Tiffany Haddish Presents: Kids Have Amnesty…SAY…What!?
Kids Sound Off: "If We Ran the Country—Here's What We'd Do Different!"
Inspired by the fearless humor of Tiffany Haddish. For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.
Scene: The Presidential Pizza Party
"Alright, squad—imagine you're in charge of the whole country. No grown-ups making the rules, no boring speeches, no pretending to understand taxes. What would you do different? What laws would you make, what problems would you fix, and how would you make things better for EVERYONE? No time-outs, no filibusters, just pure, honest kid power!"
Kids' Honest (and Brilliant) Ideas
On School and Learning:
"First rule: No homework on weekends. Weekends are for fun and family, not math problems."
"More recess, less testing. You learn more from playing tag than from filling in bubbles."
"Every school gets free lunch, and it actually tastes good. Pizza counts as a vegetable if you put spinach on it."
"Let kids vote on what we learn. If we're interested, we'll actually pay attention!"
On Fairness and Justice:
"No more bullying—anywhere. If you're mean, you have to do something nice for three people before you can go back to class."
"If someone gets in trouble, they get a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes—even grown-ups."
"Judges have to wear funny hats so court isn't so scary. And every courtroom gets a puppy."
On Money and Helping People:
"Nobody should be homeless. If there are empty houses, let people live in them."
"If you have more food than you need, you have to share. That's just manners."
"Raise the minimum wage so parents don't have to work three jobs and never see their kids."
"If you're a billionaire, you have to buy a playground for every city."
On Healthcare and Safety:
"Doctors and medicine should be free, because nobody chooses to get sick."
"Mental health days are real. If you're sad or stressed, you get to stay home and eat ice cream."
"Police have to take kindness classes. If you're mean, you lose your badge until you can be nice."
On the Environment:
"No more littering. If you drop trash, you have to wear it as a hat for an hour."
"Plant a tree for every new building. If you cut one down, you plant two."
"Free bikes and skateboards for everyone. Less cars, more fun!"
On Government and Politics:
"All politicians have to answer kid questions once a week—no dodging allowed."
"No more negative ads. If you say something mean about someone else, you have to say two nice things too."
"If you break a promise, you have to wear a chicken suit to the next debate."
On Fun and Happiness:
"National Pizza Day—every month."
"Everyone gets their birthday off, no matter what."
"Puppies and kittens in every office. If you're stressed, you get to cuddle one."
"More music, more art, more dance. You can't be sad if you're singing."
On Inclusion and Kindness:
"No one gets left out. If you see someone alone, you have to invite them to join."
"People can dress how they want, love who they want, and believe what they want—as long as they're kind."
"If you see someone being bullied, you get a superhero cape for standing up for them."
The Kids' Final Verdict
"If kids ran the country, we'd make it fair, fun, and full of snacks."
"We'd actually listen to each other, because nobody likes being ignored."
"We'd fix problems by working together, not arguing all day."
"And we'd remember: The best leaders are the ones who care about everyone, not just themselves."
Special thanks to Tiffany Haddish for letting us dream big (and for not making us do any paperwork). For more, visit tiffanyhaddish.com.
End Scene: The Presidential Pizza Party is still going, and everyone's invited. Even the grown-ups—if they promise to listen!