River's Point of View
It's been months since Raven vanished, just up and disappeared like she never existed. The earth opened up and swallowed her whole, hiding her from me.
As I read the report given to me by my best tracker and investigator, Raven was missing. I suspect she went back to the university and to her best friend Hennessy. She said she was with her and drunk in the club. She offered to take her home but she refused saying she can manage it. But after that, she disappeared.
Yeah, I know she hated me but I still want to talk about everything to her right now. I'm prepared to accept all her hurtful words, her hatred, everything because I deserve that. I betrayed her. I chose Reina over her. And now she's gone, and I'm stuck here with nothing but silence in my head and a wolf that won't even look at me.
He hasn't spoken to me since that night. He didn't even bother to growl whenever Reina was around. He gave up, defeated because of my choice. He was there, a bit dormant and it's not a good sign especially to an Alpha like me. He gave up on me the moment I gave up on her.
Raver was my mate and we, my wolf and I used to feel her, everywhere. Our mate bond, it was a constant, and a comfort. It was like a golden thread tied to my chest that always tugged me home, towards Raven.
But now it's broken but still faint. It was still there but weak, enough for me to know that Raven was still alive.
I'll never forget that feeling, it was like someone ripped my insides out with their bare hands and left me bleeding, the day Raven left. The guilt was eating me., especially of what she saw. She saw me and Reina.
And I could try to explain. Say it was a mistake. That I wasn't thinking. That Reina caught me when I was spiraling. That's all bullshit, isn't it?
Raven was mine. She was always mine.
And I threw her away like she was nothing. Just to chase comfort in the wrong damn arms.
I don't even know what I was thinking. I tell myself maybe it was the pressure, or the loneliness, or the guilt from her being gone so much, training, healing, always trying to be something more for the pack.
None of that's a real excuse because if I was any kind of decent mate, I would've waited. I would've trusted her. I would've protected her, even from myself. Instead, I broke her. And now my wolf won't even speak my name.
I keep coming back to this spot, our spot, this overlook where she used to sit and ramble about being free, about the stars, about all the things she wanted that didn't involve pack politics or alpha drama.
She always wanted to help the pack, it was her passion.
I don't sleep. I barely eat. Everyday feels like a punishment and yeah, I know I earned it. I'd take the guilt, all of it because it was all my fault.
"Alpha?"
I blinked.
Allen was staring at me, his brow raised and his fingers tapping lightly on the folder in front of him. I hadn't even realized we were still in the meeting room. Or that I'd been staring at the same goddamn spot on the table for who knows how long.
"What?" I muttered, dragging a hand down my face.
He sighed.
"I said, Alpha Craig sent the final draft of the proposal. The one about expanding the manufacturing operations into several countries in Asia. It's all in here." He tapped the folder again. "They need a decision. You were supposed to review it days ago."
"Right. Yeah." I reached for the folder but didn't open it, just holding it in my hand like that alone was enough.
Allen didn't say anything for a second, but I could feel the judgment simmering under his usually calm expression. He knew I wasn't here. Not really.
"River," he said, voice lower now, quieter. "You've been… off." it was a tone when it was just us, the buddy duo.
I let out a breath I hadn't even realized I was holding and leaned back in the chair, staring up at the ceiling like the answer might fall from the lights.
"She's been in my head," I said finally. "Every damn day."
Allen didn't ask who. He didn't have to because he knew who it was. It was always Raven.
She'd taken up permanent residence in my brain, my wolf made sure I'll regret every damn second of my choices.
No matter what I did, meetings, training, patrols, even just walking through the damn packhouse, she was there. In the silence and in the corners of every room.
"You think she's still alive?" I asked before I could stop myself.
Allen looked caught off guard.
"Honestly?"
I nodded.
He hesitated.
"I think if she was dead, you'd know it."
"I did feel something, but faint."
"That's good news, I suppose." He leaned forward. "It means she's alive. All you have to do is find her but of course, you can't anymore. You have Reina. She won't want you anymore. If she already found someone else."
And damn, didn't that sting.
I knew she would. And it is a matter of time before the bond snaps, before someone else finds her. I felt it like a blade to the ribs.
But hearing someone say it out loud? That was a whole different kind of pain.
I opened the folder finally, pretending like I was going to read it, but the words just blurred together. Graphs. Numbers. Logistics. All meaningless. While they were talking about borders and factories, all I could think about was the last time I saw her face. The way she looked at me like I was a stranger. Like I was filth.
"I shouldn't be Alpha right now," I muttered.
Allen didn't respond immediately. "Maybe not," he said eventually. "But you are. So you either fix this, or you figure out how to live with it."
I shut the folder again.
"I can't live with it."
Allen looked at me, something flickering behind his eyes. Worry maybe. Or pity.
"Then do something."
Allen was right. If I couldn't live with it, then I had to do something.
I started pulling strings. Called in favors I hadn't touched in years. Dug into old rogue trackers, black market witches, anyone who might've had a whiff of someone like Raven passing through their territory. Nothing and no scent trails. Just dead ends.
I sent scouts through every border she might've crossed. Hired a tracker from the Bloodfang Pack, a damn psychic one, and even he came back shaking his head.
"Either she cloaked herself, or someone powerful took her," he said. "Either way, she doesn't want to be found."
Didn't want to be found.
Those words hit harder than I expected.
Because maybe I believed, deep down, that she wanted me to come after her. That she was waiting for me to fix it, to grovel, to fight for her. She didn't leave anything.
And for someone like Raven, someone who used to talk with her eyes even when she couldn't say the hard things, that silence was louder than any goodbye.
It was a damn wall.
And I was banging my head against it hoping it would open up.I stood in the war room, a map spread out in front of me, red pins marking every failed lead, every false alarm.
"She's not running," I muttered.
Allen glanced over. "What?"
"She's not running from danger." I exhaled hard. "She's hiding from me. From everything. From the bond. The pack. What we did. What I did."
Allen didn't argue. He knew I was right.
And that wrecked me more than anything.
Because even now, even after everything, I still wanted to find her. Not just to apologize, not just to explain. I wanted to see her. One last time. Even if it was just to watch her walk away.