I hate that I feel this way about you, but I'm more upset that I can't tell you how I feel. Ever since I heard you say you were in a relationship last night, I can't help but to feel that my time has just been wasted. I guess if anyone's to blame then it would be me, seeing as how I just couldn't leave you alone. I feel like it's my fault because I was afraid to put myself out there and say what's in my heart. It's just… How do I tell you that you're the only one that makes me happy? How do I explain to you that whenever I look at you I just can't help but to smile? I guess none of that matters now though seeing as how you're in a relationship and all… I guess my feelings weren't all that important to you after all. Maybe you've just been trying to keep me around as a backup plan for when that relationship doesn't work out? Now I just want to know one thing… Was this just a game to you, or was any of the time we spent together real? Why couldn't we have more nights like the one at the park? Why did you just lead me on to believe I had a chance with you just to crush me like this? Did you not understand how I felt about you? Did you just not care about my feelings? Maybe it's because of how I felt that you did this to me? But if that's the case, why can't I let you go after you've hurt me so bad? What is it that's keeping me around you like this? It's like I want to stop caring about you and move on, but it's like I want to keep you around because if I was to move on I'd be settling. I don't want to have to settle for anyone else right now, I thought I was done settling for people. It's just something in your words that continues to give me hope, hope that maybe you and I will someday be together. I guess that hope is slowly disappearing though since you're in a "relationship" now… So what does that mean for me? Are you just going to continue to toy with my emotions and give me false hope? Maybe we just need to have a talk and set up some boundaries. Let's make sure we're clear and on the same page so that I no longer have to be confused about how you feel about me, and how things are between us. All I really want to know is if you're in a relationship, can we fuck (just once if at all), and why would you intentionally flirt with me if you were already talking to someone else and had no intention of dating me? Honestly, I thought things were looking up for me after the night we spent together at the park, but ever since then it just seems like things have changed… I understand you felt like I overreacted to your question that night, but It's only because you didn't see any fault in the way you brought it to my attention. Had you just simply asked me, I probably would've been able to answer you, but because I heard the word "friend" I just lost it. I mean honestly, I don't know exactly what it is that makes me like you, but I do know I enjoy spending time with you, I enjoy seeing the different sides of you (or at-least seeing you in a new light), I enjoy/love the connection I thought we had, but most of all I just enjoy you. You make me feel a way I haven't felt about anyone else before, and the fact that no matter what I'm always smiling when I see you just sets you apart from everyone else. Now the only problem is how do I tell you this (again)? How do I get my feelings across to you so that you understand where I'm coming from and why I act the way I do towards you? How can I get you to understand and accept my feelings when I don't even think you feel the same way? How could I possibly tell you all of this without putting myself out there like a fool only to lose you in the process? Why can't you just love me the way I want to love you???
