My new residence was a shack.
A literal, bug-infested shack made of sticks, dreams, and something that smelled like old cabbage. But I didn't care.
Why?
Because the hot spring was real.
> [System Warning: You are currently in a mixed-gender spiritual bath zone. Please refrain from behavior that will trigger sect-wide lawsuits.]
"I am the Honorary Elder. I shall bathe with dignity and pride."
> [You brought a towel that says 'Chicks Dig Dantian' on it.]
"Style matters."
---
I stepped into the steamy mist like a boss. Shirtless. Glorious. My towel barely hanging on. I dipped into the mineral-rich water and sighed.
"Ahhh… this must be what peak cultivation feels like."
> "E-Elder!"
I turned slowly.
A girl had just walked in. Wet hair, towel barely covering her spirit assets, cheeks red as hellfire.
It was the same girl who brought me to the sect—Mei, the only disciple in this sect who didn't look like she was raised by chickens.
> "T-This is the women's half! What are you doing here?!"
I blinked.
Looked left.
Looked right.
Saw a sign that read: "Women's Hot Spring – Enter and Face the Heaven-Slapping Palm."
"…Oops."
> [Host is now flagged for "Accidental Pervert Misunderstanding #1." Consequences pending.]
"Wait, I didn't know! I was misled by… by fate!"
> [You literally said, "Time to score hot spring ecchi points," five minutes ago.]
Mei backed away. "I-I'm calling Sect Master!"
"No, wait!" I raised my hands. "I'll leave! I was just testing the water! For… for toxins! As part of my cultivation duties!"
Suddenly—splash!
The rotten wooden partition collapsed behind me, revealing two more girls.
One old. One… definitely not.
All three of them now stared at me.
I slowly sank deeper into the water.
Only my head and towel tip remained above the surface.
"…If I disappear now, will anyone remember I existed?"
---
Five Minutes Later
I was tied up in front of the sect hall like a criminal.
> "He defiled the women's hot spring!"
> "He soaked in sacred water with… lewd thoughts!"
The sect master looked at me, unimpressed. "Is this true?"
I opened my mouth.
> [If Host answers 'yes,' system reputation drops by 15%.]
[If Host answers 'no,' system will call you a liar in front of everyone.]
I closed my mouth.
> [Auto-response generated: "I was researching new dual cultivation techniques."]
Everyone gasped.
> "DUAL cultivation?!"
> "He must be a genius…!"
> "That explains why his towel said 'Dantian Delivery Service.'"
---
Suddenly, Mei stepped forward.
Face still red, eyes fierce.
> "I-I'll prove he's not a pervert."
Everyone paused.
> "If he wanted to peep… he could've done it before. But he didn't. He just sat there, looking proud and smug. Like an idiot."
> "…He's not a lecher. Just a dumbass."
The sect went silent.
The sect master stroked his beard. "Fair enough. He's free to go. But from now on—no more hot spring experiments without permission."
---
Back in my shack, soaked and towel-less, I groaned.
> [You have completed "Survive Hot Spring Incident"]
Reward: Lucky Mystery Box™ (Totally Not Rigged Edition)
I opened it eagerly.
Inside: a half-used bottle of low-grade aphrodisiac labeled "Beast Tamer's Secret."
"…I feel like the real treasure is depression."