Introduction
The Modern-Day Drift
We live in a world where time feels like a luxury. Parents are constantly juggling between career, commitments, and social pressures, often trying to give their children everything, except the one thing that matters most: their presence. In the rush to provide, many lose sight of what it means to simply be there. But children don't spell love as "M-O-N-E-Y"; they spell love as T-I-M-E.
Presence is more than physical nearness. It is the emotional and psychological availability that assures a child: You matter. I see you. I hear you. I am with you. A parent can be in the same room as a child and still be absent, distracted by work emails, lost in thought, or glued to a phone screen. But when a child feels truly seen and heard, they begin to flourish like a well-watered plant.
Section One: What Presence Really MeansPresence is about quality, not just quantity. You may not have hours of free time every day, but if your child feels deeply connected with you during the moments you share, those few minutes become sacred.
There's a story of an Igbo mother who worked tirelessly selling goods in the local market. Her days were long and exhausting, but every night, before her children slept, she would sit with them under the moonlight, telling them folktales, listening to their worries, and praying with them. She didn't have much money, but her children grew up feeling rich in love. That is the power of presence.
In the African tradition, the evening fire was more than just warmth, it was a circle of communion. Fathers shared hunting stories. Mothers gave life advice through proverbs. Children learned through these interactions that their thoughts mattered, that they belonged. That legacy still speaks to us today.
Section Two:Emotional Security Starts with Presence
Many behavioral issues in children stem not from rebellion, but from a silent cry for connection. When a child throws tantrums or withdraws emotionally, they may not be asking for attention, they're asking for connection. Being present gives your child the emotional safety net to express, explore, and evolve.
"When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind." African Proverb
When parents are emotionally present, they become a steady root. The world may buffet the child with peer pressure, social confusion, or failures, but the child remains grounded. This kind of emotional security helps them face life with confidence.
Being emotionally present means:
Listening without judgment
Validating your child's emotions
Making eye contact during conversations
Being mindful of your tone
Avoiding distraction (putting the phone down)
Section Three: The Role of Fathers in Being Present
In many traditional African homes, parenting is viewed as the mother's responsibility. The father is often seen as the provider, disciplinarian, or distant authority figure. But research, and cultural wisdom, both tell us that the presence of a father plays a profound role in a child's psychological and emotional well-being.
The Igbo proverb "Nna bu isi ulo" (The father is the head of the home) was never meant to suggest detachment. Instead, it calls fathers into a position of spiritual, emotional, and moral leadership. Fathers must show up, not just pay bills.
When fathers are emotionally present:
Boys learn how to be responsible, respectful men.
Girls learn what healthy male respect and protection look like.
Children of both genders develop higher self-esteem and better social adjustment.
A simple routine like morning devotion, walking your child to school, or weekly one-on-one time can go a long way in bridging emotional gaps.
Section Four:Overcoming the Barriers to Being Present
Many parents want to be present but feel overwhelmed by real-life challenges. These include:
Work demands: Long hours, commutes, and stress.
Technology distractions: Social media, phones, and screens.
Mental exhaustion: Anxiety, depression, burnout.
Generational conditioning: "My parents never played with me, and I turned out fine."
Let's be honest: parenting is hard work. But healing begins with awareness. If we understand the cost of absence, we will begin to fight for presence.
Tips for overcoming these barriers:
Schedule "child time" like an appointment, non-negotiable.
Be intentional with small moments: even a five-minute conversation before bedtime.
Put devices away during meals and family time.
Do mental check-ins with yourself: "Am I really present, or am I drifting?"
Your child doesn't need a perfect parent. They need a present parent.
Section Five: The Long-Term Impact of Present Parenting
Research shows that children with emotionally present parents are more likely to:
Develop stronger emotional regulation skills.
Build healthier relationships.
Perform better academically.
Avoid risky behaviors.
Have higher levels of resilience and self-esteem.
But beyond statistics, there's something deeper. Children who grow up in emotionally available homes often become adults who build emotionally healthy communities. They don't just survive life, they live fully. They know how to connect, how to trust, how to give, and how to love.
"A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth."
African Proverb
Presence is the embrace. It is what prevents the burning.
Section Six: Personal Reflection: My Grandmother's Presence
I (James Rita) was raised by a woman who never wrote a parenting manual but lived out a parenting miracle. My grandmother, Theresa Ezema, didn't have all the conveniences of modern motherhood. No internet, no parenting blogs, no sophisticated toys. But she had something rare: the gift of being present.
She would look me in the eye and ask, "How is your heart?" She knew when I was troubled, even when I hadn't spoken. Her presence taught me that love is not about what you give, but how you show up. Whether it was while cooking, praying, or walking to the farm, she made me feel that I mattered. That presence shaped my confidence, my empathy, and ultimately, the woman I'm becoming.
Section Seven:
Practical Steps to Cultivate Presence
Presence can be cultivated with conscious effort. Here are practical, culturally sensitive ways to apply presence in parenting:
Daily Check-Ins: Ask your child how their day was, emotionally and not just academically.
Shared Activities: Cook together, clean together, or walk together. Presence is often built in the ordinary.
Bedtime Rituals: End each day with a story, a song, or a prayer.
Use African Storytelling: Teach life lessons through folk tales, parables, and proverbs.
Listen More Than You Speak: Sometimes, a listening ear is more powerful than a hundred lectures.
Create Safe Spaces: Let your child feel safe expressing both joy and pain.
Presence is not a single act. It's a lifestyle. It's the pattern of consistently showing up, even when you're tired, even when you don't have the answers.
Section Eight: A Culturally Grounded Presence
As Africans, we come from a communal culture. Parenting was never meant to be done in isolation. In the traditional village setup, uncles, aunties, neighbors, and elders were all part of the parenting process. Today, that community may be eroding, but the values still live.
You can be present by:
Involving extended family in positive ways.
Encouraging cultural rites of passage and storytelling.
Letting your child spend time with elders who model character and wisdom.
We must not lose the beauty of "it takes a village to raise a child". But that village must first be present.
Conclusion: The Ministry of Presence
In the end, presence is not just a parenting strategy; it is a ministry. It is the sacred task of bearing witness to your child's journey and standing beside them with your heart open. You don't need to know all the answers. You just need to be there.
Your time, your attention, your love, it matters.
"Omenka si na ihe na-eme nwa bu ihe na-eme uwa."
(What happens to a child is what happens to the world.)
If we raise children in love, presence, and intentionality, we raise nations in strength, peace, and hope. Let your presence be your greatest legacy.