I scratch my neck ; feeling the tension and anxiety that are feeding on my soul , my own thoughts get interrupted by my therapist words " Miss Hellan ; ar you ok ? "
i smile back nervously cracking my fingers slowly replying " i'm fine , don't you think it's little bit hot here ? "
the therapist fix his position while writing notes , i can see his glasses on the edge of his nose and i just want to reach their and lifted them into the right place
" nervous aren't you " he said smirking genuinly
i smile back not sure what he want to say next , then he made a little gesture with his hand and now i see a dog on his lap , he pats him gently then said " do you love dogs ? "
i replied " yes i do , they are such loyal friends "
he fixes his eyes contact on me declaring " oh sure ! they are wonderful when it comes to loyalty ! "
i murmur quietly under my breath ' sure not likehumans '
" not like humans why is that ? " he answered me while pressing the tep of the pen
I don't like that , i answered him trying to maintain my composure " OH ! , nothing just humans can be sometimes , you know .. "
he chuckle asking " you know ? "
i moved in the chair nervously , " is just nothing "
he let out a small giggle saying " for god sake miss Hellan , this is the fifth session , and you still stubbron about open up "
" I don't need a therapist " i said more sharply
he left his eyebrows at my harsh tone then said playing with his pen " You know, Miss Hellan, your mother believes you need this. And mothers... tend to know us better than we think "
' Mothers tend to know us .. ' i almost laugh at his thought , i took a look at the clock and it was almost 3:00 pm , i stand quickly packing my stuffs then said " don't need to back again next time , your just a waste of time " he said patting his dog
i felt my blood boiling , he honestly did nothing this last weeks , just take my money and asking me questions that was not even related , i walked withought even glaring at him then i said " if you can't do your work , then just retire " , i march from his office while hearing him cursing at me and you better don't know what he was saying ; i let out a long exhale then i saw my mom sitting on her red honda , she waved at me , and i did not want to get in the car and tell her that it was useless again , after 15 visit in the offices of different therapists , nothing new , well i could laugh at myself ' what a tricky case i am !! is'nt it laughable ! ' that what i can say about myself
i opend the door and sat on the front seat , i heard my mom voice full of hope , i really can't believe this women is not sick of me " so ? " she said
i turned the air conditioner saying " is'nt it hot here " As if blaming the temperature could hide the firestorm in my chest. , i heard my mom low whispper " did not work right ? "
i looked at her and said shamefully " no "
she turned the car on and start ride in silence , god-damn it ! i hate when it's like that . You really can't feel it for sure
I bet you're reading this webnovel from your comfy chair, sipping tea, thinking: what a dramatic girl. You wouldn't understand—not really.
i turned my head facing her looking into her deep blue eyes , searching their for how she's feeling , i can catch some tears there , even thought she could never disappoint me or expressing what she thinks about me , what can i say , my big brother is doctor , my sister is a great author and she got married two years ago , now she is raising her lovely child far from us in Australia , and my younger sis who graduated from university last week , what a beautiful family that what you think right ? , and me , yes me , truly ME !!
_but who you are ? and what you did do ? _ I'm sure that what always she wanted to say .
She parked the car next to our house saying calmly " i will go now buy some groceries , take care of milo " , i nodded , then she grabbed my arm saying " hey don't blame yourself , everything is gonna be fine " , i looked at her forcing a smile " yes sure " , she smirks saying " love you " , "love you too " i replied waving at her while she's driving away .
I open the door , and i leaned in the frame catching my breath , this feeling again on my chest , burden aren't i ? , i just wanted to die , choke myself , i close the door behind me and lock it , then i collapsed in the ground crying , tears falling down like river , tasting the salt between my lips and the tighten on my chest " what a great life !!! " i screamed hitting the floor , then i felt my cat milo on my thight i pat at him . Suddenly i heard a nock on the door , not strong , but not weak , exactly 3 nocks , 4 , 5 , i look in the door and i saw a shadow of a tall man there , ' oh no it can't be him now !! '