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Chapter 4: Rumors and Recon
Kazana didn't wake up groaning this time. Instead, he was already wide awake, perched cross-legged on the slanted roof of his tiny quarters, chewing lazily on a cold rice ball he may or may not have "borrowed" from a passing squad's supplies. The Seireitei skyline stretched before him—clean, white walls gleaming under the morning sun, cherry blossoms dancing lazily in the wind, and squads of Soul Reapers marching in formation like it was just another Tuesday.
"Alright," he muttered around a mouthful of rice. "No more dumb missions where I fall into bathhouses or challenge goddess-tier captains to footraces. I'm gonna be strategic. Calculated. Tactical."
The System, naturally, took that exact moment to flicker to life with a delightful ding.
New Missions Available:
➤ Mission 1: Visit Every Major Area of the Seireitei in One Day.
Reward: Enhanced Spiritual Perception (Mid-Tier)
➤ Mission 2: Learn a Basic Kido Spell from a Fourth Squad Member.
Reward: Random Utility Kido (Low-Tier)
➤ Mission 3: Start a Rumor About Captains Jūshirō Ukitake and Shunsui Kyōraku That Spreads Through At Least Three Squads.
Reward: Social Skill Boost (Charisma, Persona Series)
Kazana stopped mid-chew, staring blankly at the screen. "You want me to spread gossip? About those two? The literal chillest captains in all of Soul Society? I'll get soul-slapped into next week if their squads catch wind it was me!" He threw his hands in the air, rice flying off the roof. "And visit every area in one day? What is this, a tourist scavenger hunt?!"
Still… the rewards. That spiritual perception boost sounded sweet. And charisma? He was already bad with women—even a 5% boost might stop him from turning into a stammering idiot every time someone with boobs spoke to him.
"Fine," he muttered. "Let's knock these out. But if I die doing rumor control, I'm possessing the System's hard drive."
---
He started his trek with the First Squad—home of the walking nuclear bomb himself, Captain-Commander Yamamoto. Kazana moved like a ninja with back pain, tiptoeing around the barracks and holding his breath. He spotted the old man dozing peacefully on the veranda, beard fluttering in the wind and spiritual pressure pressing down like an elephant in a sauna.
"Yup," Kazana whispered, carefully backing away. "Gonna pass on waking the sun god."
Next was the sleek, shadowy base of the Second Squad. Soi Fon's subordinates gave him cold, lingering stares that practically screamed, We know what you did. Kazana waved nervously, muttering, "Still sorry about the bathhouse," and Geppo'd away before anyone drew steel.
The Fifth Squad barracks gave him chills—not because of the building, but because Aizen's creepy, calculating aura felt like it stained the very air. Kazana practically crawled past, making zero eye contact. "Nope nope nope, I am not plot-important enough to deal with that guy."
The Sixth Squad was a whole other level of pressure. Kazana peeked inside and saw Byakuya Kuchiki sipping tea and practicing calligraphy like some royal monk. He was tempted to sneak in and say something stupid—just to see if Byakuya's eyebrow twitched—but his survival instinct, surprisingly, kicked in for once.
The Seventh Squad had Komamura's towering reiatsu looming over it like a mountain in a trench coat. Kazana didn't even enter—he just jogged by and waved from behind a wall. "Great squad, love the honor, gotta go!"
The Eighth Squad felt like a completely different anime. Captain Kyōraku was passed out under a cherry tree, sake cup dangling from his hand, pink kimono flapping lazily in the wind. "Hey, new guy," Shunsui murmured without opening his eyes. "Come relax."
Kazana froze. "N-n-no thank you, Captain! Just sightseeing!" He bolted, heart pounding. But an idea was already forming.
"…That man's too chill. I could totally base the rumor around him."
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After surviving the chaos of the Eleventh Squad (someone nearly split a tree in half trying to 'spar' him) and skirting around the horror show that was the Twelfth, Kazana finally collapsed near the Thirteenth. Ukitake's squad was quiet, tranquil. A gentle breeze, soft murmurs, koi pond vibes. Kazana exhaled in peace for the first time all day.
When he finally reached the end of his tour, the System pinged:
Mission Complete: Visit Every Major Area of the Seireitei.
Reward: Enhanced Spiritual Perception (Mid-Tier)
Immediately, Kazana felt it. Everyone's reiatsu snapped into sharp focus—the lazy sway of Kyōraku's aura, the razor-honed edge of Soi Fon's bloodlust, even Unohana's terrifyingly calm spiritual weight, like a guillotine draped in silk.
"Okay, that's freaky cool," he whispered. "I'm basically a walking radar now."
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Phase two: Kido. Kazana trudged to the Fourth Squad, stomach twisting. If he ran into Unohana again, he wasn't sure if he'd faint or propose.
Luckily, he found Isane Kotetsu tending to a small burn victim just outside the barracks. Tall, gentle, and mercifully non-lethal, she looked up and gave him a warm smile. "Need something?"
Kazana shuffled awkwardly. "Uhhh yeah, actually. Could you teach me a beginner kido spell? For training purposes. Not for… peeking or escaping or anything."
She blinked. "Oh. You're that guy."
"Which guy?" he squeaked.
She smiled again, more amused than annoyed. "The bathhouse roof guy. Don't worry, I won't bite."
Kazana wanted to melt. "Thanks."
They went over Hado #1: Sho—a simple push spell. Isane showed him the basics, and it only took him three tries before he sent a pebble bouncing off a wall.
Mission Complete: Learn a Basic Kido Spell.
Reward: Bakudo #8: Seki (Repulsion Shield)
"Oho!" Kazana pumped his fist. "Now I have a defense move! I'm unstoppable!"
He immediately tripped over a rock and landed on his face. "...Never mind."
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Last: the rumor.
Kazana sat atop a roof, plotting. "Something light. Silly. Not cruel. Something that could spread without anyone dying."
He recalled Kyōraku's drunken charm and Ukitake's gentlemanly grace. A grin formed.
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Ninth Squad barracks. Kazana "accidentally" bumped into a group of gossip-hungry seated officers.
"You guys didn't hear? Kyōraku and Ukitake are planning a secret sake and tea festival. Super hush-hush. Code name: Soul Society Sip-Off."
Eyes widened.
"No way."
"I knew something was up when Ukitake ordered that fancy tea set!"
Kazana slipped away, whistling innocently.
By evening, whispers were floating through the Tenth Squad. Even Rangiku was fuming that she "wasn't invited." Sixth Squad members debated whether it was a scandal or "just another Kyōraku stunt."
Mission Complete: Start a Rumor About Ukitake and Kyōraku.
Reward: Charisma Boost (Persona Series)
Something shifted. Kazana straightened his back. Smiled naturally. Waved at a passing Soul Reaper—and she smiled back.
"Oh, damn. I'm hot now."
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He was halfway back to his quarters when he felt it. The slow, deliberate, graceful pressure of her. He turned. Unohana stood beneath a tree, arms folded, smile calm. Too calm.
"Good evening, Kazana," she said. "I hear you've been… busy."
Kazana's soul left his body. "Oh, h-hi Captain Unohana! Just, y'know… bonding with the community! Team spirit!"
She stepped closer. "Rumors. Sightseeing. New skills. You've grown quite… charming."
Kazana's new charisma nearly failed him. "T-thank you? I—wait, was that a compliment or a threat?"
She turned and walked away, her smile lingering. "Keep up the good work. I'll be watching."
He stared after her, heart hammering. "She's gonna kill me. Or marry me. Or both."
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He collapsed on his futon later, not even tired—just overwhelmed. The day had been long, but he'd grown stronger. Sharper. A little more charming.
Still terrified of Unohana, though.
And as he closed his eyes, the System flickered once more:
New Mission: Acquire a Shinigami Robe Signed by Kenpachi Zaraki.
Reward: Unknown (???).
Kazana groaned. "Why. Just… why?"
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End of Chapter 4
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