You'd think after a day full of spiritual leaks, magic math, and devil deals, I'd get a quiet night's sleep. But nope. My brain had other plans.
I found myself standing in the dream world again — a place that looked suspiciously like that weird ramen stand near the train station, only floating in the middle of a starry void. Naturally.
"Yo!" Issei waved at me like we were meeting for coffee and not in the metaphysical realm of subconscious bonding. "Took you long enough. Thought you died or something."
"Only my dignity," I groaned, plopping down beside him. "You would not believe the day I had."
He grinned like a kid expecting gossip. "Hit me with it."
So I told him.
About how I finally took down Kisara — the terrifyingly hot delinquent queen of the neighborhood. How her gang now served me, under the totally-awesome-and-not-at-all-ominous name: Akatsuki. Issei's eyes widened at that part like I'd just said I'd married an idol.
"You absorbed her gang?!" he sputtered. "Dude! I've been ogling her since middle school! You're living my shounen fantasy!"
I shrugged with all the fake humility I could muster. "What can I say? She kicked me through three walls before we had a bonding moment."
Then I told him about the weird talking cat — you know, just casual dream talk. The one that dropped the name Ryozanpaku like it was supposed to mean something. Still no clue what it is, but if a magical cat says it's important, I'm listening.
And then — because the universe was clearly on caffeine — I got a surprise visit from Sona Sitri, the local student council president, part-time devil, full-time honor student, and — apparently — the sister of that magical girl Kuroka had hinted at.
I told Issei about her proposal, how she tried to recruit me as a devil, and how I turned her down but agreed to be a freelance magical mercenary instead.
Issei just stared at me for a full ten seconds, his jaw slowly falling open.
Then:
"Bro. You met Kisara, and Sona Sitri in one day?! You're not a ninja. You're a dating sim protagonist!"
I held up a finger. "Correction: I didn't date any of them."
"Yet," he muttered darkly, crossing his arms. "I'm telling you, man, you're gonna end up with a girlfriend before me — and you're the guy who punches people for fun."
I smirked. "Don't worry. You've got your training arc, right? How's that going?"
Immediately, Issei's face lit up like a festival lantern. "Oh! I finished my beginner training today! Master Jiraiya said we're finally moving out of the Tutorial Forest™."
"Nice!" I grinned. "Where to?"
"Dunno yet, but as long as it's not that one forest and not that one bar, I'm thrilled."
Fair. After a month of the same trees and the same bartender giving you that look every time you broke another stool? Anyone would be excited.
He leaned in closer, whispering like a kid sharing treasure map details.
"And guess what? Jiraiya-sama finally started my harem training."
I blinked. "I'm sorry — your what training?"
"Harem training," he repeated proudly, like it was a college course. "Says it's good for my soul health. Gotta expand emotionally, connect with women, you know? Bond deeply."
I raised an eyebrow. "By deeply, you mean…"
"I've only been cuddling with the bar waitresses," he said quickly. "Nothing... advanced yet."
"Right. Baby steps."
We both laughed, and for a moment the void felt less void-y. Just two guys, joking around in a dream dimension, talking about gangs, magic, devil girls, and harem goals.
You know. Teenage stuff.
Before we drifted off into deeper dreams, I gave him a pat on the back.
"You'll get your adventure, Issei. Just don't let Jiraiya get you arrested."
"No promises," he grinned.
Once we'd finished trading stories like old pen pals in the void, Issei leaned in, eyes gleaming with that rare mix of excitement and seriousness that only came when he was talking about cool power stuff.
"Alright, listen close," he said. "Jiraiya dropped some wisdom bombs on me today — real foundational stuff about Ki and Spirit energy."
I perked up. Finally, something to explain why my soul felt like it was bench-pressing cars while my body still got winded climbing stairs.
"Turns out you were right," Issei continued. "Ki? Totally locked behind a peak human achievement wall. You gotta have your body as strong as your soul — or at least not completely dragging it down — before Ki'll even consider unlocking."
"Figures," I muttered. "Like asking a Ferrari engine to run in a tricycle frame."
"Exactly!" he said, snapping his fingers. "That's why Master Jiraiya told me to keep training my body. No shortcuts. Ki's like trying to control lightning with wet spaghetti arms if you're not physically ready."
"Gross mental image. But accurate."
He nodded sagely. "But here's the kicker — spiritual energy? That one's tied to your soul, and it's already off the charts, dude. Your soul's pushing your body forward like a turbo booster strapped to a lawn mower."
That... was actually way too accurate. I'd been feeling off lately. Stronger, faster — but also like I was one sneeze away from blasting a hole through the fridge.
"Spiritual power increases with experience, knowledge... or y'know, devouring souls," Issei added, with a casual shrug that made me give him a look.
"I'm not out here soul-snacking, bro."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just telling you the lore."
He grinned, but then his expression sobered again. "Here's the key: Chakra keeps both Ki and Spirit in balance. It's why people like you — chakra users — naturally grow in both areas. It's like a feedback loop. Your spiritual power is already overclocked, so if you can focus and will it properly, you can start doing things that would normally need magic."
"Like illusions?" I asked, eyes narrowing.
"Exactly. Illusions, spiritual constructs, barriers — all that cool stuff. But here's the problem…"
He gave me a serious look.
"You haven't activated it yet. It's just leaking. Dormant. Unfocused."
"Great," I muttered. "So I'm walking around with a leaking battery that could be a laser cannon."
He chuckled. "Pretty much. But there is a way to jumpstart it."
"Hit me."
"Either you get a magic user to send a pulse of magical energy into your body to sync it — like an awakening shockwave — or..." He trailed off.
"Or?" I prompted.
"You take a massive, overwhelming shock — something extreme enough to trigger your soul-body synchronization through sheer trauma. Y'know. Classic shounen awakening rules."
"...So either Sona zaps me with a spiritual taser," I deadpanned, "or I get hit by a truck."
"Hey, 'Truck-kun' has a reputation," Issei said with a grin. "But yeah. Basically."
I rubbed my temple. This was so far above normal human problems. Like, how do you even explain this to a school counselor?
"Thanks, Issei. Seriously. That helps a lot."
"Anytime, bro," he said, giving me a fist bump.
We floated there in the dream world, two future powerhouses trying to figure out how not to explode from within.
One thing was clear though —
If I wanted to master my spiritual power, I either needed a magical friend…
…or I needed to find a lightning storm and some bad decisions.
----------------------------
Issei's POV
Issei woke up with the sun barely peeking over the horizon, the morning air thick with mist and the scent of dew-soaked foliage. The Forest of Death wasn't exactly the most welcoming bed & breakfast, but after a month, it felt weirdly like home. Well… a home where everything wanted to kill you.
He sat up slowly from his makeshift sleeping mat, wincing from phantom soreness. Sparring with Naruto in the dream world always left his body tired even if it didn't show any bruises. He glanced at his hands — Naruto's hands. Still transformed. With a quick breath and a puff of smoke, he returned to his true self.
"Aaaah~" he groaned, stretching. "Another beautiful morning in trauma camp."
He did his usual full-body stretches — not just because Gai-sensei would say "youthful warriors must greet the sun with a battle cry," but because Jiraiya would literally dropkick him if he was caught sleeping past six. Again.
After his joints popped and he got the blood flowing, he headed down to the river. Breakfast time. As always, he started with fishing — old-fashioned way, bare hands and quick strikes. He snagged three decently sized fish before a rustle in the brush caught his attention.
"Oh, hey, breakfast part two."
A pair of giant snakes slithered too close and were promptly handled with an explosive tag trap he had set nearby. One hiss and a boom later, they were de-fanged, tied up, and on their way to the campfire. On the way back, he snagged a young deer with a well-aimed kunai.
"Forest diet: 90% protein, 10% guilt," he muttered.
By the time he made it to the campsite, he had a decent haul. Within fifteen minutes, the fire was lit, the fish were sizzling, and he was humming the Ichiraku Ramen jingle as he flipped meat on the pan.
And like clockwork, they appeared.
Jiraiya, Kakashi, and Gai materialized like ghosts — or more accurately, hungry predators that had scented prey. One moment the woods were quiet, the next they were perched around him like he was running a ninja IHOP.
"Smells good," Kakashi said, eye smiling as usual.
"Ah! Youthful prey! You have conquered the wilderness once again!" Gai gave a thumbs up, his teeth practically sparkling.
Jiraiya, as usual, didn't say much right away. He just sat, sniffed, and looked proud. Proud of the food. Proud of the routine. Proud of him.
"Alright, spill it," Jiraiya said once breakfast started. "What did Naruto say?"
Issei grinned. This was the part he looked forward to. Naruto was more than just a best friend — he was a shared treasure among them. They treated news about him the way fangirls treated celebrity gossip.
"He told me about Kisara," Issei said while chewing some roasted fish. "Took her down, absorbed her gang, and renamed it Akatsuki."
Kakashi let out a low whistle.
"Also got recruited by the student council president — turns out she's a devil. Name's Sona Sitri."
At that, both Jiraiya and Kakashi leaned in like gossiping aunties. Gai just looked confused.
"A devil?" Kakashi echoed. "That's new."
"Not just a devil," Issei added. "The sister of that magical girl we saw last month."
"Oh, I like this plot development," Jiraiya said, rubbing his hands. "Romance? Rivalry? Inter-dimensional seduction?"
"Heh," Issei chuckled, but then pouted slightly. "Honestly, Naruto's surrounded by babes again. Kisara, Sona… It's not fair. Man's just walking into harems like he ordered them off a menu."
Kakashi blinked at him.
"You're literally being trained by Jiraiya and me. What were you expecting?"
That was true, but still!
With a dramatic sigh, Issei leaned back, hands behind his head. "Alright… speaking of which… Can I, uh… meet a kunoichi? A hot one? Y'know, for motivation?"
There was a moment of silence. Gai looked horrified.
"Youth should be focused on growth and integrity, not such impure thoughts!" he declared, eyes blazing.
"Boooo," Issei muttered.
But before Gai could launch into a speech, Kakashi placed a hand on Issei's shoulder like a cool uncle about to give forbidden wisdom.
"Don't worry, Issei," he said, voice low. "Your request is… reasonable."
Jiraiya's grin was so wide, it looked like it might crack his face.
"Finally, my boy. Finally. I was beginning to worry. We can start phase one of the 'Harem Heart Awakening Technique' tomorrow."
"You named it?" Issei blinked.
Jiraiya's eyes sparkled. "Of course. You're my legacy."
Gai wept into his hands.
Kakashi pulled out a brochure — where did he get that? — titled: "Top 10 Villages with Beautiful Kunoichi: A Shinobi's Dating Guide."
---------------------
The playful atmosphere shattered like glass.
Issei blinked. "Wait, what?"
Jiraiya's hands, once clasped gleefully at the prospect of starting harem training, now rested grimly on his knees. Kakashi's posture straightened, no longer relaxed. Even Gai stood quietly, his youthful glow muted by gravity.
"You heard us," Jiraiya said, his voice low. "A death match. You versus a real enemy shinobi. No rules. No help."
"...But why?" Issei asked, his voice unsteady.
Kakashi answered, his tone soft but firm. "Because the world doesn't care how good your heart is, Issei. When steel meets flesh, when chakra burns through bone… either you live, or you die. This test isn't just about strength. It's about resolve."
Issei lowered his head, gripping his pants. His knuckles turned white.
"Can't I… just train more?"
"You have trained," Jiraiya said. "For a whole month. And you've done well. But theory isn't battle. If we send you out there without ever knowing if you're ready to kill, we might as well write your obituary now."
The silence that followed was deafening. No jokes. No teasing. Just three veteran shinobi looking at him with the weight of war behind their eyes.
Then… flip.
Kakashi opened a special scroll-bound book with a dramatic flourish. On each page was a perfectly rendered photograph, chakra-sealed to preserve it — vibrant, detailed, immortal-tier images.
Issei blinked. "…What is that?"
"Motivation," Kakashi replied. "The legendary beauties of the ninja world. If you survive, if you succeed, you get to pursue one of these women someday."
Issei leaned in despite himself. The first image: Shizune, in a medical outfit that left little to the imagination, kneeling beside a wounded ninja with a gentle smile.
"Sh-She's a medic?" he squeaked.
Kakashi nodded solemnly. "And a loyal one. Will patch your wounds and scold you after."
Next: Pakura, fiery hair blowing in the wind, a kunai in one hand, and sand melting around her. Her eyes were fierce — a predator's gaze with model features.
"Y-Yes, I would die to be with her," Issei mumbled.
Flip. Samui. Icy, busty, stunning. Her face deadpan, her figure anything but cold. Arms crossed, thighs barely hidden by her Kumo uniform. Tactical and tempting.
"W-Wait, is this allowed—?"
"Shh." Kakashi flipped again.
Mei Terumi. Red lips. Smoldering eyes. A seduction incarnate with lava release and confidence dripping like honey. She stared at the reader like she knew you were already hers.
And finally: Yugito Nii. Golden hair, sharp chakra claws, and a body built like a dancer and a hunter combined. She smirked at the viewer as if to say: Chase me, if you dare.
Issei's jaw dropped. His pupils were dilated like he had been hit with a genjutsu of desire.
"This is your reward," Kakashi said coolly. "Survive and grow stronger, and one day, you'll be worthy of even asking one of them on a date."
"You're manipulating me," Issei muttered, eyes still glued to the scroll.
Jiraiya shrugged. "Absolutely."
Gai finally spoke, reluctantly: "...Even the fires of youth need fuel."
Issei stood up, his fists clenched with renewed purpose.
"Okay. I'll do it," he said. "I don't care if I get cut or broken — I'll survive. For Shizune. For Pakura. For Samui. For Mei. For Yugito."
He struck a pose worthy of an E-ranked protagonist making his first S-ranked declaration.
"AND ONE DAY… I'LL KISS THEM ALL!"
Jiraiya and Kakashi saluted in approval. Gai fainted dramatically in the background.
"Alright," Jiraiya grinned. "Suit up. The death match begins at dusk."