There are three things I fear more than death:
Group projects.
Women saying, "Can we talk?"
High school cultural festivals.
Guess which one I'm trapped in today?
Spoiler alert: It's number three. And also number two. And probably number one by fifth period, depending on how badly this goes.
Now if you're asking, "Kazuki, what's so bad about a school festival?"
Let me explain.
The school festival is romance chaos incarnate.
It's a minefield of cute outfits, romantic events, misunderstanding bait, and hormone-fueled nonsense dressed up as wholesome fun.
In the manga?
The cultural festival is where two relationships die, one love triangle forms, and I get force-fed a Pocky stick by accident.
So yeah.
I'm sweating bullets before homeroom.
"So, Kazuki-kun," said Class Rep.
Here we go.
"You'll be working the maid café today."
Dead silence.
Me. A maid café. Surrounded by girls in costumes. Serving other girls in costumes.
This is how hentai starts.
I raised a hand slowly. "Can I volunteer as janitor? Or maybe background tree number three?"
She smiled.
"Nope! You'll be the greeter at the entrance. Just stand there and smile."
"Smile?" I asked.
"Yes! We need someone charming and confident to draw customers in."
Everyone in class nodded.
They didn't say it out loud, but I could hear their thoughts:
"You have the face of a homewrecker, so go use it on strangers instead of our girlfriends."
Fair.
I accepted my fate.
Ten minutes later, I was in a fitted vest, black dress pants, and a fake bow tie.
They called it a "butler uniform."
It looked like I should either be serving tea or challenging someone to a fencing duel over their sister's honor.
I took my spot at the café entrance.
Smiled.
Practiced saying "Welcome, my lady" without throwing up.
Everything was fine.
Until I looked up…
…and saw Yuna.
Cat ears.
Frilly black-and-white maid dress.
Thigh-high socks.
And the kind of blushing, awkward look that could make a lesser man pass out.
"Oh no," I whispered.
She waved.
Walked up slowly.
Said nothing.
Then stood beside me.
"I—I was assigned greeting duty too," she mumbled.
OF COURSE YOU WERE.
Of course the ex-girlfriend-of-the-protagonist-who-is-definitely-still-dating-him-but-maybe-not-really gets assigned to stand right next to me, looking like a fetish artist's masterpiece.
The school is actively trying to get me killed.
She glanced at me.
Then away.
Then at me again.
"You look… really good," she whispered.
Abort. Shut it down. Evacuate the lungs.
"You too," I said like a moron.
We stood there in silence while I resisted the urge to throw myself into traffic.
Then, to make things even worse, Itsuki showed up.
Holding a camera.
Smiling politely.
The boyfriend.
The nice boyfriend.
"Oh! Yuna, Kazuki," he said. "Can I take a picture of you two? Just for the class blog."
I wanted to scream.
I wanted to vanish.
But Yuna said, "Sure."
And suddenly I had her arm looped through mine.
Smile plastered on her face.
While Itsuki's fingers twitched like he wanted to crush his camera.
Click.
Captured.
We now have photographic evidence of me standing next to a heroine, looking like we just started dating on Valentine's Day.
The spiral deepens.
It only got worse.
Because two hours later, while hiding in the hallway and trying not to breathe near anyone's girlfriend, I heard the worst sentence in the Japanese language.
"Kazuki-kun! Let's go to the Love Fortune Booth together!"
I turned slowly.
It was Mio.
Still beautiful.
Still dangerously interested.
Still unaware that I am a living walking kiss of doom.
I opened my mouth to say no.
To politely decline.
To fake a nosebleed and pass out—
But then Mei appeared out of nowhere and said, "He's not allowed to attend suspicious romance events unsupervised."
Mio blinked. "Excuse me?"
"I'm his court-appointed morality monitor," Mei said flatly. "Any romantic activity he engages in must be approved and overseen."
"That's not a thing," I muttered.
"It is now."
Then Mayu-sensei appeared behind me.
Holding a bubble tea.
"Are we all going to the fortune booth? Sounds fun~"
Why. Why are all my past mistakes forming a union.
Mio crossed her arms.
Yuna arrived seconds later, out of breath.
"I-I saw everyone heading this way… Kazuki-kun… are you… going?"
AND NOW SOME OF THE HEROINES ARE HERE.
In public.
In uniform.
In front of a booth labeled "Find Your Destiny With a Partner!"
I died again.
This time with extra glitter.
Inside the booth, a single sheet of paper was handed to me.
Compatibility Results:
Partner: Aihara Yuna
Fortune: The strings of fate are tangled, but strong. When untied, a deep connection will blossom.
Everyone stared at me.
Then at Yuna.
Then at each other.
Yuna's face turned nuclear red.
Mio bit her lip.
Mei narrowed her eyes.
Mayu sipped her drink and said, "Oho~ scandalous~"
And Itsuki?
Was standing at the entrance.
Watching.
Again.
Like a goddamn ghost of romantic doom.
His glasses reflected the light.
I couldn't see his eyes.
But I felt them.
Burning a hole through my soul.
I sprinted out of that booth like it owed me money.
Ran straight into the garden behind the gym.
Collapsed behind a tree.
I laid there. Staring at the sky.
Thinking about monasteries.
About how peaceful it would be to just live among monks, making rice and never touching a single woman ever again.
Then I heard footsteps.
And a soft voice.
"Kazuki-kun…"
Yuna again.
Of course.
She sat beside me.
Hands in her lap.
Heart in her eyes.
"I know you didn't ask for any of this," she said.
"But… it's not your fault."
I stared at her.
She smiled.
"I like being around you," she said. "Even when it's messy. Even when people misunderstand."
"…Yuna," I whispered.
Then she leaned in.
Closer.
Closer.
Closer—
And my phone vibrated.
A text.
From: Mei
Reminder: You are under supervision. Don't do anything indecent.
DAMMIT.
I scooted back like she'd just drawn a summoning circle under me.
Yuna blinked. "Eh?"
"Sorry," I said. "Sudden… um… spiritual flashbang."
She blinked again.
Then laughed.
And somehow that was worse.
Because she didn't look disappointed.
She looked happy.
Like she was enjoying my suffering.
Like she was falling for me because of it.