Chapter 13
* Fears and Secrets*
I watched Alpha Morgan leave the room where he gave me the night,as he shot the door behind himself with full force, I felt fear creeping in me. I know he was right, I knew I can't stand one rogue nor speaking about all the rogues even with my wolf-less being! I wonder how I will do this now.
I dragged my icy fingers as I kept it wrapping around my heart like a vice.
The room seemed to shrink with fear of the unknown to me, it was all suffocating me with the weight of my decisions which I just took before Alpha Morgan or could I say I let pride made me decide so?. Why had I let pride cloud my judgment? His concerns were valid and it was clear he wanted to help me out, yes, he wanted to but I couldn't afford to show weakness before him,the weight of the two options which his beta wolf set before me are critical to deal with . I wished I could have the confidence to tell him I had changed my mind but then the pride again, the imagination of watching myself plead with him that I have reconsidered my actions. How could he feel? Take me for granted? Not now.
The memory of his intense gaze lingered in my eyes, I could see how he tried so much to make me change my mind , making my skin prickle. Had I misjudged him? Was he genuinely concerned, or did he have ulterior motives?
Memories I'd rather forget resurfaced, like a festering wound that refused to heal, if Alexander had never done this to me, it clear I wouldn't have come across Alpha Alex's rejection. His disgust when he discovered my secret still seared my mind. The pain lingered, a constant reminder of my vulnerability. His words echoed in my mind: "You're wolf less, Vanessa. You'll never be a true member of this pack." The sting of rejection still burned, fueling my determination to keep my secret hidden.
My thoughts drifted to Mira, my sister, and Ariel, my best friend. They were the only ones who knew my truth, and I'd sworn them to secrecy, desperate to protect myself from the world. Their faces swam in my memory, their concerned expressions etched in my mind. "Vanessa, you're not alone," Mira had said, her voice trembling. "We'll always stand by you." Ariel's words still resonate: "You're more than your wolf, Vanessa. You're strong, capable, and loved." Their words were my lifeline, the reason I kept going.
But the fear lingered in me, I felt a constant companion in me. Wolf less. The word echoed in my mind, leaving behind my heart a cruel reminder of my inadequacy to shift and the man who caused why my mother hated me so much.
No pack would accept me, no Alpha would want me. I was a liability, a target for rogues and power-hungry Alphas. The thought sent a shiver down my spine. What if Alpha Morgan discovered the truth? Would he reject me, too?
Panic set in on me, as what my heart was racing like a wild animal which was running for his dear life. I had to leave, tomorrow, before he uncovered my secret, it's better I died with my secret buried with me. I couldn't risk being rejected again, being vulnerable again. The thought of facing the unknown alone terrified me, but I had no choice. I'd survive on my own, no matter the cost. My pack, my family, had rejected me; I wouldn't give anyone else the chance to do the same.
As I made to stand up from the bed, my hands trembled,I was still weak or could it be because of the Fear of what I'm about to overcome? I had Fear and determination as it warred within me. I'd face whatever lay ahead, alone,even if it means me . The weight of my secrets threatened to crush me, but I stood tall, shoulders squared. Tomorrow, I'd walk away from Alpha Morgan's pack, from the safety and security they offered. Tomorrow, I'd start anew.
A soft knock on the door broke the silence, making me jump. "Vanessa?" Ryder's voice was gentle, a soothing balm to my frazzled nerves. "Alpha Morgan has assigned me to escort you to the border tomorrow, so that no rogues may attack you on your way."
I nodded, though he couldn't see me. "Thank you, Ryder but then I don't need you to protect me,I will protect myself." My voice was barely audible, but he seemed to understand.
" You can't protect yourself Vanessa, I don't know why you feel you don't need anyone's help but then it's the Alpha command so I'll be outside your door at dawn," he said. "Be ready."
His footsteps faded, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Tomorrow, I'd face the unknown, alone. And pray that my secrets remain hidden.
Should I refuse the offer or will I just swallow my pride and get the assistant I needed or could I let my pride take the bad part of me?
I don't know why Alpha Morgan cared so much about me but then I just don't want anything to pull us together, I couldn't risk telling him I'm wolf less! No, I can't trend that again.
As night fell, while laying on the bed, my anxiety grew higher as the imagination of how the rogues could attack me flew up in my head,I vividly recalled how I was attacked before Alpha Morgan saved me.
I felt I have suddenly become stubborn or would I say after the hatred I developed on What lay ahead? Would I find safety, or would the rogues find me first? The questions swirled, refusing to let me sleep.
Laying my head down,an idea flashes through me, suddenly I sit up in the bed with my index finger placed on my lower lip. I have gotten an idea on how to deal with this mess tomorrow!