"You give your pets plain boiled chicken, rice, and some of their dry food?" Eira asked me as I set down Doc and Bonnie's plates on the floor for them to eat.
"Eat," I told them, and they started eating happily. Then I said to Eira, "Yeah, I do. It's good for them, and I like to spoil them every once in a while."
"He means he likes to spoil them every day with stuff," Kharo said as he ate some of the bison stew. His bowl also had rice in it since I'm trying to get him to gain some weight, so I feed him foods that help with that—rice is great for it, and bread too.
"I don't think there's a problem with spoiling my little beasts a bit," I replied as I sat down at the dining table with them.
"Would you spoil us?" Ollie asked teasingly, leaning into me from the side with a cup of wine in his hand. I could feel him rubbing his leg against mine.
"Of course I would. I mean, in the living room, everything that's new is something I bought for Kharo," I said as I felt Ollie's hand grab mine and guide it to his thigh gently, and I gave his thigh a soft squeeze.
"Hey, that's not completely true. I buy every game I have myself by selling things I find during my travels," Kharo said, sounding really proud of himself.
"The travels that I pay for," I said teasingly, and you could just see Kharo deflate.
"Stop teasing the poor fox," Eira said to me as she did exactly the same thing Ollie did.
These two were seriously tempting me, rubbing up against me like that, and damn if I wasn't—
Something was wrong.
I stood up fast, then shoved Eira and Ollie into a corner of the dining room. I grabbed Kharo by his collar and pushed him into the corner too. I turned to Doc and Bonnie and barked, "To that corner now!" and they obeyed immediately.
I got in front of them with my back turned to them as I summoned a shield and sword from my storage ring and barked at Kharo, "[Mana Shield], up now!" and within a second, the shield was up around us.
"What is—"
"Quiet," I cut off Eira as I tried to listen to the area around us. Then I said, "...We're not in my woods anymore."
Clap Clap Clap
"I'm surprised you noticed that so fast, brochacho," said a... being? I don't know how to explain it because its shape kept shifting by the second, and its voice sounded both unique and yet like the most basic voice ever.
But that thing was sitting at my dining room table—where I had been just moments ago.
"What do you want?" I asked it, because I couldn't feel anything from it. I couldn't smell it, hear a heartbeat, nothing. If I wasn't looking at it directly, I wouldn't even believe it was in my house. But whatever this thing was, it was powerful.
"Thanks, I know I'm powerful," it said to me—fuck, it could read— "Okay, stop calling me 'it' in your head. The readers will find that annoying."
"The hell are you talking about, readers?"
"You don't need to know. So all y'all, erase that from your minds. But anygays, call me HM and use they/them pronouns cause I ain't got no gender and I can be anything I want," HM said as they served themselves some of my bison stew into a bowl made of... something that kept changing looks but not shape.
"I'm glad you don't monologue like Gray does. That's like a third of every chapter of I Got Heals, but people like it, so I'm not complaining," HM said as they started eating. Then they added, "Damn, this tastes pretty good for someone with no powers related to food or taste."
"...Thanks," I said to them as I unsummoned my shield and sword. Then I said to Kharo, "Drop it," and he dropped the [Mana Shield] as ordered.
"W-we can trust them, Brutus..?" Ollie asked, clinging to me from behind.
"Fuck no. But if they wanted to hurt or kill us, they would've done it already," I said as I looked HM in what I assumed were their eyes.
HM gave me a toothy, wicked smile that triggered every instinct I had to run and hide. Same with Kharo, Eira, and Ollie—they all clung to me hard for protection.
"Hahaha! Damn, you guys are too easy to mess with!" HM laughed. Then they waved their hand and said, "Sit down, sit down," and suddenly we were all back in our chairs at the table.
"W-what do you want from us?" Eira asked HM.
"Oh well, my dear little bunny wabbit, I'm going to give y'all a deal you can't refuse," HM said as they transformed into a man with slicked-back shoulder-length hair, a mustache, and a suit. They touched their fingertips together like they were about to offer a contract and said, "Oh, and when I say you can't refuse, I mean you literally can't. You folks are in no position to say no."
"What's the deal?" I asked as I grabbed a wine glass and poured myself some wine—I was going to need it.
"Well, you mudblood, you might've noticed you're not where you belong. You're not in your world anymore!" they said excitedly. And... I kind of believed them—the mana here felt weird, like it had low potency.
"Where are we then?" Kharo asked, curiosity clear in his voice.
"Well, my little fox friend, you're in a world full of racist wizards!" they said as their clothes changed into a robe with a raven on it.
"HOLY SHIT, WE'RE IN HARRY POTTER!?" Kharo shouted as he jumped out of his chair.
"You mean that book and movie series made by that weird human woman who was totally racist to other races—since humans were the smartest and strongest in her story?" I asked, since I only ever watched the movies.
"Yeah, that one. But this version is slightly different. Not enough to matter," HM said, then added, "Also, I'm giving you two little gifts to make things easier."
I snapped my fingers, and Kharo calmed down. Then I asked HM, "Why are you doing this? And what gifts?"
"Entertainment."
"...What?"
"I'm doing this purely for entertainment. I want to see what a person like you does in a situation like this," they said, looking at me like I was nothing more than an ant in a farm. A look I gotten four times in my life. "Now, like I said, you don't have a choice. I'm the boss of this whole omniverse, so what I say goes. Now unball those fists, boy."
I took a deep breath to calm myself, then asked, "What are these 'gifts' you're giving us?"
They waved their hand and a bottle of white liquid appeared in front of each of us—me, Kharo, Ollie, and Eira. They reached for theirs, but I said, "Not yet," and stared at HM for an explanation.
"What's in front of you is called an Essence. There are many kinds that do different things—make you a god, a futa, give you god-slaying powers, or other random shit," HM said.
"What does this one do?" I asked, picking up the bottle and sniffing it.
"This one is called the Essence of Blank. It removes all limitations—physical, magical, racial, whatever. You'll be able to learn anything from across the omniverse. But it doesn't make you a genius; it just gives you the potential."
"But in some fanfics I've read, they don't need that kind of thing," Kharo said as he dipped his pinky into the bottle and sniffed it.
"That's because those MCs were given bodies that are basically this Essence. Each universe has its own rules and limitations. For example, someone from RWBY might not be able to use mana in a mana-based world because their body wasn't made for it," HM explained.
"I have no idea what RWBY is," I said.
"I'll explain later," Kharo said, and I nodded. Not surprised—he watches everything when he's here.
"And the second gift is a door that leads to a different world. It changes monthly. Time flows at a 3:1 ratio—three days there equals one day here," HM said, waving their hand. A door appeared on one of the living room walls, etched with symbols I actually recognized.
"What timeline are we in, and where exactly are we?" I asked.
"You're about two weeks before the third movie starts—Prisoner of Azkaban—and your house is now on the opposite side of the lake from Hogwarts. Four acres of your land came with it, and all your stuff too. Also, for Eira and Ollie, I put your belongings in one of Brutus's empty sheds. You two will be living here with Brutus and Kharo."
"Are my wards and runes still up?" I asked. Those were some serious protections—I cashed in a lot of favors for them.
"You mean the ones that form a shield capable of taking a magical nuke head-on? Yeah, they're still up."
"Sooo... should we drink this Essence now?" Kharo asked, and I sighed as I grabbed the bottle.
I saw the others grab theirs too and open them. I took a deep breath, then downed it. They followed. At first, I felt nothing. Then my body relaxed like all my stress just melted away.
"Well, now y'all are no longer limited by anything—race, world, whatever," HM said as they summoned a Dr. Pepper and sipped it. Then they said, "Oh, and you, Señor Brutus, are now the new Combat Professor for third years and above."
"And why give me that position?" I asked. Why would I want to teach a bunch of kids how to fight?
"Because it'll be hilarious to watch a skinny Harry Potter body-slam people. Or Hermione come up with battle tactics. And let's be honest—those poor kids are heading to war soon, and I doubt you'll let another group of children die under your watch."
Fucking cunt, I wanted to gut them for that last part.
They laughed—probably at what I was thinking—then said, "You can want all you want, but it ain't gonna happen, kiddo."
I grabbed the bottle of wine and took a big drink to calm my nerves before I did something I'd regret.
"Anyway, I'll leave y'all to get settled in. You, Señor Brutus, have a school plan to put together. Oh, and Eira and Ollie, the door next to the front door leads to the café I set up for y'all in Hogsmeade. Toodle-oo!" Then they disappeared.
"Well, I think this is going to be very fun!" Kharo said, and I just sighed as I stood up from my chair and headed to the kitchen to get myself a beer.
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[AN: Hello goblins, it your favorite Hispanic Daddy here with a new chapter.
Now HM is just my username HungryMexican, now the reason why I made them act like that is cause let me honest here and say that a being that is strong enough to a point where they have a whole omniverse under their control, they would not get insulted or offended by anything plus a being like that would not care about anything other than finding some entertainment in any way possible, also I feel like a being like that would not have a gender at all really.
What kind of weapon and/or fighting style each golden trio should have, give me some ideas some for it.]