"On your marks, get set…" – With the sound of the shot, everyone on the track begins to run with all their might. From the stands, the sound of the crowd is deafening, full of cheers and words of encouragement for their favorites while the spectators follow every inch of our bodies moving like arrows cutting through the air.
On my face I can feel the rush of the wind, the rays of the sun reflecting on my sweaty skin, and in my chest my heart beats like the gallop of a steed on green meadows in complete freedom.
For a runner, that sensation is a delight; it's our stimulant drug that comes with the euphoric feeling of achievement when we cross the finish line.
- "Jinta-kun, you can do it!" – My name is Tanaka Jinta, an 18-year-old senior in high school who has received a track and field scholarship to one of the most prestigious universities in the country. The girl yelling my name from the sidelines, holding a camera on a tripod, is Matsumoto Hana, my girlfriend. Next to her, a plump girl with a shy expression holds a sign with an encouraging message for me.
We met just three years ago when we were looking for our names on the school's admissions list. It was a matter of fate that I bumped into her younger sister Mariko, who had gotten lost and was nervously searching for Hana.
That plump girl with glasses and her hair tied back in a braid was lying on the ground due to our collision, rubbing her hip with a slight expression of annoyance.
- "I'm so sorry, my sister is usually very clumsy" – Bowing hastily, Hana raised her beautiful face making eye contact with me, causing my heart to jump slightly as I stupidly began to stutter.
- "Pffff, you're cute" – Covering her mouth with her hand while letting out a light playful laugh, Hana's gesture caused my face to blush, making me draw a nervous smile on my lips.
- "Excuse me, could you leave the flirting for later and help me up?" – Quickly changing the focus of my attention, I embarrassedly reached out for Mariko's fleshy hand, who was frowning as if she disapproved of my behavior.
"Did you pass too?" Hana leaned closer to me, her face unconcerned about the distance. She had the purest and most tender expression I'd ever seen. It was at that moment that I realized I'd fallen in love at first sight.
From that day on, we grew closer. Fortunately, we were in the same class our freshman year, making it easier for me to be around her and start chatting about both trivial things and our most important dreams. On the one hand, Hana's childhood dream was to become a world-renowned photographer, and my greatest wish was to become an Olympic track and field representative for Japan.
Dreams that were too big, perhaps illusory for many people, but for us, those seeds planted in our hearts were the driving force that gave our lives meaning. Hana's mother was a widowed woman who remarried her boss, a man who had been divorced for five years and had a daughter from his previous marriage.
Entering into that change of pace, Mariko, who had been a girl of bright character, became withdrawn and was reluctant to accept Hana's mother as her new mother and consequently, the relationship between the two sisters was too tense to the point that Hana did not feel comfortable with her.
Even though Mariko tried to make an effort to get closer to Hana despite not accepting her new stepmother, Hana's heart resented her for feeling that she looked down on her mother.
With that complicated relationship, I made every effort to listen to her and give her my full support as a friend, going out with her to various places to take photographs on the weekends and accompanying me to my athletics club practices.
One winter of our first year, on a snowy Christmas Eve, I gathered my courage in front of a Christmas tree and let the deepest feelings of my heart flow as I held out my hands with a small gift box. For a brief moment, a brief silence preceded my words as I remained in a reverent position. At that moment, I felt my body trembling, and I didn't have the courage to look up to see the expression on his face.
- "Jinta-Kun, how long are you going to make me wait?" – With a honeyed tone of voice, Hana took my face with her cold hands, bringing me out of my trance, making our eyes meet and I could finally see that affectionate expression on her face. Her cheeks were flushed and a pair of flirtatious dimples appeared at the corners of her smile, while she lightly bit her lip, flirting with me, while she pulled at my scarf to kiss me on the cheek.
From that day on, I swore to myself that I would be a man worthy of her and make her happy, that I would give everything I had to help her achieve her childhood dream no matter what it took. Working part-time at a convenience store in the evenings and helping out at my uncle's bakery at night, I saved up my salary to finance her own photography studio in the future. It was an exhausting sacrifice balancing my time between school, internships, and work, but just seeing the smile on her face made all those hardships worth it.
Even though we spent a few hours together on weekends, she didn't hold it against me at all. Instead, she affectionately encouraged me, unaware of the surprise I had in store for her when we graduated.
"Woaaaah!" The shouts in the stands grew louder as we approached the final stretch of the 400 meters. My calves felt a little tight, but I ignored them. Instead, I used the last burst of momentum to lengthen my stride in order to gain more time on the runner chasing me in second place. There was only one meter left, just a few thousandths of a second until I'd beat my own track record. Suddenly, a stabbing pain in my right abdomen nearly made me fall off the track.
"Don't even think about it." Gritting my teeth to contain the pain, I threw my chest against the bar and crossed the finish line, beating my competitors. I stopped dead in my tracks just a few steps away, clutching my stomach, and collapsed to the ground, screaming in pain.
Soon the cheers in the stands ceased completely, and the linesmen immediately called the health committee officers, who were ready with a stretcher in case of any accidents.
- "Jinta-kun, Jinta, answer me" – My vision was blurred due to the tears of pain and my ears were ringing making it impossible for me to properly recognize the voice that was shouting my name in a worried manner.
- "Hana-chan?"
- "Don't talk, Jinta. Hold your breath. The teachers are going to take you to the infirmary. I'm here with you." After an orderly placed a wet towel over my forehead and part of my eyes, I felt a light touch from a warm, familiar hand.
- "Mariko?" – As soon as I said her name, my consciousness faded completely and I was plunged into complete darkness.
- "Mmmmm, what a stoic boy. You remind me so much of an impertinent brat I met a long time ago during the Sengoku period. He had great potential and was so daring that I couldn't help but fall in love with him. What was his name? Nobunaga? Honestly, I don't remember it well anymore; I think my memory has faded over the years." – A very mature and seductive female voice whispered in my ear as I felt the touch of a pair of cold hands running over my cheeks with impure intentions.
Everything was dark, I couldn't move even an inch. It was as if I was completely bound by a thick veil that at times made me anxious.
"Who are you? Where am I?" Even though I tried to open my lips, the words wouldn't come out; however, that mysterious voice responded to my pleas and brought its lips close to my ear.
- "Who am I? I could say that contrary to the beginning, I am the end. Where are you? Technically, everywhere and nowhere. And before you ask, no, you're not dead. At least not yet. However, your lifespan has already been cut short, and you don't have much more than a year."
- "My life is going to end in a year? That's absurd, it's nonsense! I have a whole life ahead of me. I'm going to be selected as an Olympic representative for athletics; I'm going to get married and live happily with Hina. She'll be a great photographer, and she'll be there with her camera when I win the gold medal." Faced with my defiant attitude, that voice could barely contain its laughter and burst out laughing in an almost ruthless manner, causing my mind to drown in a sea of despair.
"Forgive me for laughing. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, brave young man. It's just that in all these years I've been watching over humans, it makes no difference when they face the fact that they're going to die. An Olympic medal? A life with your first love? I'm sorry to say those dreams are beautiful, but they're nothing more than that. Simple dreams that can never come true. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but someone has to do that dirty work." The mysterious woman's tone of voice turned melancholic as she spoke those words, while the cold touch of her hands became warm and comforting as they passed over my eyes.
- "Yes, there's no doubt about it. You remind me so much of him. When I had to cut short his life and held his dying body, I couldn't help but hug him and lament that he didn't fulfill his dreams to the fullest." – The sensation of warm lips settled on my forehead in the form of a gentle kiss, while a hand caressed my head resting on a firm lap.
- "Our brief time for small talk is over. These kinds of meetings aren't common, so be grateful. I don't usually show up for just anyone before their scheduled time."
- "You never answered who you were" – Challenging that mysterious voice one last time, I asked that question and the answer made my spirit shudder to the point of a cold and ominous sensation.
- "I am a shinigami, my name is Mu Roa and in a year I will return for you, sweetheart" – As if a strong wind was pushing me, consciousness returned to my body causing me to get up sweating and breathing heavily on the stretcher in the school infirmary.
- "Tanaka-san, please stay calm and lie down. We've already called an ambulance and they're on their way." – The school nurse's voice brought me back to my senses and, as if I were a robot following commands, I laid my head back on the pillow, bringing my arm up to my face to cover my eyes, while I struggled to keep my breathing under control at the sudden encounter with that entity and its heavy words that pierced my heart.
- "I've given you a painkiller for now, but you need to see a doctor immediately. I've called your mother, but I can't reach her." – After my father died when I was five, my mother gradually began to distance herself from me. She was a full-time homemaker, always selflessly attending to my father's needs and my education. But one night when I developed a severe fever, my father drove my mother and me to the hospital, but a drunk driver ran a red light and hit the driver's side of the car.
There was nothing that could be done for my father; he died almost instantly due to the force of the impact. My mother and I were treated for minor injuries and left the hospital a few days later. With no time to grieve, my mother, with the help of my uncle, made all the funeral arrangements, and we said goodbye to my father almost completely alone.
After being widowed with a young son, my mother had to work full-time, leaving me in the care of my uncle while she went to work at an electronics factory located two prefectures away.
She never failed to cover my expenses and needs, but somehow, I think she held a grudge against me. If my father hadn't gone out that night, I'd probably still be alive, and we'd be a complete family. That gnawing guilt was the main driver of my desire to be an Olympic representative.
Maybe if I were in a place where no one could avoid seeing me, my mother would turn her gaze toward me once more, make her proud, and give transcendental meaning to my father's sacrifice. Every time I ran, I felt like I was leaving my regrets behind, and with each stride that brought me closer to the finish line, my hope grew ever more.
"Jinta-kun, are you okay?" A shaky voice came from the other side of the curtain. The light passing through the window reflected that voluminous silhouette, which was impossible not to recognize. It was Mariko, who with a slight whimper opened the curtain and revealed herself, her face soaked in tears.
She wore a blouse with a print of cartoonish teddy bears from a popular children's television series, and her hair was tied back in a ponytail, making her features appear rounder. Her face was just as beautiful as Hana's, but her excess weight prevented her features from showing off their fullness. She used to be very thin, so much so that her father used to worry that she might be ill. After her parents' divorce due to her mother's infidelity, she suffered a severe psychological blow that caused her to fall into a depression that led her to compulsive eating.
When I was in my second year of high school and had been dating Hana for a few months, Mariko had entered her first year at the same school as us. But unlike Hana and me, her withdrawn nature made it difficult for her to interact with other students, and she was a target of bullying because of her condition.
At first, it all started with a lost pen or her indoor slippers hidden in another locker. But little by little, the bullying escalated because she didn't fight back, escalating from filling her locker with empty junk food wrappers to writing hurtful messages on her desk.
By the time Hana found out and told me about the situation, I was overcome with anger and went straight to the living room where Mariko was. When I arrived and opened the door, I saw a helpless girl crying sitting on the floor while a good-looking guy dropped the contents of a bag of chips on her while exclaiming, "Come on, pig, eat!"
Unable to contain my anger, I lunged at him and punched him square in the face, sending him slamming into the desks behind him.
"Leave her alone, you damn bastard!" Throwing punch after punch, the other students had to restrain me from continuing to attack the boy. A few minutes later, the homeroom teacher took Mariko and the two of us to the principal.
That day, I was on the verge of being expelled. My heart felt heavy at the thought of my school life ending and my dream of becoming a high-performance athlete being cut short. But remembering everything Mariko had suffered at the hands of that jerk and the other perpetrators, I thought to myself that it was something I had to do, no matter the consequences.
- "Jinta-kun isn't violent. He was just defending me, Principal." – That girl who had for months kept her voice low in the face of bullying, enduring everything they did to her, opened her lips in a sea of tears and began to recount all the atrocities that that wretch and his henchmen had done to her.
The principal's stern gaze, which had been directed at me just a few seconds ago, shifted to the man on my right, who was trying to excuse all his nonsense under the pretext that it was just student banter.
Hearing the jerk's babble, the principal couldn't contain his anger and slammed his fist on the desk and began to reprimand him firmly. He made the boy swallow his words as the office phone rang.
After receiving that call, the principal exhaled sharply and bowed his head, lightly tapping his fingertips on the desk. Then, with his right hand, he stroked his bald head and once again raised his stern gaze in the direction of the three of us. He told us he would meet with our tutors to discuss the terms of the actions to be taken.
As I walked out the office door, that jerk bumped his shoulder into mine and gave me a piercing look without saying a word, before disappearing into the distance down the hallway to the second-floor restroom.
"Jinta-kun, thank you." Mariko looked away, holding my sleeve, her left hand against her chest, her face slightly flushed. A tangled piece of fried food remained in her hair, and I gently brushed it away, bringing the snack to my mouth.
"What an idiot, he doesn't even have good taste in snacks." Hearing me make that joke, Mariko let out a slight laugh of relief as she thanked me again for saving her from the bullying. A few days later, I learned that the jerk had transferred schools, and the kids who went along with the bullying had been suspended for two weeks.
After that incident, my relationship with Mariko changed from simple acquaintances to good friends. She used to frequent my uncle's bakery in the evenings, and we would spend a few minutes chatting about TV series and manga. Thanks to that, Mariko's introverted nature improved, and with a little effort, she managed to make a few friends at school.
"Jinta-kun?" Taking my hand, Mariko brought me back from my brief trip down memory lane to the present. Her glasses were fogged with light steam from her tears, and her lips were still trembling. Her hands, which had usually been warm, were so cold from the anxiety attack.
- "Don't worry, Mariko-chan, I'm fine. It was just a slight pain, nothing to be scared of."
- "How can you say that? You, you idiot Jinta. No matter how much I yelled at you, you didn't react, and your body was as cold as ice. For a moment, I thought you were dead, and I didn't know what to do." Seeing Mariko's body shudder, I couldn't help but want to hug her to calm her down.
- "Please don't scare me like that again."
- "It's okay, Mariko. Everything's fine. If you want, you can come with me and Hana to the hospital so you can feel better." Looking around for my girlfriend, I realized there was no one else in the infirmary except for the two of us.
- "Mariko, did Hana go with the nurse to get the ambulance?"
- "Sorry, Jinta, just before you finished your degree, my sister got a call from the agency and had to leave immediately. It seems one of the photo shoots got pushed forward, and she had to rush out." – At the beginning of our third year of high school, Hana had received a job offer from a local modeling agency as a camera assistant.
After winning a photography contest organized by the agency, she was offered a job opportunity based on her talent and received a scholarship to a university of her choice. Because of this, she had to adjust her schedule between school and the agency to balance her duties.
Since I was in a similar situation, we didn't see much change in the direction of our relationship, except for moments like this. I was aware of the effort she was putting into achieving her dreams, so I didn't dare say anything that might affect our feelings. These are just stages, I kept telling myself.
- "I'm sorry, Jinta-kun."
- "It's okay, Mariko-chan." – She lowered her head and shook it slightly as if she were denying something.
- "Yes, you're right, Jinta. We'd better go to the hospital." With a slightly forced smile, Mariko's expression revealed a hint of pain that for a moment I mistook for her concern about my accident on the track.
After arriving at the hospital, my uncle was already waiting for us with the on-call doctor, and soon the orderlies took me to undergo a CT scan of my head and abdomen. After a long session in the MRI machine, the orderlies took me to a room and laid me down on the bed for a catheterization.
"Jinta, kid. How are you feeling?" Standing beside my bed, my uncle had a worried expression on his face that he could barely hide. Ever since I was a little boy, he had been like a father to me, driving me to school and attending parent-teacher conferences. I never felt alone even once, thanks to that man's serene demeanor and kind demeanor.
"It's just a slight stomach ache, uncle. Nothing you need to worry about." Smiling calmly, I took my uncle's hand and held his gaze to reassure him. It was ridiculous. I was supposed to be the one who needed someone to give me confidence, but it was the other way around. But it was okay. If I could do that small gesture for the man who always looked out for me, it was the least I could do.
"Mr. Tanaka Makoto, please come with me for a moment." A nurse stood at the entrance to the room and called my uncle to take him to the on-call doctor's office. She left me alone with Marika, who sat next to me holding her small, handmade bag.
- "I see you still have that peculiar bag."
- "Don't make fun of my silly Jinta. This is my best work." – When the bullying stopped, Marika decided to join the crafts club and became interested in creating accessories and handmade items. That bag was made from scraps of quilt fabric with a curious hand-embroidered cat in the center. The first time I saw it, I told her it was a cute bear just to tease her, and from that day on, it became her most prized possession.
"Hey, Jinta-kun. How are the children at the orphanage?" As part of my job at my uncle's bakery, we often visit an orphanage near the shop. We regularly take them leftover bread that wasn't sold that day, and on special occasions like Obon or Golden Week, we'd bring my uncle's specialty bread, chicken curry-stuffed bread. The children were always happy when we went, and I played with them for a while.
On some occasions Mariko accompanied me and on a few occasions due to her schedule, Hana brought her camera and took pictures of the girls as if they were models.
- "I wasn't able to accompany my uncle to the Mariko Orphanage this past week, so I don't really know. But he told me the children have missed Hana, you, and me."
"Hana didn't go this week?" The look of surprise on Mariko's face made my mind begin to feel uneasy when I heard that Hana hadn't gone. In the few moments we could talk at school, she had told me she had a great time with the girls this week. If she didn't have time to go because of work, why would she tell me a lie?
It was at that moment that the woman's insidious words in my dreams made me briefly doubt Hana. But I quickly regretted even considering the slightest possibility that my girlfriend was hiding something from me.
- "Maybe he had a lot of work at the agency and told me a white lie to keep me from worrying. It's nothing to worry about, Mariko."
- "Yes, Jinta-kun. Forget what I told you." – Lightly clutching her bag against her belly, Mariko looked down.
"Miss, please allow us a moment alone." The doctor accompanying my uncle looked at Mariko, as if scanning her body from top to bottom, with an expression of disdain due to her appearance. At this, I couldn't hide my annoyance and cleared my throat slightly, giving him a look that changed his attitude slightly.
"Please, doctor, she's a good friend of the family. Let her stay." Seeing Mariko's downcast expression, my uncle asked the doctor to let her stay to hear the diagnosis.
"It's fine. If it's someone close to the family, it's best for the boy to have as many people as possible to help him cope." The doctor's words made me feel fearful because of the seriousness with which his voice echoed in my ears. My heartbeat, which had been calm until a moment ago, felt like I was running on a racetrack while my eyes remained focused on the file he held in his hands, flipping through it.
- "According to the results of your abdominal imaging, we found a mass inconsistent with the morphology of your liver tissue. Scarring consistent with cirrhosis has formed around it, and there's a slight change in the caliber of the portal vein. I can't give a conclusive diagnosis until we perform a laparoscopic examination to collect some tissue for biopsy, but you may have hepatocellular carcinoma, and given the size of the affected area, we're talking about grade two."
"Doctor, what do you mean by that?" My uncle, who until recently had shown some composure, seemed about to collapse upon hearing the doctor's words. Meanwhile, I looked down, remembering the harsh words the shinigami had said to me in my dreams.
- "I'm sorry to say it, but if the cancer cells have leaked into the bloodstream, the young man may only have a year to live." – When my uncle fell to his knees at the foot of my bed, I closed my eyes so as not to see his tear-stained face.
- "Why? It's not fair. Why?" Mariko's voice sounded like a whisper in my ears as she leaned her face against the sheets of my bed, sadly holding my hand, squeezing it lightly as if she were trying to hold on to someone who was about to leave.
In the summer of my junior year of high school, my dreams were fading before my eyes. It was that summer that I knew I was going to die.