapped a hand to his face.
A full, shameful facepalm.
From Shinji's perspective, it looked like… confusion.
"Ah. They really don't understand," he thought.
Carl (playing along, smirking):
"No English. No Japanese. We only speak… Spanish."
Shinji (blinking):
"Spanish? What the—?"
Shinji cupped his hands and shouted louder, voice tinged with panic:
Shinji:
"SPANISH!? Sorry — I don't speak Spanish!"
He raised his hands in surrender. "All I know is... sí."
There was a pause. Then, with a burst of enthusiasm, he nodded furiously.
"Sí! Sí! Help, yes! Sí need to go to... sí King 's Landing!"
Carl (playing along, raising an eyebrow):
"¿Un idiota como tú buscando King's Landing?"
Shinji (confidently, as if he nailed it):
"Sí sí! King's Landing!"
Jonno (muttering behind his hand):
"This is… unbelievable."
Carl (grinning):
"Best entertainment we've had all season."
Then, caught up in the moment and forgetting himself, Carl leaned over the railing and shouted down:
Carl:
"¡Las direcciones a Desembarco del Rey están en tu culo!"
Jonno (snapping):
"Carl! Maybe you're forgetting yourself."
Shinji blinked.
He heard the word again. "Culo."
It echoed in his brain like a spell.
He looked down at himself.
Then back up.
Then muttered, confused:
Shinji:
"…Why does that sound weird?"
Shinji stood there, trying to decipher what he'd just heard.
That last word… "culo."
Something about it sounded… off.
He squinted.
"Culo…? Why does that sound kinda… suspicious?"
Desperate and hopeless, he finally shouted up:
Shinji:
"What does that even mean?!"
Jonno (breaking):
"It means get up here, dumbass!"
He leaned over the railing, waving him on.
"Stop it already — we understand you!"
Shinji (blinking):
"Y–you… understand me?"
There was a long pause as the truth sank in.
Shinji:
"Wait… WAIT.
You guys speak English?!"
Carl (deadpan):
"Yes. Now climb up."
Shinji (muttering to himself as he starts climbing):
"…I hate this world already."
Shinji finally climbed over the edge, panting, clothes torn, twigs in his hair, and pride in shambles.
Shinji (breathing hard):
"Okay… I made it. Now can someone please explain what the hell is going on? And why the heck did you all pretend not to understand English?"
Jonni (smirking):
"We were just messing with you. Relax."
Carl (grinning):
"Sí."
Jonno (groaning):
"Zip it, Carl with the Spanish."
(He steps forward, more serious now.)