[INT. NYC SEWER TUNNELS – NIGHT]
Wet concrete. A low murmur of rushing water. The smell? Disrespectful. Deadpool is walking backward, facing the gang, twirling a pair of katanas like a subway performer who's had too much Monster.
DEADPOOL (singing):🎵 "Well I rode out of Blackwater on a cold dark night... with a cowboy crew who might actually bite—wait, holy hell. Hold up." 🎵(Stops. Squints.)"No. Freakin'. Way."
He paces in a circle, hands dramatically to his head. Then he points at each of them like he's unboxing action figures.
DEADPOOL:"You—you've gotta be Arthur Morgan. The 'I kill but I cry in the woods' guy. Rough jawline, voice like a gravel truck, boots from 1899—yep, it's you. Dead serious."
ARTHUR (narrowing eyes):"You makin' fun of me, partner?"
DEADPOOL (gasps):"Oh my god you sound exactly like in the game! Say 'I have a plan,' c'mon. Say it!"
DUTCH (scowling):"Son, I don't know what circus spat you out, but mockin' me's a dangerous hobby."
DEADPOOL (bowing theatrically):"Ah yes, Dutch Van der LINDE!, The man, the myth, the multi-part disaster!"
JOHN (cutting in):"You wanna get knocked out or somethin'? What's your deal, clown?"
DEADPOOL:"John Marston! Mr. I'm-the-protagonist-but-not-really. How's the whole 'my wife hates me but we'll make it work on a ranch' thing going?"
JOHN (bristling):"You wanna find out how hard a man can punch with a broken past?"
DEADPOOL (to camera):"Okay, so they really don't like it when you treat their lore like Netflix trivia. Noted."
He steps to Micah, pretending to gag.
DEADPOOL:"And YOU must be the rat bastard with the face of a bootleg Billy the Kid. Micah Bell, in the flesh—God help us all."
MICAH (snarling):"You got one more smart-ass word and I'll gut you like a fish."
DEADPOOL (leans close):"Joke's on you, I regenerate."
JAKE (laughing but stepping in):"Okay okay, ease up before Arthur puts a bullet in your mask."
DEADPOOL (tilting head):"And you, my 'yippee-ki-yay broke the fourth wall' friend—you're not in the game. You're like a rogue DLC character they dropped at 3am and forgot to patch."
JAKE (smirking):"More like the player got sucked into the console during a glitch and landed inside the game world. I explained everything to them—storylines, endings, who dies, who betrays. We went full meta."
DEADPOOL (mouth agape):"You isekai'd into Red Dead Redemption 2?!"(Whispers to himself)"God, I wish that were me."
ARTHUR (low):"Still don't trust him."
JOHN:"Or understand what he just said."
DEADPOOL (grinning wide):"Ohhh this is better than that time I crashed a Fast & Furious movie and Vin Diesel cried."
They walk in silence for a moment as Deadpool hums the RDR2 soundtrack.
[INT. MAYOR'S OFFICE – NIGHT]
A richly adorned office in Fisk Tower. The skyline glows beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows. The air is thick. The TV blares with a breaking news chyron:
TV ANCHOR (V.O.):"—suspects in full cowboy gear seen fleeing in a pickup truck, confirmed shots fired, one police cruiser exploded—wait, yes, we have confirmation of fatalities..."
Cut to: a close-up of a man watching. Bald, massive. Imposing. The suit alone could command nations. Wilson Fisk. Mayor of New York City. Leaning forward, fingers steepled, face carved from stone.
FISK (calmly):"This city will not be taken hostage by lawless clowns..."
His aide enters, clearly shaken.
AIDE:"Sir... they—uh—they think the shooters might be... vigilantes. Or something stranger."
FISK (growling):"Vigilantes? I've dealt with those before."
He stands, walks to the screen as footage of the chaos loops. Deadpool's red blur flickers between camera frames.
FISK:"Find out who they are. And if one of them's wearing a mask... I want him first."