"So~ once we finish the mission today, let's head back for a rest. Then, we'll scout out a nice spot for a trip. Tomorrow, we'll have the company's agent submit a special assignment—let's get out of the village and clear our minds."
"After all, when fate is dragging its feet, making the first move isn't a bad idea."
---
As a seasoned ninja who had lived through countless battles, the Third Hokage was practically a living chronicle of ninja history. Throughout his long life, he had seen all sorts of shinobi—like the First Hokage Senju Hashirama, a pioneer whose immense power was rivaled only by his deep yearning for peace; or the Second Hokage Senju Tobirama, whose cold and rational demeanor masked a selfless devotion to the village, even unto death; and, of course, exceptional ninjas like his own three disciples, each marked by fierce determination.
But… honestly? A ninja who assigned a mission to themselves—this was a first.
"Then~ the mission request is as follows: Please designate Konohagakure Genin Team 7 for a location scouting assignment in the Land of Waves. Mission rank: B. Here is the commission fee—150,000 ryo. Mission duration: one week."
Hinata, having removed her forehead protector, stood confidently in front of the Mission Assignment Desk, presenting the details to Iruka. Meanwhile, Iruka could only sigh in exasperation, hand pressed to his forehead.
"Hinata, you're a member of Team 7. What's the logic in assigning a mission to yourself?"
"Nope~ Iruka-sensei, this is different. I'm not wearing my Konoha forehead protector right now, so I'm acting in my role as director of the Tales of the Fox Spirit production crew. So please register the mission and issue the orders. Only after that, when I put the protector back on, will I be Hyūga Hinata of Konoha."
Effortlessly bickering with Iruka, Hinata wasn't at all worried about losing the argument. After all, the mission system did allow for designated personnel—just with extra pay and pre-booking. And let's be real: a B-rank mission was the highest level you could personally request. Even Konoha had to handle it with care.
"Sigh… always finding loopholes. Well~ Iruka, go ahead and register it."
Adjusting the Hokage hat on his head, the Third couldn't help but let out a resigned chuckle. Generally, shinobi weren't allowed to leave the village at will, but if there was a special reason, one could apply. Some might need rare jutsu materials or seek out training grounds.
Naturally, internal applications required higher-ups' approval, making the process restrictive. And since shinobi didn't exactly earn big bucks, no one had ever commissioned a mission to themselves. Hinata was the first.
"Well... understood, Hokage-sama."
Iruka, resigned, began drafting the mission request according to Hinata's specifications. On the side, Naruto was nodding enthusiastically. "That's our Hinata! Always got a plan~!"
Sigh... what kind of teacher am I, really?
Kakashi, rubbing his forehead, didn't actually disapprove of Hinata's approach. She wasn't wrong—she was the director of Tales of the Fox Spirit, and she did need regular field material. Besides, the mission was low-risk and brought revenue into the village—a win-win.
"Alright, Team 7, listen up. Assist Tales of the Fox Spirit director Hyūga Hinata, along with actors Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto, in a one-week scouting mission to the Land of Waves. Team members: Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Sasuke, Uzumaki Naruto. Team leader: Jōnin Hatake Kakashi. That sound right?"
Reviewing the completed mission scroll, the Third looked at Hinata—who had now put her Konoha protector back on—with a faint smile. "No mistakes, right?"
"Yup~ team's confirmed. No issues at all. So, can we head out now?"
Hinata nodded in satisfaction. As she always believed, anything that could be solved with money wasn't a real problem.
"Excellent~ then, Kakashi, I have another mission for you."
But the Third didn't close his mission book. Instead, he flipped to another page smoothly. "Coincidentally, there's also a C-rank escort mission headed to the Land of Waves. So, I'm assigning it to your Team 7 as well."
"Understood!"
Kakashi accepted the command without hesitation. But Hinata's eyes flashed. "Wait a second! Team 7 has already accepted my mission. Why are we being assigned another one? Even shinobi don't handle two missions at once!"
"Hehe, you've misunderstood. Your mission is to assist Hinata and others with their scouting in the Land of Waves. This mission is to escort someone to the Land of Waves."
The Third smiled, voice full of grandfatherly wisdom. "So the two tasks don't interfere—they can be completed simultaneously."
No doubt about it—his word-twisting logic left Hinata speechless. She wasn't the only one skilled at bending rules.
"Ah, so that means... we'll complete the escort first, and then carry out the scouting mission. Yeah~ that works."
Kakashi nodded, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. After exchanging a glance with the Third, both wore the smug expressions of grown men with a clever plan. It was obvious—this C-rank escort was likely already scheduled. Hinata had simply delivered herself, and brought a paid B-rank commission. Konoha just scored free money.
"...Fine~ Hokage-sama, rest assured, we'll complete both missions properly."
After a short pause, Hinata gave an elegant smile. The white-eyed girl snapped her fingers briskly.
"Naruto, show the Hokage what you've been training lately."
"Huh? Ah… that jutsu? Got it~!"
Hinata's sharp glance lit a fire in Naruto. Without missing a beat, he clapped his hands together in a hand sign, summoned all his strength, and shouted:
"Take this! Grandpa Hokage!! Oiroke no Jutsu!! (Sexy Technique!!)"
Poof!
With a puff of smoke, the blond knucklehead vanished—and in his place stood multiple tall, busty blonde girls with twin tails, in the nude. Each identical, but posed differently—one bashfully covering her ample chest, one with seductive eyes and half-hidden curves, another clutching her chest in a delicate, fragile manner. Their blue eyes sparkled like sapphires, brimming with suggestive allure as they purred toward the Third Hokage:
"Hoogemaa~~"
Their sweet voices rang like pearls scattering on a jade plate—clear, crisp, and... devastating.
And of course—
PFFFT!!
"Oh no~! The Hokage's down from a nosebleed!"
"And Iruka-sensei too~!!"
As the shrieks of chaos erupted, the mission room descended into utter mayhem. Without question, the most forbidden jutsu in the Naruto universe had once again defeated a Kage-level ninja.
Roughly twenty minutes later, the wrecked assignment room was finally cleaned up. Kakashi, holding Naruto and Hinata by the scruffs of their necks, bowed with a weary smile to the still-dabbing Third.
"So sorry… this is a failure on my part as their teacher..."
"Cough… What a ridiculous jutsu… whatever. You've got your missions, now get going."
The Third turned aside, nose packed with cotton and face beet red. "I'm busy too, so I won't keep you."
"Mm~ then please take care of your health~~"
Hinata, finally exhaling in relief, shot one last teasing jab at the Third before Kakashi—still smiling wryly—dragged her out of the room. Call it a draw: the Third tried to mess with Hinata via a double-mission trick, and Hinata hit back with Naruto's Sexy Technique. Mutual respect, in its own twisted way.
Soon, Team 7 met the one caught in the gears of fate—the man hitching a ride on the plot: the bridge-building expert from the Land of Waves, Tazuna.
"Seriously~? Just a bunch of brats? You sure these kids can protect me?"
Swigging his sake, Tazuna eyed Kakashi skeptically. The white-haired Jōnin just forced a friendly smile. "Don't worry~ you've got a Jōnin leading the team. We'll get you to the Land of Waves safe and sound."
"Wahahaha~! I hope some powerful enemies show up! I'll send them flying!"
"Shut up already, dead last."
"Can it! All of you, shut your mouths!"
---
Meanwhile, deep in a forest...
Fresh blood had drawn a swarm of buzzing flies. They greedily feasted on crimson trails dripping from tree trunks—nature's grotesque banquet.
Two cloaked corpses were nailed to the trees, blood seeping from their wounds. From their attire and Mist Village forehead protectors, they had clearly been Kirigakure shinobi.
Below, another gruesome scene unfolded. A strange, blood-drawn sigil lay on the forest floor, its lines sharp and ominous. Inside it lay a silver-haired man, chest pierced clean through by a blade. Even a glance at this grotesque, blood-soaked tableau evoked an evil so thick it felt tangible.
"It's been thirty minutes already… you're always this damn chatty."
Kakuzu sat calmly on a rock, eyes scanning a map. This week, he and Hidan had combed through nearly every minor nation listed by Pain. Now, only one remained.
"Shut up, Kakuzu! Our dogma is strict—I don't make the rules~!"
Like a corpse rising from the grave, Hidan sat up and yanked the blade from his chest, then stretched with a satisfied yawn. "Mmm~~ not bad. Killing really lifts my spirits. They were just two nobodies, but they'll do nicely as a snack for Jashin-sama."