It was one thing to tie up your oxen, animals who were so used to you climbing them that they didn't move a muscle while you were trying to get them in the wagon.
Another when you were trying to do the same with oxen that belonged to a witch.
Dobri didn't know what he had done to deserve this, but as the ox shook him off its pelt just as he was using his lasso to get the animal attached to the wagon, he was still not ready to give up!
He looked at his wagon. Then at the fact that he was at a crossroads.
"What are the chances I can get a demon to tie up the oxen?" Dobri asked, knowing that his shoulder angel and demon were listening.
"Close to none," the shoulder demon told him. "But you might ask the demon to turn you into a human. Then you can tie up your oxen by yourself."
"Out of the question!" The shoulder angel screeched. "Our Dobri has the full right to stand tall on his… 50 centimeters high… ok, yeah, call the demon."
Dobri blinked. The shoulder demon made a whistling sound.
"I think this is the first time we agree on something, eh, Reggy?" The shoulder demon asked as he tried to think of a day when he had gotten along with the shoulder angel.
"Look, it's our dreams and hopes for the future on the line, Bart," the shoulder angel said, as he tried to think up of a way to stop the world from ending.
He just hoped that the heavens above were not listening to this conversation.
"If the wagon doesn't make it to Mirstone, then we will be jobless, starving, and probably riddled with fleas and lice before long."
Dobri nodded. Already imagining a life where he would be doomed to serve as a garden ornament for whatever rich snob bought him off debtors' jail.
He took out his scissors, took some of his green hair between his fingers, and then cut off a cluster.
There was only one photo of himself he had on him. A photo from his prom.
He didn't know how the demon was going to react to seeing him in the horrible pink suit his mother had forced him into, just because it was on clearance, but he hoped someone, anyone, would show up.
The gnome buried the hair and the photo. Sat down by the spot and then waited.
"Oh, man," the shoulder demon said, as he buried his face in his hands. "He is coming!"
"Who is he?" Dobri asked. He hoped that it wasn't some eldritch horror bent on eating him.
If Gildana's insurance got him just oxen for a single run, he didn't want to imagine what his health and life insurance would be worth.
Which begged the question: why did he even pay for this crap?
Dobri began to cough when the dust began to swirl around him. He blinked, seeing a chubby person in sweatshirt and shorts and wearing flip-flops.
The gnome blinked.
Was that really a demon?
"Now, listen here," his shoulder demon, Bart, began. "This one is still an intern, but he works from the home office. Which is to say, you already pissed him off big time by calling him here. First, say you are sorry."
"Why the hell should I say I'm sorry? He should do his job!" Dobri protested.
"Well, you can yell at him, if you wish, but as I said before, this is an intern. He is not getting paid enough to spare your life, if you know what I mean."
Dobri nodded.
He bowed his head. Hoping not to lose it.
"Good day," the demon before him looked so, as if he was thinking over the massive life choice of his, which had led him to become a crossroad's demon. "My name is Mike, and I work for Crossroads Hell Inc.! How may I help you?"
Dobri felt pity in his heart for the poor man. Any and all thoughts about yelling at him were quickly overwritten.
He could already imagine that the demon had said that more than once, to more than one person.
So, as if he had lost his personality to keep food on the table.
Dobri didn't envy this man.
He was no better than a talking garden ornament.
"Good day, kind sir," Dobri began, wanting to be as polite as possible. "Could you please help me tie up these oxen in the wagon over there? I can pay you when I come back from my trading run!"
The home office demon snorted.
"You first have to make a claim, pay beforehand, and then we can talk," the man told him, as he looked at the skies. "Just one who has read the terms and conditions, dear Lord. Just one! I need my faith in humanity restored, please! I beg you!"
Dobri blinked. What was with these insurances and paying upfront? The hell did he pay for in the past 2 years?
"Kind sir," Dobri didn't want to end up as kebab, but the fact was that he was broke. His last money from his inheritance was under a blanket in a wagon.
The silks weren't just silks; they were his hopes and dreams! The robes weren't just black and stylish; they were his last chance at a normal life!
"I understand that the procedure is so, but the thing is, I am trying to strike it big in Mirstone. For that, I need to get the oxen in the wagon. Then I need to go to Mirstone. Please, can't you look the other way? I can give you an enchanted robe!"
Mike narrowed his eyes.
"Are you trying to bribe me?" The demon asked.
Dobri began to shake his head.
"You know what? Fine! I quit last month, and this is my last day anyway! I'll get your bloody animals in the wagon!"
The sound of flip-flops sounded on the dusty road. Then the sound of cursing filled the surroundings with dread.
When the second ox was in the wagon, the demon looked at Dobri with narrow eyes.
"You know, just read the terms and conditions next time! Not knowing is no excuse!"
"But… no one reads those!" Dobri protested.
Surely, the demon knew that?
"Well, it says a lot about you that you are willing to accept something you haven't read," the man snarked as he disappeared.
Dobri shook his head. At least he was still alive.
He got on the wagon's bench and spurred the oxen forward.
Hearing a strange noise from the back of the wagon but thinking nothing of it.