I had always had a imaginative mind. Sometimes it was a source of pride. Other times it was my reckoning. This was one of those times. This was my final day of peace.
I was tired, so tired. When night settled the shadows began to whisper, they called, screeched, screeched, screeched and wailed. My imagination conjured disturbing sounds.
I hated the dark, I heard things. It was hard to explain, very tiring to comprehend. No, it was wrong to say I hated the dark. I remember many moments in my childhood when I hid in the most shadowed corners I could find. It brought me comfort, it felt like home.
The shadows here felt oppressive. The darkness of any large forestry always felt oppressive, suffocating. It was nothing like the comfort I felt at home.
I decided to forgo sleep in the night. I thought perhaps resting during the day would be a good alternative. I didn't have to feel that oppressive might of the forests shadow. My plans fell through, the chores I was assigned kept me busy and any chance I was left in-between was interrupted.
That brought me to the issue I'd developed. Jonathan DeLark was staring at me. Anytime I wanted to have a little sit down he was always watching from a distance. His gaze was bleak but also strangely expectant.
Rest elluded me, I couldn't enjoy the comforts of blissful slumber at night because of the weeping darkness. And I could not sleep under the rays of warm sunshine because of Jonathan's strange encompassing gaze.
I considered talking to him about it. I held back, talking to him or berating him right now was not in Luke's best interest. I knew how low everyone's opinion of him had gotten. Confronting Jonathan now would jepordize it even further.
Everyone already knew me as Luke's only friend and the only one that was an advocate for his innocence. Well supposed innocence, I still couldn't believe that he actually did it— actually it was strangely within his character. Either way, he didn't have to accept the reaction he was getting. I'm sure he had a good reason.
Maybe he had a better reason that I thought. Jonathan was being especially unsettling right now.
Speaking of Luke, he truly impressed me this week. He finally made another friend, he was opening up. He was making me proud and proving the others at home wrong. He was actually smiling and making conversation. I noticed he was making an effort to listen — not that he didn't usually listen— he was making eye contact and making himself more present.
But I was truly grateful to him. He was one to avoid showing he cared but his actions showed otherwise. Lukehiem was always quick to notice little details and pick up on someone's mood. He did his best to discreetly provide his assistance afterwards. For example, without my complaint he went out his way to find a small LED for me. The little light was hardly bright but it did wonders to chase away the shadows that crept around me.
That little light was the only reason I hadn't collapsed from exhaustion. I still wonder how he found it though. I needed light, I need my light. She was far away, beyond reach. I was far from my warm light, I was deprived of comfort.
I never truly knew what I was missing until I met her. I never knew how oppressed I was by the dark until I made my way to her warm embrace. The experience was nothing short of magical, it was hard to explain. How could someone I met not long ago matter so much. How could she root herself so deeply within myself that I became withdrawn in her absence.
It was hard to explain, harder to comprehend. Was this usually what it felt like to be in love. I didn't have many people to talk to and those I did talk to were not very helpful. Especially my classmates, they seemed even more infatuated in the heat of the moment, but it cooled down abruptly without warning. It was difficult to draw comparisons with them, I could not imagine that happening to me. I doubted real love could be that fleeting.
This was the third night we had been out in this dark wilderness. The hullicinary call had gotten louder, more frequent. I fought again the whispers hard that night. I was definitely sick, something was terribly wrong with me, I knew that much. But did I have to go through this . I needed a way to silence this violent thumping in my ears.
I sat at the fire, soaking up the light and warmth it provided. ["Come"] I ignored the voices, I needed rest, I needed sleep, I needed this light. The forest finally went silent, the light was fighting off my fatigue.
Just when i thought I could finally close my eyes, maybe even dose off I felt his eyes on me.
I'd gotten accustomed to the gaze now. It tired me even more, ruined my mood and pulled my out of my lull. ["Answer us"] to make matters worse, the shadowy voices were back, my mind picked the worst time to pay tricks on me.
I opened one eye to get a good look at him. I raised my brows in inquiry but his gaze did not relent. ["Harken our call"] this was so frustrating. My patience snapped, I would not wait any longer. They wanted me to answer them, I was going to do just that. I had enough, they did not let me rest nor did they give me comfort.
'I'll face whatever is to come.' I made the commitment with a sleep deprived mind. I did not know I would come to regret it. I did not know the pain that awaited me. I used confidence to confront it, I was wrong. So utterly wrong, that night was the start of my fall. The beginning of my misery, a future painted in shadows, feathers and blood.
I passed Lukehiem and Jess deep in conversation. I stopped briefly to appreciate that moment. The smile I was forming failed to crest on my face. I passed with heavy determined steps. The terrain changed gradually, from smooth cleared soil to twigs, undergrowth and protruding branches that obscured the night sky above.
The shadows were strangely quiet. I laughed at myself, what was I expecting, some profound voice or woodland horror to manifest. The forest felt different, the darkness was subdued. Like it was making way for me, showing me the path to its dark center. I walked for a long time, but I felt no displeasure. In fact I barely felt anything as I traversed the fallen leaves and branches.
I was at peace, the world felt whole. The branches blocked the small crescent in the sky making it harder to keep track of time. Very little light reached the floor below, in some places it there was none at all. It was dark, darker than I thought possible.
There was no light, I did not need light. I was fine in the dark, I was happy in the dark. 'Light... Light was warm. I'm cold, cold, cold, cold. Light... Light was the sun, the sun was warm. I'm still cold, It's still dark. Light was... Warmth was... Sun..burst. Sunburst, my light, my sun, my warmth.' I stopped dead in my tracks, I walked so long in this dark forest lost in thought. I finally took in my surroundings, old trees, swaying branches, warping shadows.
Wait, warping shadows? I looked again, there was nothing there. I was seeing things now. "Hahahaha what on earth am I doing. Lukehiem's going to get a laugh. That's it I'm heading back, I've had enough." I laughed and screamed into the darkness.
Yeah enough was enough. What was I doing putting myself in so much danger. Who knew what wild beast or poisonous creature I could encounter. I still had a wholesome life outside this forest, I had a family to go back to, a beautiful, lovely girlfriend to cuddle. What spur of insanity had driven me to this.
I walked carefully, going the opposite direction from which I came. Though I wasn't sure where that was. I wasn't even sure if I had been walking in a straight line all this time. 'Ahh I'm in trouble.' negativity and melancholy took over my thoughts. I remained rooted in doubt.
I started walking again letting the whispers lead me, letting my hallucinations guide me. I felt a familiar pair of eyes on me, 'strange there's no one else around.' Just as I finish the thought I was swept off my feet and crashed to the floor. I jolted upright instantly and frantically looked around. At first I saw nothing then I spotted and root sticking out of the earth. 'That definitely didn't feel like a root. I felt someone's or something's leg sweep me off my feet.'
With a sigh I closed my eyes briefly and continued walking but this time I filled my thoughts with things and people I knew. Mostly of Rebecca, I will see her again, I knew without a doubt. Minutes after I heard the familiar chatter of adolescent voices and saw the light in front.
I cleared the treeline dirty and tired. Lukehiem was still talking with Jess. Jonathan was still where I left him. He wasn't looking at me, but I hope he would. That gaze I felt in the dark forestry, although odd and implausible it reminded me of him.