misconceptionss

Osamu Dazai woke up. He was in his shabby apartment, buried in his dire futon and strained with excruciating pain. His body begged for a release. The brunette had just woken up but already longed to fall back into the depths of the mind. Even if that is just as torturous.

Despite his mind constantly fighting, Dazai much preferred fight a battle he had the possibility of winning instead of perservering with a broken body that has no hope of ever being fixed.

The hopes of that ever happening was shattered years ago when he had a consultation with a certain underground doctor that was addicted to power and control.

The brunette winced when he attempted to move his arm.

At least he could today.

That meant he had to go to work, even if he was late.

***

When other people are diagnosed with Chronic pain, they don't all deal with it by ignoring the illness and carrying on with life as if it didn't affect them at all. The pain is usually too much to bare for many. They get physio therapy, specific painkillers or some other remedy. In Dazai's case, Mori simply declared to the teenager;

"Will you be lessening your workload?"

Dazai immediately returned the question with a no. It was quick. Hesitation? None.

The brunette knew that the punishment would be far worse if he asked for the alternative.

Over time, because he seemed unaffected on the surface, Mori increased his workload. His response was,

"Animals by nature continue their purpose throughout their struggles Dazai, Humans fail by nature instead."

He understood what that meant for The Demon Prodigy

He wasn't allowed to fail.

He was the most merciless member, and what? He caves under a little pain.

You must be joking.

So Dazai continued on.

As expected it only got worse with the gun shots, stab wounds, torture training and other fun Mafia activities so it didn't come as a surprise to Mori when there were consecutive days where Dazai didn't come in.

It wasn't common for adults, let alone teenagers and individuals as young as Dazai having such conditions. But then again, Dazai wasn't common. He was uniquely gifted in all aspects; Intelligence, physique and mental health.

He was a walking miracle but also a violent curse.

When Dazai was underground, his movement was limited. This meant he wasn't required to do much physical activity and his pain would've been most tolerable if not for the inconsistent flow of medication and being on the run from time to time. When he started at the agency though, he was based mainly in the field. There were times he could get out of it and do office work (which on the rare occasion he actually did, much to the complete shock of his coworkers) but Dazai still pushed himself.

"DAZAI! YOU SUICIDAL MANIAC!! YOU'RE LATE"

As per usual, Dazai received his daily beating granted by his lovely partner Kunikida. He didn't dare fight back because it would only make things worse.

"Ayyy Kunikida, leave him alone. I'm trying to focus here!"

Ranpo somehow always knew when a day was worse even though Dazai never ever told the detective about his illness. The brunette never gives much thought about his condition.

Professionals would call that denial.

"Ah, apologies Ranpo"

Kunikida took a moment to straighten out his suit from that physical exertion and then proceeded to turn his head back to Dazai who was sitting against the agency door in an awful position plastering the fakest smile on his face as a very strained and barely functional mask.

"Get to work! We have a new case this afternoon and you need to finish that paperwork from a week ago! We can't have delays Dazai, I mean it. "

From the blondes voice the brunette could tell he couldn't blow off this mission.

That also meant paperwork and moving his fingers and wrists to type.

His wrists were by far one of the worst areas for pain. It still impresses Dazai that he's able to hold his gun fairly accurately but he knows that it is no where near as accurate as it was before, but luckily it doesn't have to be here which the brunette is ever thankful for.

He owes that much at least to his dear friend.

"Yes yes, I'm on it Kunikida"

The blonde then turned around and walked swiftly back to his desk leaving Dazai on the floor.

The 22 year old attempted to move only to lightly fall back down, not being able to supress a light wince as he fell back.

He couldn't get up.

"Hey Kunikida~"

The blonde looked up stiffly then back down again to the brunet on the floor glaring at him viciously.

"Can you help me up please~ and be such a gentleman"

Dazai boyishly smiled at his partner knowing it was an extremely long shot.

"No! Get up by yourself I'm busy"

"But you did just-"

"DAZAI! I said no interruptions!!"

He spoke coldly and harshly and Dazai put his head back.

His apprentice sighed.

"I'll help you up Dazai-san"

Atsushi smiled kindly at him.

I should really stop taking pity on him

"Ah! Atsushi you're so wonderful! How do you not seduce women!"

His apprentice shook his head displeasingly but was still smiling.

He was a gentle soul.

"Because that's your thing not mine Dazai. It's not really my area..." he pouted a little before getting embarrassed and stretching out his hand towards his unknowingly extremely pained mentor and to help him up.

"Ah~ maybe men are more your area" the brunet shamelessly commented and he straightened out his signature trench coat.

To that, his face became flushed and ran away desperately.

Atsushi wasn't gay but he has a complicated (to say the least) relationship with a certain mafioso...

_______

Dazai walked over to his desk feeling a sigh of relief when he sat down. The pain was seeping deep into his bones and the last thing he wanted today was to do field work.

The morning passed by too quickly for the brunettes liking. Dreading an upcoming event while distracting yourself has a habit of doing that to an individual.

"Dazai, we're meeting our client in ten minutes make sure you are completely finished by then! I will notbe late!"

Dazai sighed and continued to work.

"Hey are you evening listening to me!"

His partner smashed the book behind his head, causing the brunettes head to hit the desk then Kunikida proceeded to hit him a second time on his upper back.

"Listen when you're spoken too you imbecile! Then maybe I won't have to repeat myself so much and you'll actually know what's going on!!"

Dazai groaned. He knew that his partner would take that as him being rude but he really was just in immense pain. He honestly did not want to push himself today. He knew he would get through it even though he originally asks himself that question because intelligence always outweighs the pain usually when he can move. Sometimes though it fails him and then he takes many many days off after that.

He fears it's one of those times.

"Just get your stuff and meet me downstairs! I'm done with your shenanigans."

Ranpo left earlier for a job of his own so he won't be breathing down Dazai's neck the whole time. He would definitely insist on coming to the cafe after watching Dazai's poor attempt at getting up and also the chance for free food.

_____

"We received this note last week. We tried to tell the police but they refused to take action. You were the only ones we could turn to.

The couple were in their late twenties, so still fairly young. They had tanned skin and spoke with a strong accent. Dazai figured they likely were from somewhere in or related to brazil as their accent was derived from Portuguese or Spanish origin. The way they were dressed was quite cultural accurate as well.

The couple handed the paper over to Kunikida who inspected it thoroughly then shoved it over to Dazai.

"We'll definitely take a look and get back to you"

****

"What did you get?"

Kunikida was sitting on the sofa's across from Dazai who was laying down.

"They were hiding something for sure, they have some aspect of their past they're trying to run from but I don't think it was from their origins, something has happened recently"

Kunikida listened intently.

"Maybe a past acquaintance that has recently got in touch since they moved to Japan? I'm not sure"

Kunikida nodded in agreement.

"We'll go to the meeting and see what we can get"

"It's likely a trap, we'll have to be vigilant"

"What makes you think so?"

"A message appears, police and no one else mysteriously doesn't get involved, the woman was fiddling with a bracelet so she knew something regarding the note, perhaps the person who sent it needed a direct way to get to us, perhaps through blackmail? It's not clear right now the point is I think they're baiting us"

Kunikida thought about it for a moment.

"I'll discuss this with the president-"

Before Kunikida could finish, the man appeared himself.

"No need"

His aura was powerful and purposeful.

Everyone addressed the man as he entered the room.

"I think you and Dazai are more than capable of sorting this matter out. I will send Kenji and Yosano as standby but I'm sure you two will have it handled"

The office all give affirming nods.

"Understood Mr. President"

"Carry on"

The office immediately resumed what they were doing, Kenji and Yosano enter and walk straight over to the pair.

"President summoned us, what do you need"

"Just backup Yosano-sensei~"

"A lookout"

Both of them said simultaneously.

"Basically just standby"

Kunikida raised an eyebrow in Dazai direction. Not once has Dazai said backup when it was just the two of them. Kunikida wonders if Dazai has lost faith in their teamwork and skills or if it really is that big of a deal.

Dazai shifts uncomfortably on the sofa.

"Okay!"

Kenji was beaming and was more than happy to help.

"Alright, lets get started"

_______

After all the plans were set in motion, the group found themselves at the rendezvous point that the note requested.

"Is everyone clear on what the plan is"

'Geez Kunikida~ have more faith in us!'

The voice on the other end of the ear piece sings.

'Dazai never takes things seriously!' Couldn't help but play through his mind.

The blonde carefully slides the door open and Dazai was standing by on the other exits while Yosano and Kenji were standing by hidden securely observing the scene.

Nothing happened when the clock struck 6 but the group stayed in silence.

After a few more minutes past, a cage was released trapping Kunikida. He activated his ability only for his hands to be shackled suddenly from the floor.

"DAMN IT

"Dazai what is happening! "

"Kunikida is in a trap, metal cage. No suspects have been seen yet, the cameras came up clear. wait-"

Clapping was heard.

"I didn't realize you'd bring so many friends Doppo, it really made my day"

A person with brown hair and a shabby top hat came into view.

"Who the hell are you? "

"Ah~ that doesn't matter"

At the click of their fingers, Kunikida's cage was surrounded.

"It took me quite a while to pinpoint all the agency members. The guild was a massive help in that though."

What do they mean by that?

"And The Demon Prodigy?! Well, that was certainlya surprise finding out who they were and his ability. Wow! That was indeed a challenge."

What are they talking about?! The Demon Prodigy? That monster?!

"Anyway I'm gonna bring him in now"

Again, at the click of their fingers Dazai was brought through in shackles.

"Oh hey~ Kunikida!"

The blonde scowled, both unimpressed and shocked.

"What do you want!? "

"What do I want?! Oh nothing really, I just like teaching people a lesson. I honestly have no intention of harming you. Seriously, and you can tell those two on your communication device Dazai, that no backup will be needed."

Hesitantly, Dazai said just that.

'Are you sure?!' Kenji sounded worried

'This doesn't seem very wise Dazai' And Yosano was trying to understand Dazai's reasoning.

"We'll be fine, just go and report to the president" Despite everyone quite overwhelmed with the revelation, they obeyed Dazai's wishes.

After that was wrapped up, the unknown individual smiled.

'Great! Now that's all sorted, time for the injection! Scar," Then again they clicked their fingers and a fragile girl about 17 came forward, she looked a lot more frail than Dazai.

"Liege"

Liege what? Do they have a god/superiority complex or something?!

"Thank you"

They flicked the vile containing a translucent red and blue liquid twice before turning to the captors wearing a bittersweet smile.

"Okay idiots who's first!"

Neither of them replied, Dazai just scowled.

"Oh my, you're both so serious! Can't you ever have fun! Kunikida is supposed to be the one with a stick up his arse!"

No response.

"Ugh fine, bring Dazai here"

Slowly the individual injected the syrum into his blood stream before shoving handing Dazai over to the assistant again.

"Now Kunikida!"

Kunikida was moved forward to the edge of the cage and was injected.

The blonde couldn't understand why Dazai wasn't retaliating, he could easily escape! He has seen and heard at least some of what Dazai was capable of, especially as The Demon Prodigy.

Within two minutes Kunikida began to feel drowsy. He looked to Dazai to found he has already collapsed, despite being injected later than him, before his own vision became spotted then suddenly black.

The person in front of them stepped forward before grinning wickedly, addressing their subordinates.

"Get them out of here! They'll probably have a headache when they wake up Scar, so put out some painkillers beside their beds or whatever, make sure to monitor them love"

The girl just nodded obediently.

"Wait, also"

The individual walked over and handed her a 200,000 yen in a block.

"Go get something nice, sorry for summoning you"

She bowed respectively then left.

_______

Kunikida opened his eyes and has never felt more pain in his life.

He whined and tears escaped from his eyes only for his neck and back to cry out violently from the tension.

He choked after he tried to move. The pain was unbearable.

Dazai, on the other hand, woke up without an ounceof pain. His body wasn't screaming at him. He had never felt so painless. He allowed himself to feel relief. He rose from the bed only to be hit quite ferociously by a headache. It was nothing compared to his usual pain levels but it was still enough to bother him.

He looked beside him to which he saw a note.

Hey Dazai!

This will last 5 days give or take a few.

Enjoy the change!

And also here's some painkillers for the headache. You'll be fine to take these :)

Dazai wanted this to be permanent but a few days of being painless will have to be enough. He will probably have to run bloods by Yosano so he can make sure this isn't toxic but then again, if it is then he could finally die, but it still risks a painful death though. He wasn't sure which he preferred.

Something felt off though.

He felt heavier and warm.

That's very unlike him.

He looked down and realised he was in Kunikida's clothes.

"What?"

His voice.

That's not his voice.

Dazai scambled up and looked around.

Kunikida's apartment!?

He raced to the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

"No, no no no no no"

Every time he spoke it freaked him out.

His voice was deep and his hair was long and he was a much heavier weight.

Everything about this situation turned horrendous in an instant.

He decided the free pass on pain wasn't worth it if his soul was placed Kunikida's body. That means his partner's soul is-

________

"Yosano-sensei!"

The doctor looked up at Kunikida alarmed.

"Has... Dazai turned up to work yet?"

It felt weird to do that.

"No, it's pretty late so it's quite possible he's not coming in at all. Why are you so stressed out, is it because you're late?"

Kunikida grabbed his scalp and tugged his hair.

"What's going on?"

The woman was deeply confused.

"Alright. I'll be back later."

And since when does Kunikida act like that. That display was more like... Dazai?

The door to Dazai's apartment burst open revealing Kunikida's body.

"It is unbelievably easier to move around like this"

He was enjoying this body's perks way too much.

He found his own body laying bone still and staring at the ceiling.

Evidence of tears were staining the brunette's face and he looked exhausted.

Dazai never realized how haggered he looks until now.

"Hey Kunikida, were you able to take the medication?"

His partner very weakly shook his head while he face scrunched up and he released a really strained breath.

"Alright, I'll go get the medication."

Dazai rose from his partners bedside and went over to some draws fairly close to the futon.

There he pulled out 3 bottles.

On his way back, he picked up the ones beside his futon and poured the correct amount of each in his hand.

"Can you swallow pills dry Kunikida?"

Once again, he restrictively shook Dazai's head.

"Alright I'll go to the shop quickly and get some water, I ran out a few days ago I think"

Now Dazai isn't usually the caring type but Kunikida is currently, whether Dazai likes it or not, having to deal with Dazai's issues. That is Dazai's burden and Dazai's burden alone to carry, so he can offer his partner at least some sympathy and guilt because of that. Even if it may be artificial to a degree.

No more than 10 minutes later Dazai returns to his partners side with a bottle of water.

"Take these"

Kunikida opened his mouth and Dazai poured the pills in, then the water.

"They should kick in within half an hour alright, for now just stay still and relax. Sleep if you can."

Kunikida does in fact, fall back asleep.

Dazai spends the time where his partner was resting thinking how to deal with this issue. He doesn't know what they were injected with or whether the effects are reversible. They need to go and see Yosano, but it's getting Kunikida to suck up the pain and walk. There is no way Dazai is carrying his own body there. Dazai can walk if he pushes through it, so Kunikida will do the same. He will make it happen.

After about an hour, Dazai ever so lightly shakes Kunikida awake. Consideration had to occur for this to work.

"I know you don't want to, but you're going to have to walk"

Kunikida actually bursts out laughing, both out of absurdity of the statement and confusion - now being lucid enough to properly see and comprehend surroundings.

"Why am I looking at myself"

He pauses.

"Yes, I know that's not your voice, it's mine. We seemed to have... Switched body's."

Kunikida stared at the ceiling - completely in shock.

"B-but how is that possible?!"

"I don't know Kunikida but it's definitely made this case a lot more interesting…"

They both took a minute to process the situation, Kunikida failing miserably.

"How are you walking around right now? Didn't the drug affect my body also?!"

To that Dazai laughs.

He still hasn't figured it out.

"Kunikida, the only thing that will have been the effect of the drug, would've been the head pain that has mildly subsided now. It completely calmed my headache but I usually have one anyway along with-"

Kunikida's eye's widened.

"You mean this is not the drug?"

"No, that pain won't go away. Sorry Kunikida"

They both stayed silent for a while. The soul not knowing how to process Dazai's revelation.

"Kunikida we have to get to Yosano and I'm not carrying you- well.. myself? All the way there"

He attempts again to move his arm. He can, it's more bearable but it's still excruciating.

"I don't think I can walk there Dazai, I can barely move this ridiculous arm."

Dazai rolled his eyes.

"Look, you can alright, you just have to push through it!"

"You have no idea how painful this is! I can't-"

Kunikida takes a minute to look at the expression his partner has. He looks apathetic but also frustrated. It's cold and fierce. It's like he wants to shout and scream at his partner but he is using every ounce of self restraint to not do so for some unknown reason to Kunikida.

"If you have something to say Dazai just say it"

Dazai scoffs.

"Whatever" Osamu's tone was heartless.

"If you don't want answers on how we can get this fixed, be my frickin guest Kunikida, If you want mypain that badly go right ahead!" Despite the severity of what he just said Dazai was smiling eerily with Kunikida's face, attempting his usual façade but failing as it didn't look natural one bit on Kunikida.

"Fine, I'll try"

Despite what Dazai had said, it still hadn't clicked to Kunikida what his partner meant. He hadn't thought for a second that this is what he had to endure every. single. day. Simply just an injury of sorts.

But no doubt he will learn.

Text"Okay." Dazai says, setting Kunikida down when they're not too far from the Agency. "You're going to walk now, it's not far. At least try to hide that you're in pain." 

"You have no idea how hard this is." Kunikida mutters, taking a step in the direction of the building, his knees buckling slightly "Damn, this hurts."

Dazai rolls his eyes with a slightly spiteful glare "Let's go, Kunikida." 

At Dazai's apartment, they had decided to still go to work, since Kunikida literally could not handle the thought of missing a day work and they're already late as it is. 

They hadn't even made it a block from Dazai's apartment before the former brunette had growled under his breath, saying "Okay. Stop it." He supports Kunikida up with his arms. You're making me look pathetic. It's something he can't help but think. The former math teacher doesn't even protest, just happy to get the pressure off his body. He has been whimpering pathetically in pain every other second and it makes Dazai look weak. Which he can't be. No one knows they switched bodies and he needs to keep that information away from his enemies. He is still The Demon Prodigy, after all. 

They had had a short conversation about whether they should sit at each other's desks in the Agency, but then realized that if they're telling their coworkers anyways so there's no point. 

When the two enter the office, all the members of the Agency look over to them, some slightly confused about Kunikida being later than all of them since he is always early to work, but when they see Dazai with him, they immediately think he had gone to drag the brunette out of bed before coming to work, which he has done previously. 

"Good morning, Dazai~Kun, Kunikida~Kun!" Atsushi smiles to the two. It confuses the Agency when Dazai doesn't give his usual overdramatic and loud greeting, but they don't ask anything, eyeing him curiously. 

"Um.. Dazai~Kun, why aren't you sitting in your desk?" The silver haired teen asks, looking at Kunikida in confusion. 

"What do you mean, Atsushi~Kun?" Dazai asks "I am." 

"Ha??!" 

From across the room, a man snacking on chips bursts out laughing, everything clicking now. 

"Ranpo~Kun, can you explain?" Atsushi asks. 

"Isn't it obvious?" The dark haired man asks "They switched bodies when they were hit by that ability the other day on that mission." 

"What-?!" 

"Yes, he is correct." Kunikida says with a sigh "I am in Dazai's body, and that ungrateful brat is in my body." 

"Aw~ thanks for the compliment, Kunikida~Kun." Dazai hums, getting a very pathetic looking glare which he has to keep himself from laughing at. You cockroach .  

"Dazai, I swear if you don't tell me what injured you, I'm going to lose it!" Kunikida hisses. The pain is excruciating to the point where he can barely move. It is all over, but it seems to be the most intense in the wrists, making it hard for him to do his work - whether it's writing or typing. It's as if each of his fingers are tied to a rope, each with separate games of tug-of-war, and that's nothing compared to what the rest of his body is feeling. Although he fights through the pain, it's hard. Especially with how thoroughly tired he feels. It's as if he hasn't slept in months. This was a feeling in truth, he never thought he'd feel. Since he has a very strict sleeping schedule that he never wavers from unless extremely necessary, the feeling wasn't pleasant in the slightest. 

Kunikida doesn't get a verbal reply, instead, he gets a shrug from Dazai who looks over at him lazily, not pausing in the moments of his hands as they gracefully move across the paper before him, writing down a report that is needed to give into the boss later that day. 

"Are you sure it's Dazai who is in your body, Kunikida?" Yosano asks later into the day. The other Agency members who hadn't been present in the room that morning had been informed of the partners situation, and Yosano wanted to see what was going on first hand. 

"Yes." The former blond says through his teeth, having decided to give himself a small break from moving his arms "Why?"

"Well, it's just that he is actually doing his work all at once unlike his usual random spurts of motivation like he usually does, he's also more hyper then the Dazai we know. He's in your body, so.." 

Kunikida glances over to Dazai. It still catches him off guard to see his own body from a different perspective then through his own eyes in a mirror 

"Shinjū-wa~" they hear the deep voice of Kunikida's body hum,

"Yep. Without a doubt that's Dazai." Kunikida says while Yosano chuckles, looking at the clown of the office with a smile before glancing over at Ranpo to see him staring intently at Dazai. 

I wonder what he's thinking. The doctor thought curiously. She had questioned both Dazai and Kunikida, asking questions she knows those people specifically would know the right way to answer, and it had proven to be true that the clown of the Agency and the rule keeping, strict man had both swapped bodies. 

"Is Kunikida~Kun okay?" Atsushi asks his mentor quietly 

"What do you mean, of course he is." Dazai says, looking up "Other than being annoyed that we swapped bodies, but that's understandable." He shrugs 

"But... he isn't doing as much work as he usually does, and he's actually taking breaks.. I don't want to judge because he must have a valid reason for it, but it looks like he's what he would say 'slacking off..' " the weretiger looks guilty for even thinking such things of the man. Atsushi doesn't really believe in slacking off, but it's what Kunikida always says. Atsushi has always tried to take the more positive view of a situation, hence why it felt important to ask what may be ailing Kunikida. 

"Don't worry about it, 'Sushi." Dazai smiles, ruffling his apprentices hair with a chuckle when the silver haired boys face burns with embarrassment, exclaiming in surprise by the sudden action, swatting the former brunettes hands away. 

"Ah, sorry, Atsushi~Kun." Dazai continues to chuckle lightly as he returns to his work, saying "Don't worry about him, alright? We'll check on him" He repeats, trying to reassure something to his apprentice about the appearing alarming situation. 

"If you say so.." the boy mutters uncertainly, looking up at Kunikida again. It was still feeling weird seeing Dazai's body despite it being a few hours since they first entered the office that morning. It definitely was because of the such drastic dynamic shift not only in their behavior but in the office in general.

"Do you know what's up with Kunikida?" Yosano asks Ranpo, sitting on his desk, leaning back on her hands while her legs kick slightly

"Maybe~" the man replies from her right, stuffing a handful of chips in his mouth

"You really should slow down a bit, Ranpo." She says with a laugh "You'll choke." 

"No I wont, I'm the great detective!" 

I don't know how those two are connected, but okay. The woman thinks, laughing again, "Of course you are. In all seriousness though, you don't have to tell me for now. I will want the answer later. I know he mentioned having an injury earlier, but it shouldn't be enough to change his behavior this drastically. What's going on with him? He's more snappy, especially to Dazai. And I know he's always been like that, but it seems like it's more so today than usual." 

The raven haired man hums, looking at the blond in the brunette's body through his closed eyes. I'm not completely sure what's wrong with him, he thinks. Then looking over to Dazai in the blonds body, who is walking around his little group of desks with a satisfied smile before sitting back down again with a straight back… 

and decent posture. 

Something Ranpo never thought he'd see Dazai have. 

There are many things about his friend that the detective hasn't been told but has been able to figure out through context clues; things like him being part of the mafia as well as having a higher status in the field but not knowing exactly which status he had. But, there is one thing in particular that he hasn't been able to get a solid answer for yet, but there are theories. It involves seeing Dazai's mask occasionally slip without his control, allowing some genuine emotions that the detective has not been able to pinpoint the exact cause of because there are too many possibilities. With this in mind though, Ranpo has a feeling that he may be able to figure it out soon.

Kunikida is struggling with all that he is doing, though trying his best to not allow the others to know or see that. Dazai had requested that much from him, as well as trying to maintain his usual rate of working. 

The brunette is thoroughly enjoying himself. To be free from the pain and stress of his body, as well as having so much energy he can't sit still. He blames this entirely on Kunikida. Every now and then, Dazai will stand up and take a quick walk around the office or just his desk, just to feel the freedom of being able to walk with no pain as well as the absence of fear from having to endure the extreme levels while doing so.

He felt satisfied when he was able to do the simplestof things, just like going down to the cafe and get himself a cup of coffee and then being able to walk back up the stairs without needing to use the elevator and also leaning on the bars, or being able to actually do his paperwork without the painful protests of his wrists. 

Performing such actions couldn't help but provoke such thoughts of moderate shock at the quality of life 'healthy' people can live with on the daily.

I never understood that other people's lives are usually this painless and free...the brunette couldn't help but acknowledge with a hum of joy and thoughtfulness. He can't even feel his joints moving! 

From the corner of the room, Dazai can hear Yosano and Ranpo talking in hushed voices with each other, about him and Kunikida, he assumes. 

Speaking of which, Dazai gives his partner a side glance to see him sitting at his desk next to him, but not doing any work.

From this point of view, Dazai can see every flaw that his body holds. Both which he was already aware of, and those he hadn't noticed before, -like his eye bags.

Oftentimes, Dazai will cover the dark circles up with brief concealer, a trick he learned in the past, but sometimes, on the rare occasion when they aren't too dark, or he runs out, he'll go to work without it. At the moment, his body has no makeup on it since it hadn't crossed his mind, too caught up with the fact that Kunikida is in his body and now has access to everything he has kept a secret from him, to remember the makeup, and he now sees how utterly miserable he looks with just that alone. 

Everyone sees me like that the former brunette realizes, keeping his face void of the current fear and self hatred he is feeling towards his body right now. The sudden burning itch starts to crawl under his flesh, making Dazai yearn for the feeling of a blade against his skin. Specifically his arms. NO. Dazai thinks No. This is not my body. But the itch doesn't leave, and he starts scratching the arms without even realizing it. But then something is getting under his nails and then freezes, looking down to see blood. He had made himself bleed. Well, he had made Kunikida bleed. 

"Fuck.." he mutters, grabbing a few tissues to start dabbing at the cuts he had accidentally created I'll have to ask Kunikida about cutting his nails.. as a kid, Dazai had picked up a habit of biting his nails, so he might accidentally do that to Kunikida's as he is in his body, but having long nails gives him thoughts and he ends up hurting himself with them. He ends up doing it whether they're long or short, but it's slightly harder to bleed when they're short, so he can catch himself before he does too much, if any at all. He'll have to explain that to Kunikida as well. There are so many excuses I have to make up.. he realizes with a sigh, pulling down the black dress sleeves of Kunikida's shirt once making sure no more blood will spill, chucking the slightly blood spotted tissue in a garbage, getting back to an essay he had stolen from Kunikida's pile, having finished his stuff already and knowing how hard it is to do work with all the pain, he'll help him a little bit. 

Unlike usual, for Dazai, his day seems to fly by when it usually feels like it's going slower then a snails pace. The lack of pain and utter exhaustion is surely a tribute to that. Unfortunately for Kunikida, the minutes seem to move slower than anything else he has ever seen or experienced. He is more than relieved when the lunch hour arrives. 

"Yosano~Sensei." Kunikida says, looking up from his desk, locking eyes with the doctor. 

"Hm? What's up, Kunikida?" The woman asks, peering over her glasses from a medical file she is examining. 

"I demand you give me a consultation of all of Dazai's injuries!" 

Text"I demand a consultation for all of Dazai's injuries!" The man slammed his hand on the table to express the frustration only for him to cry out immediately after. 

The whole room went silent. 

Yosano's eyebrow was raised. 

"Sure let's go"

The doctor rose and ushered Kunikida out of the door as he staggered up from his seat. Atsushi looked concerned. 

Dazai quickly arose, carefully but cautiously intervening. 

"Ah Yosano~sensei! I ensure you there's no need!"

The angry look Kunikida had plastered all over Dazai's face did not suit him one bit. His eyes were narrowed and face was scrunched up. If someone were to describe how this appeared it would be compared to a childish tantrum. 

It didn't suit Dazai's body at all. 

Nevertheless, Dazai understood why his partner was so short tempered and could at least offer some mild considerate understanding of his situation. He lives with it after all. 

"Dazai I have pain everywhere. I can't focus. I can barely MOVE MY HANDS- FOR GOODNESS SAKE"

Kunikida was doing surprisingly well for not swearing with the pain levels that he was currently dealing with. Although, he didn't do himself any favours with moving his hands and wrists exasperatedly like that a moment ago.

"Kunikida, unless it is a life or death emergency, I can't consult you if Dazai doesn't consent"

The doctor convieniently left out that it was compulsory in the detective agency to get a physical twice a year at least for a check up with their active line of work. That piece of information was useless anyway because Dazai always hid everything and avoided truthfullness regardless. 

"Exactly, and I don't consent! However, I will get some medication for you if you would like"

Dazai knew he had to approach this situation open minded and with compromising. There is only so much you can withold in the agency. They are unfortunately a very thorough agency and don't take well to witholding secrets that impact living. Keep your secrets by all means if it doesn't affect work - they're all have such different pasts that boundaries are very much encouraged in the work environment, but withold information regarding safety and Fukuzawa does not approve at all. Dazai has respect for the man, as do they all. 

"You know I can't let you do that Dazai, you'll have to give me a run down of what you take and I prescribe them" 

It was a gentle reminder. They were all aware that there was only so much you can push Dazai to be cooperative. 

"Of course!" The detective eerily smiled. 

Kunikida knew that this was better than nothing at all. 

Surveying the scene in the corner of the agency was Ranpo of course, watching intently as the events transpire. 

Defensive, willing to compromise, somewhat concerned with his partners well-being? 

Ranpo knew that this went deeper than the surface. The cracks were becoming more evident and Ranpo would be an idiot if he missed this opportunity by not getting somewhat involved despite not being thrilled with the farce. 

It was unfortunate he couldn't sit into the meeting that was about to transpire, but the behavior afterwards should be decent enough. 

Yosano and Dazai made their way to the infirmary. Kunikida was ordered to stay put for now while they went over things. 

With all things considered, Dazai thought he was taking things mentally very well. One thing that was concerning though, was how the body had slightly tensed. It wasn't a very calming sensation. 

As the two entered the room, the atmosphere tensed. The previous brunette carefully pulled out a slip of paper from his pocket that he had wrote earlier that morning and smiled as he handed it over to her. 

"As requested Yosano-sensei~"

His voice was bittersweet, the masking tone dripping out letting the vulnerability uncomfortably bleed through. 

This was a compromise he didn't want to make. If things were to go his way, he wouldn't have to make any compromises at all but alas that wasn't meant to be. 

Dazai understood that his pain tolerance may be a little higher than the average human. For once he was grateful for the amount of medical textbooks and journals he read when he spent his time in Mori's infirmary, patiently waiting for his death. What a vain hope. 

Because of this knowledge, he was able to pick out the most suitable medication taking into account Dazai's own anatomy and immunities with Kunikida's poor pain tolerance levels in comparison. Overall, Kunikida's pain tolerance was supposedly quite considerably higher than an average person, Dazai never saw it that way though. The average person isn't involved in violence as frequently as they all are. 

"Dazai you can't be serious?! How do you expect him to function with all this?" Demands the doctor. 

"Yosano," his voice turned stone cold. 

"If you do this without resistance or questioning, I will grant you 3 completely truthful answers to any question about me you wish - after this is all over but trust me when I say that this is what is needed"

This opportunity was far too great to pass. 

He was never so forward.

It was better than reminiscing about Mori and reading. 

"They have to be specific though, no room for diversion."

She understood and would never betray this trust placed in her. Dazai wants secrecy, Yosano will respect that - to some extent at least. 

"Agreed, but I promise Dazai. I will not let this go. I will get my answers and our meeting"

Mafia habits die hard as the two slash their hands and seal their promise with blood.

The ultimate contract. 

The ultimate debt. 

Technically in the agency this wasn't really allowed, but the two are deeply distrusting considering each others background. This was the only promise that would ever truely join the two together - for now at least. Their friendship may evolve into something somewhat trustworthy eventually, but with something this sacred it was a necessary measure. Usually basic things they can trust just by each others word, but Yosano knew how evasive the soul could be, so they both had to reassure one another. They both hold Fukuzawa's morals quite high but they made this an exception, this contract was one of the highest value in the Mafia - it connected their souls through the darkness and brought a level ground for them both to stand on. 

Dazai wasn't sure Kunikida would appreciate the injury, but it will have most likely healed over by the time he gets his body back anyway. It wasn't particularly deep. He must be more careful with it in future though. For once he has to be fully vigilant in a body, this will definitely hinder his abilities. 

Dazai knew how much a body could endure before it collapsed and he fully stretched those limits in his old body because why not? If he couldn't move out of the way without immense pain, he simply would notmove out of the way. If it was aimed at a vital he would readjust his position - nothing more. With Kunikida's body though, he will have to conciously be more vigilant to preserve it. Dazai was relieved that he didn't have the pain as it made the goal a lot easier. The way he began thinking since joining the ADA both relaxed and concerned him. 

When he was underground he made it a priority to keep up somewhat the strength Mori taught him (strength meaning not getting help with anything because it showed weakness unless it diminished the success rate of the original objective.) He loosened the reins a bit but he still kept himself in check. 

This meant restrictions one's food, medication, water - basic necessities you need to function because he didn't know the work environment very well. He can make observations but with someone with such a bleak history he may be treated differently. As a result he tried to keep his 'tolerance high' even though it affected his performance in his activities but it wasn't enough to concern the brunet. By the time he met with Fukuzawa a few months before he originally started at the agency (very discretely) he wasn't in the best shape professionally speaking. The promise he made for his friend was the only thing keeping him from killing himself. 

**Flashback**

"Dazai."

The brunette plastered a grin on his face to appear more approachable. 

"Fukuzawa-sensei"

He decided not to over do it because he could tell this man respected honesty. 

"With all due respect with your quite tainted record, and I'm sure there's more, I would prefer a more genuine conversation if you don't mind"

Dazai's grin faultered and he reduced the positivity down some. 

He was excited to get started but he was very tired. 

"I trust my history won't be relayed to my collegues? "

"Yes, they like to make a game out of it actually - guessing each others professions from before their time in the ADA"

Dazai nodded and kept some of his charisma but added a more serious undertone to his presentation as a compromise for honesty. 

"Thank you. If you ever feel genuinely about something, feel free to express it in constructive methods. That means no killing or torture, you express yourself as you feel. If that's something you struggle with, talking is-"

"There's no need! I function just fine"

"Understood, if your mind ever changes let me know"

Dazai was thrown off by this man. He clearly didn't deal much with emotions himself but he cares somewhat about the wellbeing of others - completely unlike Mori. He just cared about results. 

"Now, before you start at the agency I need to ask you a few questions about your work ethic"

( A/n I ALWAYS WANTED TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS) 

"Go ahead! "

"How do you complete work?"

"Quickly and efficiently. "

"And we don't cut corners. We prioritize jobs. You don't need to complete everything when something else is of priority"

Dazai nods. 

"If you are not at full health after a mission what do you do?"

This was a trick question

Dazai could sense it from a mile away. 

The question was, what was the right answer? He went with the most healthy? One? 

"Try and work if you can but if it's severe give time to re cooperate. "

He was so severly unsure it put him on edge. He didn't know how wrong he was at the moment or by some miracle - if he was right. 

"I prefer my staff to be at full health but in times of immense crisis we try to keep working. Of course, those with injuries sit out, but I try to keep a sustainable work environment when we can"

Is that a pass then? 

"Why do you want to join the Armed Detective Agency"

This one Dazai knew would be best answering with honesty. 

"To help people. I made a promise and I intend to fulfill it"

It was comforting to remember in such a farcical meeting. Fukuzawa nodded the same. 

"I think the rest we can learn along the way. But remember, we try to acquire as small number of casualties as possible"

Dazai nodded. 

"Of course Mr. President"

"And Dazai?"

"Yes?"

"Take care of yourself. You can't start work like this. I can move you into an apartment now but I want you as well as you can be right now in four months time. If not, our agency doctor will treat you. It's not a threat, just an assurance. I need you to understand that I care about my staff"

A doctor was the ultimate threat for Dazai. 

He needed to loosen his restrictions some more. He was sure that's what Fukuzawa meant and he cared more about that job than Mori's lessons at that moment. 

"Understood Fukuzawa-sensei"

The man extended his hand toward the brunet and Dazai lifted his arm to reach his. 

They connected into a strong handshake and the brunette supressed a wince. 

He needed to practice getting that sensation under control again. 

Pain. 

So Dazai began his preparations on fabricating the deceptive personality for his new role. 

Looking stupid but not weak was key. 

He has secrets to hide. 

** FLASHBACK ENDS **

" I'd expect no less"

As the blood merged in their hands the two let go.

"Now if you don't mind, I'd like to go and relieve the rest of our colleagues from Kunikida's terrible wrath!"

Yosano nodded skeptically allowing the brunette to leave. 

Osamu Dazai was truly a man of mystery. 

Trauma embedded and sewn into his brain and he was a standing lasting result on how someone could adapt and move on from such treatment. 

Not every emotion that man held or expressed was false - it was just not an entire truth. 

" Great news! Yosano-sensei is okay with the prescription and will gladly serve you now "

The brunette clapped his hands together with enthusiasm, relishing in the sweet concequence of no pain and just an infuriated, formerly blond detective. 

"Finally"

Atsushi looked at his mentor for confirmation that everything will be okay with Kunikida, just receiving a comforting smile from the brunet in return as he continued his work. 

___________

The body Kunikida was inhabiting slashed and stabbed at the nerves in complete hostility against his movements. He didn't know how much more of this he could frickin take. Even though Yosano's office was just down the hall, each individual step felt like he walking on scalpels and being ruthlessly dissected by countless knives. 

By the time the detective reached the door, his mind was grieving. He was filled with dread because of the amount of upcoming movement his wrists were about to endure. He could anticipate the added pain he was about to experience, and needed to mentally prepare himself. 

Almost there. Almost there. 

The mental battle continues as he grits his teeth. 

Slowly and carefully Kunikida initiates the movement. His arm rise and there's a feeling of the joints in his shoulder and elbow cracking as his position is readjusted. Even this sensation wasn't pleasant in the slightest. His hand reached for the handle and hesitantly he begins to wrap Dazai's fingers around the piece of metal. 

Each individual bone and joint felt like it was held together by a needle and was being injected extensively into the bone. As its grip tightened around the handle, it felt like the wrist was being pinned into place obscurely, heightening the pain release as its form was distorted. 

Kunikida applies a bit of pressure to the door to open it. It wasn't as painful as the actual action of moving his limbs, surprising the detective because of the previous extensive effort of getting to this point in the first place. 

The door was light so it opened with relative ease, revealing the strong willed woman in her white coat - an unusual change, as all were used to seeing her without it around the office. 

"Took you long enough!"

Kunikida staggers and practically collapses into the chair a few steps away from the door, briefly groaning from the initial pressure of hitting the stiff surface. 

"Please tell me you have the medication right nowand tell me it'll work."

"Okay, first of all, yes I have the medication-"

Yosano couldn't help her curiosity from running wild. 

The current brunette looked horrendously haggard and exhausted, the pain was obviously evident on his face - it was strange seeing this body without any mask. 

"But I only have that idiot's word, I have to ask questions as a legal requirement, which Dazai knows but has refused to acknowledge, so I'll just ask a few of them now"

Kunikida nodded strenuously. 

"What is your average pain level"

The woman was insanely grateful this was an actual requirement - the more knowledge, the better. 

"Based on the pain I've experienced - comfortably a 8." 

The doctor was distressed. 

She knew that Kunikida took matters like this very seriously, he has had many injuries; bullet and stab wounds, limbs torn and severed, severe burns and has electrocuted on more than one occasion, so if the detective's pain was consistently at an 8, he was serious. But even when he had wounds like this prior, he never let it affect him this drastically. 

This was worse than she could've imagined. 

Something was seriously wrong but there were too many possibilities. 

So, Yosano quickly composed herself and recovered quickly before moving onto the next question. 

"Where is the pain mainly situated?"

A strained cry was released resistantly from Kunikida as he grits out a reply. 

"It's everywhere-" he chokes out. 

"But it's worse on the joints, especially his damnedwrists" the tone of his voice was borderline with a sob and frustration, the voice cutting in and out painfully. 

Yosano had no idea what to do to console her colleague. She never thought this would ever happen here - have way more questions then any answers. 

Count on Dazai to be the one though to break that expectation. 

"It's okay, I'll get the medication he suggested"

His decision wasn't actually that bad medication wise... 

From the medication Dazai chose, Yosano could tell this was to do with the body itself now. 

She knew her colleague was having a field day compared to poor Kunikida over there. This will have probably been the healthiest Dazai will have ever felt. The doctor couldn't help but feel for the man before her right now. It can't be easy for him. 

She explained doses and said if they weren't working to try and come back but if he couldn't to give her a call. 

Kunikida nodded gratefully. 

"Now go home and rest Kunikida, I'll come see you in the morning. Dazai will finish your paperwork for today so don't worry about that. I promise you, that Dazai will take care of it... Correctly"

The woman's words reassured Kunikida. He knew that she could get to the bottom of this and keep Dazai on track. If he doesn't, Yosano will make arrangements. The detective trusts her. 

"Now go home, I'll assign Kyouka to escort you"

He nodded in agreement. 

____________

The agency members weren't surprised to see Kunikida go home. 

They all knew he wasn't at his best. 

"I hope Kunikida gets well soon"

"Trust me! He will be fine Atsushi-kun! I'll look after him!"

Inside, the turmoil Dazai was dealing with was starting to eat him alive. 

"With that said! I'll go check on him now! Kyouka should've left by now anyway!"

Atsushi shook his head in disappointment knowing that Dazai would not be returning and the poor 19 year old didn't want to finish his paperwork. 

The apprentice watched his mentor leave and sighed looking towards, the most likely, towering high pile he would have to complete. 

Surprisingly, much to the shock of the weretiger, there was not a single sheet of loose paper to be seen. 

His desk was organized, clean and structured. Not like Kunikida's standard, it definitely had touches only Dazai could do, such as, creating intricate illusions with pens and files and new locks on his draws that no doubt he would try and pick later. It was an extremely strange hobby that the weretiger had subtly picked up on from time to time when his mentor had just a little more life and energy than usual. 

Atsushi wasn't the only one to notice the changes. 

Ranpo had come back only 15 minutes prior to Dazai's disappearing act, and was thoroughly inspecting the desk from a distance. Actually, he was completely encaptivated by the enigma. 

"Ranpo, do you have any idea what this is about?"

Atsushi looked incredibly concerned. 

"No, but I have theories. I'll to figure it out soon don't you worry! I'm the greatest detective after all!"

"That you are Ranpo" The weretiger smiled at his optimistic egotistical attitude. He was definitely needing some of that today. 

________

The door carefully opened to Kunikida's apartment. 

"Hey Kunikida!"

He saw his colleague laying on the sofa with the post it note that Dazai found this morning. 

"So, you got a note?"

There was silence for a moment. 

"Yes, quite interesting wasn't it!"

The current brunette sighed. 

"Something's not right with this. You know that."

Dazai just nodded their head. 

"This note, what does it mean when they say enjoy the relief?"

"Ah you know... it's a nice change not being hastled with the tasks of every day life"

Kunikida had no frickin idea what Dazai meant. He doesn't want to. 

"What do you mean? This pain?"

Dazai doesn't reply for a minute, trying to think of the correct way to answer. 

"Kunikida, this pain was supposed to be mine to bare. I've been given a vacation but unfortunately, you were given the curse. I will help carry that curse with you until I am given the it back. I apologuse that you even have to have it in the first place"

The blond didn't know how to respond. 

This honesty he had never seen before from his collegue. 

He seemed genuine about assisting Kunikida this time. 

"Are you going to explain anything to me then?"

"Not a chance, but I'll teach you how to live with them if a problem arises"

"I... have to keep to my schedule though"

"I'll complete your ideal for the next 5 days, I should be capable in this body"

In this body? 

"Wait... Does that mean you're like this often?"

"More often than not unfortunately Kunikida"

The detective's eyes widen with shock. 

"You survive your life like this?! Do you actually want to die?"

Dazai shook his head. 

"I am suicidal Kunikida, but I haven't seriously attempted in a few months. Don't even try and figure out why, it's not for the physical pain if that's what you're thinking!" Dazai chuckles softly. Deciding to grant Kunikida a slither of truth. 

"Don't worry your already manic head, I'll help you through it"

Kunikida was grateful for the support, but was deeply concerned. Dazai was right though, he could never figure out the former brunette's psychology. They'll always be that barrier between them, but maybe nowthey'll be able to build a ground for supporting each other, rather than raw emotional connections and understanding. That'll have to be saved for a soul that's connected to Dazai's in more ways than just trust. It needs to be a soul that has the capacity to care through honest emotion and patience.

That will be something Kunikida will never have. He will always be loyal to his ideals and Dazai doesn't allign with them. His past is too bleak. Their friendship will have to be built on trust and care. 

They have a lot of work to even get to that point though. 

Kunikida and Dazai talked for 2 hours about the serum, deciding to tell the others about their theories at a later date, as well as talking about how they were going to function at work briefly and their coworkers' possible responses. 

It was soon 5:30 and an alarm went off. 

"Oh yeah, what are you planning to do for dinner Dazai?"

"Uhh.. nothing?" 

Kunikida shakes his head. No. This will not do. But he can't move or cook in this body, which makes him wonder.. "Do you even know how to cook?" 

Raising an eyebrow, the former brunette says "Yeah, Kunikida~Kun, why wouldn't I?" 

"But more than just instant ramen?" 

"Of course!" 

"The vegetables added in the noodles don't count." 

Dazai doesn't have a comeback for that, so he just sticks out his tongue. A look that Kunikida's body should never wear. 

The man sighs, he doesn't understand how Dazai survived every day like this. He can barely function or do his daily tasks because of these bodily restrictions, which provokes the thought of what happened to cause his body to spiral into this severe state in the first place? Since he isn't moving, the pain is somewhat more bearable - plus the medications Yosano prescribed him helped. Although not completely, it still does something. 

"No Dazai. We are having dinner." Kunikida says firmly, making no room for argument.

"We are going to have a good, healthy, well balanced meal." He can correctly assume that Dazai has rarely, if ever, had a meal consisting of all the correct nutrients and healthy food groups acceptable to be a full meal. He can tell that alone by the disgusting, unenergized feeling this body has, other than the pain.

Dazai wants to complain. He really does. But he also knows that it isn't normal in the every day life to not eat as often as he does. 

Standing up, the former brunette lets out a sigh as he stretches. Going into Kunikida's kitchen he starts to survey the options of the cupboards and fridge before saying "Can't we just have something simple tonight? Like takeout?" 

Rolling his eyes, Kunikida wants to get himself up and go over to Dazai to give him a proper lesson on what is and isn't good food to eat. And while he does like takeout from time to time, Dazai's body needs actual vitamins and nutrients. 

Beginning to move, Kunikida is about to stand up when collateral pain hits him, causing him to fall back down with a groan. Dazai does no more than sigh and shake his head. "I wouldn't do that if I were me, Kunikida~!" he hums. 

This is going to be a long few days. 

Even moving his neck a fraction of an amount now is more than enough for the detective. He hates to admit that he might actually have to listen to Dazai more. 

The idea horrifies him. 

In the end, they settle for ramen -something they both didn't know Kunikida owned- in the promise that they would eat something proper the next day. It was a battle for Kunikida to eat anything. He tried so earlier after Yosano had given him medication, but had felt queasy and nauseous and still in a lot of pain, ending in him not eating much. That is one of the reasons it was so crucial for him to have a balanced meal tonight before he reluctantly agreed to ramen after Dazai's persistence. Homemade, of course. 

Quickly figuring out where everything is in Kunikida's kitchen, Dazai gets to work making their food. 

Kunikida had to talk Dazai through the steps on what to do since he is making the ramen from scratch since the formerly blond detective refuses to have instant ramen. 

While making it, Dazai spills water on himself and it rolls down his sleeve. In response, irritated by the texture as it's one he can get dysregulated by, he shoves up his sleeves. A flash of the bandage comes into view, making Kunikida raise an eyebrow from his place on the table, in the kitchen. He had to move places with the help of the other since he couldn't just sit and watch his partner stumbling around, in his once, organized kitchen as he scrambles around for anything. 

Once everything is finished, taking more time then it would normally take Kunikida, but understandable since Dazai has never made ramen fresh before, the two sit down at Kunikida's table with matching ceramic bowls of hot, steaming ramen. 

After saying their thanks (or whatever the hell it is they do) the pair start to eat with their chopsticks. 

Considering it was seemingly Dazai's first time making ramen from scratch, Kunikida was quite surprised to find that it didn't even taste bad. 

It's quite suspicious. It shouldn't be this good if this was really his first time.

Narrowing his eyes, Kunikida looks up at Dazai slowly to not put too much pain in his neck "This isn't your first time making ramen. Is it?" 

Laughing, Dazai just smiles at his partner "What do you mean, Kunikida~Kun~!" 

He continues to laugh lightly while the other sputters since he had made it out like he has never made any type of pasta before, purposely messing up to further prove his lie. 

"Dazai." Kunikida says suddenly "What's with the bandages on my- er your.. our arm?" 

"Oh.. uh it's kinda a long conversation. Can we do it after we eat?" The former brunette asks, slightly nervous. He's worried about what's to come after they eat. He knows Kunikida's schedule by heart since he likes to ruin it as much as possible. So he knows that after eating dinner, Kunikida likes to do some work and then shower and that means he'll see everything. This will bring up conversations and realizations that everything Dazai has worked so hard to conceal isn't actually a joke, but his reality. And frankly, he would rather die than experience the inevitable. 

But he can't.

So he would prefer to just get it over with. 

Not seemingly noticing his distress but agreeing, Kunikida painfully shrugs and returns to his food. 

They eat in silence. Well, try to eat at least. 

"Do you want help?" Dazai offers, knowing without having to look, that Kunikida is most definitely struggling to use the chopsticks with the pain in his wrists. 

"No." Kunikida says simply, despite the answer really being yes. Yes, he does need help. But he continues to eat without the assistance of the other as he desired, claiming that if he can't handle the pain while on medication, how was he supposed to do so off it? Getting a look he couldn't decipher from the former brunette. 

Even if he doesn't want help, Kunikida can see that Dazai seems to need some. Or at least some coaxing. 

"C'mon Dazai," the current brunette sighs, watching as the other doesn't eat much "you can't be finished already. There's still more than half the bowl!" 

A look of pure disgust fills the other's face. Another look that doesn't sit well on Kunikida's body. But he still reaches for the bowl he had pushed away to continue eating- albeit slowly. The bowl looks quite daunting to Dazai. 

With that said though, Kunikida was also finding it quite difficult. The nausea from earlier had yet to leave and was getting worse with each bite he took. 

Once they had eaten as much as they could (neither completely finishing their bowls) and Dazai had cleaned up while Kunikida edited his ideals, as well as a few things in the book he has labeled D.O. they get to the more.. personal stuff regarding his coworker. 

Kunikida has a book about each individual coworker, containing parts of their personal information. The book consists of things he learns about them such as their work ethic, fighting style, ability, strengths and weaknesses, personality, triggers if they have trauma and if so, their pasts (if he learns anything about it), favorite foods, and their hobbies and interests.

Everything is written in a code only Kunikida knows, in case his books ever fall into the unwanted hands of anyone who isn't himself. Dazai could obviously read it if he wanted to, and he has. He's too smart for a code that is as simple as that, to him anyway. 

"Alright." Kunikida says, after 15 minutes of struggling to write a small and simple sentence, the nausea ever growing. 

"I need to shower. I feel dirty and disgusting." 

Dazai doesn't take that as an insult in the slightest. After all, Kunikida has much better hygiene than he could ever wish for, showers more often then himself and is just overall much cleaner. Dazai hasn't showered in his body in about a week, having no willpower or motivation in doing so. It could sometimes be so much worse. 

Dazai nods, not realizing he was biting the skin around his nails until Kunikida looks up at him sharply "Take your hands out of your mouth." he says "They're dirty." 

Surprised, Dazai does as he's told, watching the other struggle to stand from the table. He moves over to him to help, ignoring the complaints as he carries the light weight of his body to Kunikida's bathroom. 

Setting him down on the closed toilet seat, Dazai hums as he continues to ignore the former blond. 

"Okay." Dazai says finally "..How are we doing this?" 

Normally, he wouldn't show any genuine uncertainty in a situation, but right now, he isn't sure of how to move forward. 

"Well," Kunikida says "as much as I don't want to admit it, I won't be able to wash myself without assistance. Since it is your body anyway, I'm sure you won't mind?" He still has the decency to look embarrassed as neither are in any type of relationship with each other and they're literally going to be seeing each other naked.

But before either of them can move, Kunikida pales and falls off the toilet seat onto the tiled floor. Knowing exactly what's to transpire, Dazai lifts up the lid expectantly and stands back, watching Kunikida empty the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. 

The formerly blond detective falls back onto the wall behind him, whimpering in pain. Dazai is frustrated at the pathetic sound. 

Kunikida continues to whine and the other sighs, knowing round two is soon to come along with more questions that he doesn't want to answer. 

And true to his unspoken words, Kunikida lurches forward once again, this time bringing something up unlike the first time and following a few more rounds of dry heaving before collapsing, expressing more outward cries of pain, falling against the legs of Dazai who is standing behind him, unmoving. The task he was about to carry through, that being tuning on the bath, interrupted. 

"Stop making such pitiful noises, would you?" He hisses, feeling no remorse for the others' sickness. 

He deals with this daily and forgets others don't. He actually planned for himself to vomit. But even so, he found this reaction tedious, as it wouldn't make Kunikida feel any better. Just worse. 

"You brought this on yourself." 

The other just whines in response. 

Kunikida did basically finish the bowl of ramen, after all - despite the others' warnings.

Dazai's body is not used to nearly that much contents in it in a week. The bowl was quite large. 

The saturate content was far too much for his body to handle. 

After a minute or two, Kunikida says something along the lines of "Why're you being so apathetic? I just vomited for goodness sake!" Dazai just rolls his eyes and starts running the bath. 

"I threw up, Dazai. In your body. This is yourproblem as much as it is mine." 

That stops Dazai dead in his tracks. Problem? This wasn't a problem. This is normal. His normal. 

Am I a problem? 

A flashback seared to the front of his mind from when he was still in the Port Mafia. 

Dazai had burdened so many people because of his problem. Those people being Mori, Kouyou and Chuuya. Though Mori wasn't exactly much help in trying to fix the problem. He merely told Dazai to get on with it and try not to get himself killed in the process, as that would 'burden him more', needing to find a new dog to do his dirty work. The same went with his chronic pain. He couldn't allow that to slow his productivity. He didn't have a choice. 

Unlike Mori, Kouyou and Chuuya just didn't know what to do, so they just looked out for signs of a more failing body/mind and attempted to help him whenever they knew how. 

"DAZAI!" 

He snapped out of his brief mental trip down memory lane to Kunikida lightly grabbing the back of his knee. 

"What?" 

"Dazai, the only way we can even get this over with is if you pay. attention. and help me undress." Kunikida flushed red after processing what he just said. Those were words he never thought he'd say in his life. Especially to the airhead of a coworker he is forced to call a partner. 

"Why of course, Kunikida~Kun." Dazai hums, not feeling even the slightest bit embarrassed, unlike the other. His mind tends to forget that this isn't the past and his partnership with Kunikida is less intimate then the one he had with Chuuya. 

Back in the Port Mafia when Dazai was still partners with Chuuya, they had quite an odd relationship. 

Even before they became a couple when they were 16, after a certain conflict involving the ginger, they had a very close knit relationship. It comes with having to trust each other with your life. 

There were many moments when due to an injury, one of them couldn't move and would need to be carried by the other and be taken care of. Chuuya trusted Dazai with his life when he used Corruption and in turn, Dazai trusted Chuuya to keep him safe. 

Even when they weren't hurt, they found themselves constantly looking out for each other. Chuuya was always there for Dazai on his dark days when the brunette couldn't even get himself out of bed whether it was from his depression or chronic pain never mattered. He knew Dazai had some sort of chronic pain, but never to what extent. He helped him when he didn't have the motivation to eat or shower. He cleaned his cuts, cut his nooses and fished him out of lakes. Dazai helped Chuuya just as much on his dark days when the ginger felt so inhuman and inhumane, he couldn't stand himself and even his own existence. 

He almost expects the gentle touch of Chuuya's soft fingers running up his arms or tapping his shoulder twice lightly to get his attention and bring him back to the present, but instead is greeted with Kunikida in his own body calling his name for the upteenth time, slapping him on the leg, the noise followed by more pained sounds echoing the action. 

"Oh, sorry Kunikida~Kun," Dazai laughs. "must've spaced out for a moment." 

"Just help me." The current brunette grumbles. 

"Of course," flushing the toilet, Dazai closes the lid before lifting his partner up onto it. 

Helping Kunikida take off his clothing, the former blond insists on trying to take off the vest by himself and then mumbled that he needed help after all, Dazai giving a knowing smile that showed no humor throughout the others' struggle. 

Embarrassed, Kunikida averts his eyes when it's time for Dazai to slip off his boxers, keeping his gaze on the former brunette instead. 

"You really are a bandage wasting device." He mutters, looking at his arms which are covered completely in bandages. 

The injury that is causing all this pain must be under it all. 

Huffing a small laugh, Dazai stays focused on starting to unwind the bandages on his bodys wrist, "It's not a waste if they're actually being used." 

"There's no way someone would need this many bandages, Dazai." Kunikida rolls his eyes, looking down at himself. The only parts of his body that aren't covered in bandages are his face, hands, feet and crotch. 

Getting irritated by the hair falling in his face every time he tilts his head down, Kunikida tucks the bang behind his ears, biting his lip to keep himself from making any loud noises of pain. 

"..what?" 

His head, which had previously been foggy from when he had vomited, had cleared a considerable amount, allowing Kunikida to be more focused. And now he can see that Dazai's body is completely covered in marks. He just wanted to see what injury was the one causing all this pain. Now he realizes it was many injuries. 

"Dazai.. what is this?" 

Feeling frustrated, Dazai stays silent, pursing his lips together tightly into a thin line, afraid of the consequence if he accidentally says something he isn't supposed to, or if he shows too many of his emotions. 

Chestnut eyes fill with horror as the white and slightly red splotched gauze is unwound from their place hugging Dazai's skin. As they're lifted, revealing scars. So. Many. Scars. 

Upon papery thin skin, hundreds if not thousands of marks litter the flesh, some years old and some as fresh as only a few days. 

Cuts thin and thick, deep and shallow, of different widths and lengths, some an angry red to deep purple and others lighter than the skin, a color so light, it would put paper to shame if the original skin color didn't already do that. 

Kunikida can't tear his gaze from the wounds, eyes trailing to Dazai legs which is what the current blond is in the middle of working on. Bruises. There are bruises everywhere. Over his chest, some as big as his own first and others smaller than a nickel mainly litter Dazai's torso. But one that particularly caught his attention, was a massive scar slashed diagonally across his chest, creating quite a mess of mangled flesh. 

The next thing Kunikida notices is how prominent Dazai's rib cage is. Actually, his bones stick out everywhere. Brittle and rigid, sticking out in some areas it doesn't take a doctor to know that this can't be healthy. 

"Holy shit.." 

Pausing, Dazai looks up at his partner with wide eyes. It's a known fact that Kunikida does not curse. No matter what. Even Atsushi curses more than he does and the innocent kitten does it ever so rarely. Dazai has only ever heard Kunikida curse twice. Both times he was the main culprit to the profanity. 

"What?" Dazai asks slowly, unsure of how to respond to this 

He doesn't get a verbal response, but meeting the chestnut gaze of his friend is enough of an answer. 

"Okay. Well." Dazai says after an awkward moment, standing up. He has all the bandages in a neat pile on the sink's counter, confusing Kunikida who expected him to just throw them out. Why would he waste his time neatly folding something destined for the garbage? "The bath is good. So let's get going." 

"So we're just going to ignore all this?!" 

"They're not all self harm," Dazai says, as if that was reassuring. Looking back down at the body he can temporarily technically call his own, Kunikida sucks in a sharp breath. That doesn't reassure him in the slightest because whether they're all self-inflicted or not, quite a lot of them are and the ones that don't terrify the former blond who can only imagine where they must have come from. A few of them were from the agency since Dazai allows himself to be hurt sometimes so badly that it would cause scarring. If only he knew how many had been hidden from the prying eyes of his coworkers. 

"Like this," Dazai traces a finger down the thick, diagonal scar on his body's chest, causing Kunikida to shiver "I got that from a scythe,"

Kunikida eyes the mark warily 

"Or this," next Dazai traces a mark on the stomach. "I got this one from Chuuya," he chuckles with a fond look in his eyes. "I was desiring some pain and he threw it perfectly. This one too," he points to one on his thigh, "the Chibi always had such a temper, but admirable aim. Too bad he never knew how to use it on the battlefield." He would take any opportunity to mention the short tempered ginger that he so fondly adores. 

Dazai continues to point at different marks Chuuya Nakahara, the mafia executive, supposedly caused; telling the stories behind them in great detail with a fond expression - horrifying Kunikida to the core and draining what little color was left in his face. His working partner continues as if he's telling a story of his high school classmate or friends getting in trouble for something that the cunning brunette had done and gotten away with. What was concerning though, was that he was telling stories of true brutality and abuse that had actually happened to him. 

"Okay. Enough." Kunikida says, once he had more than enough of his gory stories. He grabs Dazai's hand when he goes to point at another mark on his leg. Eyes pausing when they land on the mark on his thigh. It's covered by a lot of scars, like Dazai was trying to to cut it off with a blade. 

"What is that?" He asks. He knows he probably shouldn't, since this is personal information and it's enough that he even gets to see any of it. But he can't swallow up words that have already been spoken "Er sorry. Never mind." He says quickly, avoiding Dazai's dark gaze. 

That is a mark he never wants to see again. He can see it even more now from a different point of view than his own. I'll have to fix that when I get my body back. He makes a mental note. 

"Let's get up." Dazai says and Kunikida nods, feeling bad now. 

Standing up slowly to try to avoid as much pain as possible, the former teacher grabs onto Dazai for support, which is silently given. Dazai watches Kunikida as he turns to the now full tub, his eyes widening at the sight of his back. 

Of course, he knew not to expect his back to be a clean canvas, but he always thought it to be much cleaner than this. 

Sucking in a breath, Dazai has to keep himself from making any other type of reactions. Scars litter his back all caused by the same one person other then the round scars from bullets. Mori Ogai. Dazai knew he did stuff to him, such as carving his initials into Dazai's flesh and purposely slicing his skin open with a scalpel, making the wounds deep enough to scar, but he doesn't remember Mori focusing on his back this much. Ignoring his spine and shoulder blades sticking out, hazel green eyes land on his lower back that is facing him. In small letters are the words 'Property of M. O' decorated with other marks for design. Marks from the whips boldest here. 

"The bastard did it twice?!" 

Dazai was extremely confused how in the many years after this was carved, he never once noticed it. Then the many memories of him trying Mori's concoctions in his sessions to not remain conscious came to mind. The teenager took any drug he could get. It was such an unhealthy dependency, yet his only ticket for survival.

"Dazai?" Kunikida asks, placing his foot on the floor. He had been struggling to lift his legs high enough to step into the bath, but paused when he heard the other mutter something. Turning around, he pauses sucking in a breath. The expression on his face is terrifying. He looks ready to murder someone. A look Kunikida never knew he could have along with the look of absolute horror. A combination that is spine chilling to look at - an impending doom. 

"Dazai?" He asks again, more firmly "Stop spacing out and help me." 

Shaking his head, Kunikida watches Dazai focus on him again, a terrifyingly fake smile spreading across his lips "Of course, Kunikida~Kun," he hums, moving forward to do as asked. 

Finally settling into the tub, Kunikida is surprised to find that despite the water being steaming hot, it doesn't burn his skin like it normally would. Relaxing in his water, the former blond slides down as heat seeps into his aching muscles. 

Kunikida expected Dazai to say something about the action, or really anything at all. But after one too many moments of silence, he slips his eyes open to see the other looking at the soaps with an unreadable expression. 

"Dazai, stop spacing out."

"Hm? Oh I'm not, Kunikida~Kun," Dazai hums "I'm just trying to figure out why anyone would have this many soaps if they all do the same thing." 

"You probably use that all in one for your hair." Kunikida replies, getting a happy hum of agreement in response, causing Kunikida to wrinkle his nose "Just hurry up. Would you? You need the-"

"I know what I need." Dazai cuts him off, grabbing all the necessary soaps. Despite acting like he has never seen this many soaps in someone's house before, he has. Not only has he seen them, but he has been taught by that person how to use everything and Kunikida has mainly similar soaps as that certain ginger, though Dazai notes that the blond has a considerably less amount then the other and of cheaper brands - not that he's surprised. 

Setting everything on the toilet seat that he knew Kunikida would force him to bleach later, Dazai sits on the floor, relishing in the freedom to sit in any position he wants to, moving to his knees like he was able to do so long ago in his earliest years, slightly shocked that he could even remember. 

Rolling up his sleeves which he had pulled down after making their ramen, Dazai reveals the bandage once again, reminding Kunikida of what they were going to be talking about. 

"Alright. Let's get this over with." He huffs, eyeing Kunikida's loofah but ignoring it, picking up the correct soaps, but the man reaches up to stop him "What's wrong, Kunikida~Kun?" he tilts his head 

"Use the loofah."

Dazai shakes his head "No." 

"Why not?" 

"It'll hurt the cuts." He says simply and Kunikida nods, seeming to forget there aren't any fresh wounds, all the fresh ones scabbing over already to the point where it shouldn't hurt as much as Dazai's voice seems to hint it would. The real reason being the former brunette despises handling the texture. 

"Umm.." Kunikida says as Dazai starts lathering the soap over his rough skin, recalling how Chuuya had taught him to do it. He knows Kunikida most definitely does it like that. If he's being honest, most of the time Dazai doesn't even sometimes use soap and would merely get his body wet and call it a day, but if he did use it, he would simple put the product on his skin rather then use a loofah. 

"What's up?" Dazai asks despite already knowing what's going to happen next 

"Can you tell me why there's a bandage on myself?" He asks 

Dazai hums a dull tone to infuriate the other since it's neither agreeing nor denying to speak about it. 

"Dazai."

"Calm down, Kunikida~Kun, - sit up - it's nothing to worry about. Just a habit that's hard to break." 

"Uncover it." 

"Once my hands aren't covered in soap," Dazai agrees. The feeling of wet bandages is really starting to bother him anyway. 

As promised, Dazai rinses his hands off in the soapy bath water after washing the soap off Kunikida, drying them on his pants before unwrapping and tossing the bandage to reveal a three lines of scabbed over scratches and one on the palm. 

"What did you do?" Kunikida can't hide the anger. Dazai is ruining his body.

"It was an accident Kunikida~Kun," Dazai says "It won't even leave a mark. Calm down. We just need to cut your nails, okay?" 

"What?" 

Sighing, Dazai forgets once again that Kunikida and Chuuya don't share a brain. "I have a habit of scratching. Which is why my nails are always short. I'm sure you've written that in that little book of yours somewhere. So to prevent more of these, I need to cut your nails." 

Kunikida takes a deep breath. He likes the length of his nails, and while they can and will grow back, it will bother him until they reach the correct length once again. But he also doesn't want Dazai leaving more marks on his skin. 

"Fine. We'll do that after. I'm cutting them." 

"Sure, sure. Whatever you want." Dazai waves his hand, grabbing the soaps for his hair. "Let's continue now, yeah?" 

Despite seeming to want to rush this along, Dazai takes his time washing the brunette locks, marveling at how nice they are to the touch. "I now understand your obsession, Chibi." He mutters under his breath low enough for Kunikida to not catch. 

Despite other issues, they decide to discuss everything after both have been showered and cleaned. Both deciding separately to try to ignore the odd feeling of either watching themselves clean themselves or cleaning themself from a point of view that's not their own. It feels weird. It feels wrong. 

Now, once Dazai helps Kunikida out of the bath is the part he is dreading the most. Teaching him how to wrap his wounds. 

Although he would prefer if he just did the bandages himself and request that Kunikida doesn't look, he knows he can't do that. He needs to actually teachhim. 

Sighing, Dazai picks up the guaze from the sink, bringing it into Kunikida's room where he is sitting on his futon wrapped in a towel. 

Groaning internally, Dazai sits done next to him "Give me your arm." 

Doing as he's told, Kunikida watches as Dazai starts winding a long piece of bandage, explaining what to do as he's doing it 

"Wait. Where's that from?" He asks suddenly

"The bandages in my bag?" He lies. Dazai doesn't like wasting materials and the bandages he had used before are still reusable for the time being. But he knows Kunikida would never in a million years approve of that, so he went with twisting the truth. 

Kunikida nods. It's only later that he remembered he doesn't have his bag since he left it at home that morning, leading him to wonder why he would lie. 

It's a long process, but eventually everything is wrapped and with the help of Dazai, Kunikida gets dressed in pajamas. Actual pajamas and not just sweat pants and t-shirts like Dazai wears. Kunikida's pajamas look so textured and uncomfortable, just thinking about the feeling against his skin causes him to shudder and makes him want to gag. Ew. 

"Aren't you going to go shower?" Kunikida asks and Dazai shakes his head 

"I'll shower later when I go back to my dorm."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Dazai smiles 

Not wanting to find Kunikida in a similar situation to one Chuuya has found him in multiple times before, Dazai had Kunikida promise that he wouldn't find the former blond passed out on the floor halfway from the bathroom to his bed having given up and in pain (which the past teacher had thought was a stupid promise to make) that Dazai leaves the man's apartment to his own, trying his hardest to keep everything together as he rushes across the streets of Yokohama, just wanting to go home after a longday. He doesn't even stop to relish in the lack of pain in his limbs as he does so. He'll save that for a different day. 

Only after getting himself to the safety of his apartment does he allow himself to finally release the loud, pent up groan of complete irritation and annoyance, thumping his fist against his right thigh a couple of times, cursing himself for everything he has allowed Kunikida to find out, dreading the future and the conversations to come. 

"I need Chibi.."