"Author, I Love You But You're Dumb – Auren Recaps the Empire's Descent into Drama"
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🃏 BLOOPERS: CHAPTER 12.5
Narrated by: Auren "Definitely the Male Lead" Thalor
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[BLACK SCREEN. DRAMATIC GUZHENG MUSIC PLAYS.]
AUREN (voiceover, dead serious):
"When the empire trembles, when roses bleed, and when betrayal runs deeper than wine—"
(beat)
"That's how this story started."
(beat again)
"And then the author decided to make me the narrator for the blooper reel."
(sound of paper being crumpled violently)
"Which I did not sign up for."
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[CUT TO: AUREN ON A COUCH WITH A MIC.]
He's wearing a black yukata, sipping juice like it's sake.
Behind him is a lazy sketch of the imperial court—drawn like a 5th grader's school project.
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AUREN:
"Welcome, peasants, nobles, and questionable side characters. I'm your guide today on:
'Twelve Chapters of Plot and Pain: A Beginner's Guide to Falling for a Girl You Executed.'"
(He flips open a giant scroll titled: 'THIS IS A WEBNOVEL, NOT A WEBTOON, STOP DRAWING IT LIKE ONE.')
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Slide 1: Elara in Chains
AUREN:
"Ah yes. Chapter One. Where I said the worst breakup line in history: 'I did love you. That's why I'm doing this.'"
(shrugs)
"And then the author made it poetic and everyone cried. Except me. I was busy looking hot."
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Slide 2: Elara Wakes Up
AUREN:
"Chapter Two. Boom. Resurrection. Classic webtoon move. Time travel? Also webtoon.
But you know what this is? A webnovel. You know… where people read actual words?"
(glances off-screen)
"But nooo. Our dear author goes: 'Let's imagine this like a manhwa with dramatic shading.'"
(sips juice)
"Author, pick a medium and commit. You're like a toddler with crayons and a crown fetish."
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[OFF SCREEN – ELARA'S VOICE]
"You're just mad she gave me the inner monologue and not you."
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AUREN (grinning):
"She gave you the throne and me therapy bills."
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Slide 3: Cladus Appears
AUREN:
"Oh look. Cladus. Brooding knight. Eyes like a storm. Voice like gravel. Loyalty like a dog that reads Sun Tzu."
(squints at screen)
"Why is the fan art of him shirtless though? I'm literally a prince."
(offscreen muttering)
"I HAVE GOLDEN HAIR, DAMN IT."
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Slide 4: Serina's Return
AUREN:
"She smiles like a princess. Stabs like a snake.
Also, fun fact—she doesn't blink when she lies. Creepy."
(leans closer)
"I think the author based her on a toxic group chat friend. I feel it."
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CUT TO: AUTHOR'S CORNER (a hand puppet with a crown)
AUTHOR (squeaky voice):
"Hi Auren! Just a reminder—your tears taste amazing, so keep narrating."
AUREN:
"You're lucky I'm legally bound by 'Main Character Clause 4B' to be hot and emotionally complex."
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Slide 5: The Romance That Isn't
AUREN (serious now):
"Let's talk about love.
I looked at her like she was the sun. She looked at me like I was the tax office."
(dramatic pause)
"Now she's walking through moonlit gardens with Cladus, talking about war crimes and emotional healing."
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[Elara enters, sipping wine from a mug.]
ELARA:
"You literally killed me in Chapter One."
AUREN:
"But romantically."
CLADUS (enters from the shadows):
"You put her on death row with eyeliner. That's not romance. That's theater."
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AUREN:
"Exactly. Thank you."
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CLOSING TIME – ALL THREE IN FRAME
AUREN (smiling to the reader):
"So that's twelve chapters. Twelve tragedies. Twelve emotional punches."
CLADUS:
"And zero therapy."
ELARA:
"Thank you for reading. Truly. I hope you enjoy what's coming."
AUREN (grinning):
"Especially the part where she chooses me again—"
CLADUS:
"In your dreams."
AUREN:
"Which she canonically appeared in. Twice."
ELARA (deep sigh, deadpan):
"See you all next chapter. I'm going to meditate. Or scream."