Dying once was unfortunate.
Dying twice? That's just plain careless.
The first time I died, it was in my so-called first life. Born in a modern world, I had it all—money, a luxurious car that practically purred when it moved, a gorgeous wife who made grown men cry with envy, and two kids who were somehow not annoying little goblins (a true miracle). Life was good... until one rainy night, a truck decided to play GTA with my car. Boom. Instant noodles.
Then came the reincarnation. Life number two. Another shot. Another world. Another grind.
And grind I did.
I worked hard, studied like a maniac, got rich all over again. Married another stunning woman—equally terrifying in arguments—and had two more kids. I even started a business empire before... Yup. Car crash. Again.
Note to self: Never trust luxury vehicles in rainy weather.
And now? Welcome to Round Three.
This time, I woke up in the body of a six-year-old kid with a suspiciously large forehead, lying inside a bamboo basket like a cheap version of Moses. Except there was no river, just a muddy ditch and a couple of confused goats staring at me like I owed them money.
Turns out, this world is a straight-up cultivation realm—spiritual beasts, ancient sects, flying swords, exploding mountains—you name it. It's every nerd's dream. Except…
I can't absorb chakra.
Yep. Born in a world where chakra is life, and I'm a literal dry sponge. My "spiritual roots" were apparently so bad, my parents dropped me off at birth like a bad stock investment. Raised in the outskirts of the Firecloud Region by a half-sober, half-crazy drunk who called himself "Master," though most villagers just called him Old Wine Barrel.
Now don't get me wrong—he did try to teach me. In between hangovers and hiccups.
"Strike the air like you're slapping taxes off it, boy!"
"Balance your chi! And by chi, I mean the wine in this cup."
"If you can't fly, fall with style."
Needless to say, my training results were… mixed.
But I'm not just any orphan with no chakra. You see, this time, I came back with memories of both my past lives. And believe me, if there's one thing two lifetimes of failures teach you, it's this:
Avoid trucks and trust no cats.
I spent my days dodging wild beasts, doing weird postures under waterfalls, and trying to punch trees to "feel the flow" (I mostly felt pain). Still, I never gave up. Something deep inside me whispered that I was meant for something greater.
Or maybe that was just Old Wine Barrel's leftover soup.
But just when I was about to accept a life of mediocrity and tree-punching…
[Ding!]
A sound echoed in my head like a divine bell made of pure sarcasm.
"Tutorial System Activated."
…
Wait, what?
Tutorial?
TUTORIAL?!
I reincarnated twice for this?! Where's my Ultimate God-Slaying Cheat System™? Where's my Infinite Sword Library™? Why am I stuck with the beta version of a power-up?! What am I supposed to do now—watch an ad to skip cooldowns?
The message flashed again, now with an overly polite voice:
"Hello, Host. Due to your embarrassing tendency to die like a noob, you have been granted the TUTORIAL SYSTEM. Please survive the tutorial. Or don't. Your past record says otherwise."
…
God is watching. And He's clearly roasting me.