"Bro, we're *literally* twins! This 'Supreme Bone' better not ghost me like my ex!"
Qin Feng's face twisted like a pretzel dipped in liquid nitrogen. Sweat cascaded down his forehead as he stabbed himself with a sword—again. Why? Because *apparently*, surviving in this world required more drama than a reality TV show. If he wanted to keep his title as the "King of Shenanigans," pain was just… Tuesday.
"Are you *insane*?!" Zi Yuan screeched, sprinting toward him like a mom who'd just caught her kid microwaving a fork. "Normal people don't go full shish kebab on themselves! Are you part pincushion?!"
But before she could even whip out a bandage, Qin Feng's wound began stitching itself like it had a PhD in knitting. Ten minutes later? Smooth skin. No scar. Just vibes.
"What *are* you?!" Zi Yuan's jaw dropped so hard it nearly cracked the floor. "A demigod? A mutant cockroach?! Who heals faster than my patience evaporates?!"
Qin Feng rolled his eyes so hard he almost saw his brain. "Relax, Karen. It's just the *Thirty-Three Heavens Makeover Manual*—third edition. I'm basically Wolverine's weird cousin now. Can regrow a finger, but not my dignity. Thanks for asking."
Zi Yuan stared. This eight-year-old had more plot armor than a Marvel hero. Super strength? Check. A sword move named *Sky-Splitting Slash*? Check. A pet dragon? Wait, no—*he was the dragon*. And now, rapid healing? The universe had clearly given up balancing his character sheet.
Meanwhile, in Zi Yuan's head: *Note to self—never play poker with this kid. He'd probably bluff with a royal flush… of lightning bolts.*
---
**Later, Deep in the Forest…**
The duo stumbled upon a swirling black vortex on a cliffside—think "portal to Narnia" but edgier.
"An ancient ruin!" Zi Yuan gasped, eyes sparkling like a kid in a candy store… that also sold swords. "Let's go! I'll grab the loot; you stab the monsters!"
Qin Feng yawned. "Nah. Let the arrows fly for a bit."
"What arrows?!" Zi Yuan flapped her arms like an angry goose. "There's *treasure* in there! Gold! Magic! Probably a Starbucks!"
"And also traps. And monsters. And Lin San," Qin Feng said, plopping down to meditate. "Rule #1 of Cultivation Club: Never rush into a dungeon before the main character triggers all the plot devices. Let him clear the mobs first. We'll swoop in like seagulls at a beach picnic."
Zi Yuan blinked. "That's… oddly strategic. And lazy. Mostly lazy."
---
**Inside the Ruins: Lin San's 'Chill' Adventure**
Lin San tiptoed through dark corridors, his sword glowing like a rave flashlight. The map in his hand was basically Google Maps for ancient death traps.
*Left. Dodge the poison spikes. Right. Avoid the soul-sucking statues.*
Behind him, screams echoed as威虎帮 (Tiger Gang) goons face-planted into every hazard. One guy tripped a wire and got yeeted into a wall by a giant hammer.
Lin San smirked. "Thanks for the beta testing, idiots."
His prize? A glowing jade tablet at the ruin's heart. But as he reached for it—
**CRACK!**
A shadow loomed. A rumbling growl shook the room.
"Ah," Lin San sighed. "The obligatory boss fight. *Fantastic*."
---
**Outside: Snack Time with Chaos**
Back at camp, Zi Yuan's stomach growled louder than the ruin's monsters.
"I'm starving!" she whined, flopping onto the grass. "Do you have, like, magic beef jerky? Or… another chicken?"
Qin Feng, mid-meditation, tossed her a dried plum. "Here. It's vegan, gluten-free, and emotionally unsatisfying."
"Wow. Thanks," Zi Yuan deadpanned. "I'll savor every… depressing bite."
Suddenly, Qin Feng's aura exploded. Energy waves rippled out, flattening nearby bushes.
"Did you just… *level up*?!" Zi Yuan choked. "Again?! You're worse than a TikTok trend!"
"Supreme Bone upgrade: unlocked," Qin Feng grinned. "Now I can shoot lasers… probably."
Zi Yuan facepalmed. "Of *course* you can. Next, you'll grow wings and start quoting Nietzsche."
---
**Meanwhile, the Tiger Gang Arrives (Fashionably Late)**
*THUD. THUD. THUD.*
500 gang members surrounded them, weapons gleaming. Their leader, a hulking man with a scar shaped like Wisconsin, snarled, "Hand over the ruin key, brats!"
Zi Yuan gulped. "Uh… Plan?"
Qin Feng cracked his knuckles. "Plan A: Kick their butts. Plan B: Steal their lunch money. Plan C: Blame Lin San."
"Typical," Zi Yuan muttered, unsheathing her sword. "Just don't die. I'm not carrying your corpse back."
"Relax," Qin Feng winked. "I've got *healing*. And *drama*."
As the gang charged, Qin Feng's eyes flashed—twin pools of chaos. Time slowed. Every movement decomposed into laughable slo-mo.
*Ah, the perks of Overpowered Protagonist Syndrome.*
---
**To Be Continued…**
*Next time: Laser eyes! Unnecessary explosions! And Lin San's dubious life choices!*