Here I rest, weak and sweating. Ginger scent once again flowed all over my skin, but Darren had me washed in fresh water. One could only dream of savouring sweets on the beach with your family while you play your lyre as time goes by. But that dream was held away from me.
"Come on, Doorwell. Get yourself clean so I don't have to be here waiting for you."
"The name's Dorriel...brother..."
Instead, I was here in the bathroom, dunking my body into the tub of cold water without a candy. My wings were enjoying the water, and I favoured the feeling of comforting cold. Mom and Dad said I couldn't go anywhere until I was clean and ginger-free. Darren was also here to keep me from leaving with a ginger sweat.
"Holy shit...you're a real cookie? Why didn't you tell me? Get out of that water, or you're dissolving there!" Darren grasped me by the shoulder, ready to put me out with fear of my demise. But I assured him that it won't.
"No, I wouldn't. A cookie like me don't get easily crumbled. Not by...water..."
Without my candy, I was too weak to reassure my brother. I could only utter a few words before I passed out or was silent. My brother started to pity me when he saw this cookie crumbling not by the water in the tub but by the longing absence of a sweet taste of heaven.
"Your withdrawal tells me a lot that you just had your recovery less than a month. How pitiful, you've made me a better example than you as a kid..." Darren pours up a soap into the tub.
"How do you feel when you're not eating candy? Heart rate elevating? Dizzy? Unconcentrated?"
I feel my headache getting stronger and my heart beating so fast. My tub is cooling me down and giving me enough moment to recover a little strength to leave, wrapping myself in a more comforting, temperate feeling like home—a bathrobe.
"Lack of response? Not surprised. Let's see what mom and dad now had for you without that doctor of yours. I'm sure they'll be happy to see their daughter again..."
Darren dragged me out of the bathroom and gave me human clothing in exchange for my seemingly 'boring' flower blouse. My first human clothes were somewhat different from a sweater and a thicker one.
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I walked out of my room with a pale green shirt and an overall to my parents. Mom and Dad were giving this to me and had me replace that Institute sweater with something new. It feels tight, but I like the style because it looks as the humans around here, especially my brother and his black overalls.
Rip! "Your wings are annoying, sister." My brother cut a hole in the back of my shirt so my wings could be free. Looks like my family knew I would need those wings on all of my shirts from now on!
"Oh, Dorriel! I knew that overall still looks good on you! Look how she's sitting here with us..."
"In that empty chair that Dorriel had never been..."
It was dusk outside, and the beach was closed before I could even lay a foot on the sand. Today was not a good day, but Doorwell won't let that ruin her human life. My parents were waiting by the front door, and they found me sober but still troubled. The dining table was awkward, and I could barely catch their words without tilting my head. I could only hear their appraisal, even if I was dazed.
"Would you look at this, Darren? We never had this banner hang before since Dorriel wasn't around. You should be proud that we finally did it."
"Do we even need to make the balloon? Couldn't we at least invite someone?"
"Unfortunately, the doctor said we couldn't let anyone knows about her. Terrible public press or something..."
"Dammit, I was hoping my friends could be here to see her."
There are balloons, pennants, and dots-themed table covers, but there are no candies or cake for me to eat. This is not a good party, but I know my parents would've done this for a reason. I was happy to see them preparing a huge surprise for me, but I really hoped they could give me candies.
"Have some soup, my daughter! I made this custard for you."
"Can you eat this? I hope your body can eat this! I don't want to have you empty-stomach."
"I know you couldn't eat any sweets, but I believe you deserve to eat something at least."
Luckily, they serve me soup in exchange. It was a thick soup, so gooey like a happy custard, but tasted salty than sweet like one. It gave me enough energy to hear slightly more than a hazy wind in my cookie skin. Speaking of cookie skin, now they started to talk about it.
After eating that soup, I feel more relieved and stronger! It doesn't make me feel better like when I eat the candy, but I can hear better around me with the strong taste of soup in my stomach.
"Don't worry, Lona! For a girl who was baked fresh, I'm sure they fed her well. Say, do you fancy with a mint icing on that hair?" My dad was setting the dining table like my birthday was today, and my brother was putting a birthday hat on me. I was hoping for a leaf crown.
I was happy the humans didn't think of eating me. They must have found my skin terrible to eat, unlike those Frowlings who wanted a piece of me every day. To my surprise, my dad even brought me numerous cake icings, but none of them were grape-flavoured like my hair.
"Honey, what are these icing for?" My dad caught these beautiful pots of icing on the table. They would've been a good use for this party if it wasn't for my love for the sweets going too strong in my life. Now, my mother left them on the table as a relic for a cake that I would never eat.
"Well, it was supposed to be the cake we were preparing for Dorriel's return! But I guess since Dorriel was allergic, I didn't have any use for the icing yet."
"Hmm..."
I tried one of the icing he gave me. I don't really like orange or mint-flavoured icing, but I like what my parents gave me. I quickly grabbed one of the icing from the jar and rubbed it into my eyeshadow to replace the raspberry-flavoured one. They were fresh and cleaning my rusty raspberry eyeshadow.
"Dorriel? What are you doing? That's the icing on the cake."
"I know. I'm using them like how humans did."
I was surprised to find out that these icings were never meant for a face, but I was more surprised that they were cheap in the human world! My parents had no idea how much I needed this in the studio, much as they were fascinated by me. This is what Pearl must have felt like.
"*Laugh* Oh, you cookie girl! Does that mean we no longer have to buy you makeup anymore? Say, do you have a special treatment on your hair, too? A syrup?" My dad makes a joke as he sees the icing was placed before my eyes.
I know I was made as a food, but their knowledge about cookies was so small. Mom and Dad think I would've been a human, but I am all cookie within this form. Something changed at this party in an admiration I didn't expect to be praised for, but Darren remains indifferent.
"No. My hair is already good, Dad. I only need a comb."
"Do you use candies for cheek?" My mother took her turn to question.
"Nope. Only a hard dough with strawberry cream."
No Joylings have ever complimented me for my cookie look, especially Crack and Yolk, who see it more as an insult. They think I was easily crumbled by things, but I am thicker than them! Those Joylings could've learned two or three things from cracking a joke next time.
"Since when did you like beauty, Dorriel?"
"Oh, I think it's when I started going around with Pristine Pearl. She was a mad lover of beauty! She wouldn't like it if she had even a smudge."
"She even gave me a kit, but that thing is no sweetener or icing. So she gave a raspberry one!"
"Well, I say you are the most beautiful cookie ever, Dorriel."
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These words of appraisal and admiration for my skin remind me of the first time I was made into a Joyling. It was hazy, and it was white—white all over the walls and ceiling. A little me was out of the tray, wondering who and why am I here. But the only answer I found was the reflection of that beautiful angel my father had called me.
"Hm?"
I was pale, pale as the dough that was just ready to be moulded. I looked like a dehydrated pile of sand, with eyes and mouth dried and wrinkled. I wasn't even afraid of who I was back then. I only disliked the view. I was bald, and I looked so ugly, but I didn't care because I hadn't met with Pristine Pearl herself.
"There you are." Sebastian was behind my back, wearing an apron and a chef hat while holding the tray he used to mould me.
"Hm?" The first time I was out of the tray, I was mute because my mouth dried so much that I couldn't open it.
"Me? Oh, don't mind the stain, cookie. I am but a humble chef here that made a cookie just like you. My name's Sebastian, and I'm here to give you a life of a star."
"Hm?"
The first time I met with Sebastian, he immediately saw a glimpse of hope within me. His apron was stained with strawberry icing and fillings, along with crumbles and dough. I was impressed by his words and baking skills, but I didn't know he wasn't trustworthy. You wouldn't have any idea how evil a man could be with that smile when you were young.
He praises me when I have that raw dough look despite knowing how ugly I am. While I find myself questioning my existence behind the mirror, Sebastian uplifted me with the hope that I am new and somewhat a star to everyone else. Of course, I wouldn't deny that praise from him when he even gave me more than just a compliment.
"You look hungry, my cookie. A hungry cookie like you should eat something..."
"Don't worry. You'll love it."
The first thing he offered to me was a candy wrapped in purple plastic and named "L.O.V.E" written on it. I was hesitant at first, but the scent of ginger and honey was delicate for me. I decided to take a bite as he wanted me to, and I immediately felt a leap of heart from the taste of love. My first temptation with the sweet began here when my dough started to feel content.
"See? You love it. You know you did. That's the dough you were meant to be. Loving."
"Hm?"
He gave me a purpose and told me I was love itself. He told me that love brings me to life and that I was somewhat of a miracle among the cookies he made. Love is what keeps me moving as Doorwell, and love is what originates in my dough. I was so gullible, but I know he was right at some points.
"Do you want more? I could give you more. But you had to do something to earn it."
"Would you?"
"Hm!"
We made a deal. He gave me life and purpose to love and to be loved in exchange for all those candies he offered me. All that Doorwell needed to do was to share love and passion among the humans and to always be the 'love' they needed. It sounds easy, and a dough me took that deal like no tomorrow.
"I should gave you a name. What should I name you?"
In that kitchen, I saw a green wreath placed above the oven, which spoke the name "Doorwell". I reached closer into it and grabbed that wreath from the wall, peeking at that name again because I found the name beautiful.
"Oh, you like the wreath? My niece made that when she was ten during Winter. Doorwell was the name of her favorite cookie..."
"It's the chocolate cookie with a melted honey and ginger on top of it. Then mixed with several chocolate chips and...well? I wouldn't want to call much of the ingredients."
"Old me would rather make them."
Doorwell was a name I found beautiful because it sounded comforting and loving. It's the name that I feel is close to my purpose, and it was also Sebastian's name for a cookie. It felt like I was destined to have that name, and so I took pride in naming myself as one.
"Doorwell? Well, then..."
"Doorwell it is."
It was the day when I found not only a purpose and a name but also the beauty of loving within. The little dough finally finds herself in a place where she belongs with her love and passion for the humans. A belief I am glad not be deluded forever.
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I have so much to share with my parents after this. But it was night already, and Doorwell was too tired to be jolly with her parents. So she had to go upstairs and find her new bedroom that was set already before she arrived at this home.
"Ooh...thank you, mom and dad!" I was so tired, but so happy for myself.
I'm in my bedroom, weak but comfortable on a softer pillow and a thicker blanket. My parents tucked me on the bed and sang me a song with my lyre, which they didn't do well but I love their appreciation. But the song does tire me, as what I needed now.
"So, do you enjoy your new home, sweetie?"
"I do! Way better than my old home!"
"Dear, that ain't home you were living there. A real home would let you gone out once a week, did they? Which is why tomorrow, we're going to the beach together!"
"Yeah!" I cheered with all my strength.
"Ep! Ep! That energy is not what we needed today. What we needed now is our Dorriel rested well."
"Oh, yeah..."
As soon as the lyre stops making a tune, I hear my parents' footsteps leaving my room with the lamp goes off. Dark as the night, my bed was also comfy with the love of my parents. I couldn't wait for tomorrow as I embarked on this town as a human.
"Nighty night, Dorry." My father mumbled.
"Goodnight," I mumbled to myself before I let my eyelids sleep.