I just want to deny that she might be non existent her consciousness may not exist anymore well that's the fact that scares me it scares the shit out of me I think I'm stable and calm rn beacuse I think she exist somewhere and is probably watching over me watching over what I do and what I don't but since I am truly not sure about it.. it's for keeping me stable honestly those stories help me feel closer to hell and less distant actually...if she's actually watching over me I can't do few things
Like love another girl fuck another girl or uk just a sexual contact but I wanna enjoy my life and get the basic experiences before I die but I feel like I will betray her by doing that so I actually don't know if she exist or not cutie honestly but do I wanna look deeper into it? Well what if I found out she doesn't exist will I be able to accept the fact will I be able to accept that she was just a beutiful memory and nothing more??
No I wouldn't be able to do that hmmmm
So what should I do???
Probably go with flow and see what happens uk
But Is universe really that fucking simple???can all it be just a fucking coincidence no I don't think so
So I have decided I'm gonna go with flow and cut the edges and see what happens