The morning sun filtered through the stained-glass windows of Royal Magic Academy, casting rainbow beams across the desks of Class 1-S. Birds chirped. Mana sparkled in the air. A tranquil, scholarly atmosphere permeated the classroom like a rare, endangered flower.
Rei lay slumped over his desk, dead-eyed and spiritually bankrupt.
"Three assassination attempts this week," he muttered into his notebook. "Two were pillow-related. One was a trap disguised as breakfast. This is not sustainable."
[System Notice: It's only Monday.]
[You still have 4.5 assassination attempts remaining today.]
"Thanks," Rei growled.
[You're welcome. Please remember to scream in moderation.]
The door opened.
A soft breeze blew in.
And with it came doom in a skirt.
"Hi! Is this seat taken?"
Rei blinked.
A girl stood beside him. A girl who was… smiling. Not twitching. Not muttering incantations. Not gripping a knife with a pastel-painted fingernail. Her aura radiated sunshine. Her school badge was on straight. Her blouse was neatly pressed. Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm and—notably—only enthusiasm.
No bloodlust. No guilt. No seven-point plan for a hostage situation.
"Um," Rei said slowly, looking around in confusion. "Are you lost?"
"Nope! I'm Emilia. Just transferred in from the Westwind Province. They said I could sit here."
She pointed to the empty chair beside him.
The one the girls had, by unspoken agreement, marked as "forbidden territory."
Rei had been keeping his bag on it to prevent exactly this situation.
"That's—uh—technically a minefield," he mumbled.
But it was too late.
Emilia sat down, smiled brightly, and took out a notebook covered in flowers and motivational quotes. She even hummed. Hummed, like a person with a functioning sense of peace and no outstanding warrants.
And in that exact moment—
Five magical alarms triggered in five different corners of the academy.
ALERT: NEW FEMALE SIGNATURE DETECTED WITHIN 0.5 METERS OF HUSBAND.
NO PRIOR RECORD OF VIOLENT BEHAVIOR.
UNREGISTERED AFFECTION LEVELS: UNKNOWN.
COMMENCE CODE PINK — POSSIBLE STABLE RELATIONSHIP.
In the "Wife Faction: Dragonfire Dormitory"
Drakana kicked down a stone wall.
"WHO IS SHE?!"
Her lieutenant, a trembling lizard girl named Minari, held up a glowing crystal.
"She—she smiled at him. Just… smiled. No curses. No death threats. Just smiled."
Drakana's eyes narrowed. Flames licked the ceiling. Her claw tightened around her halberd.
"She dies."
In the "Wife Faction: Maidwatch HQ"
Rosette typed on five floating surveillance screens, her eyes blank and calculating.
"New target logged. Emilia. Student number 879. GPA irrelevant. Threat level: Critical. Morality: Suspiciously high."
The pillow beside her, Spy-chan, squeaked in fear.
Rosette leaned forward. "Initiate Operation: Normality Must Die."
In the "Holy Cult of Husbandology"
Lilia stood on a makeshift pulpit made of desks and chalkboards, waving a hymnal titled The Book of Rei: Annotated Obsessions.
"She speaks without trembling," she intoned to a sea of glassy-eyed cultists. "She is not possessed by holy delusions of jealousy. She is unclean."
The followers wailed.
"She must be converted!" Lilia shrieked. "Or cleansed."
In the "Royal Sisterhood of Imperial Affection (RSIA)"
Princess Seraphina crushed her teacup.
"This is high treason," she whispered. "How dare a commoner approach His Highness without divine permission?"
Behind her, royal guards donned armor.
"Mobilize the Poetry Assassins," she ordered. "I want her reputation ruined by lunchtime."
In the "Classroom of the Damned"
Rei felt a chill run down his spine as Emilia leaned closer.
"So, Rei, do you like magic theory? I heard this professor is super tough."
He glanced at her. Big smile. No knives. Still humming.
"...This feels illegal."
[System Warning: You are experiencing symptoms of interaction with a "normal girl."]
[Proceed with extreme caution. Side effects may include hope, trust, and unexpected happiness.]
[Do you wish to suppress these feelings? Y/N]
Rei slammed [Y].
And then the door exploded.
Literally.
BOOOOOM.
Five girls entered from five directions.
Smoke curled in the air. Lightning sparked. Magical pressure cracked floor tiles. One girl floated upside down. Another burst through the window on a summoned wyvern. A third emerged from a shadow portal shaped like a heart.
"REI~!" they all chorused.
Emilia blinked. "Uh. Are they friends of yours?"
Rei slumped forward. "In a manner of speaking, yes. In another manner… they are emotional WMDs."
The classroom devolved into chaos.
Rosette placed an anti-personnel rune under Emilia's chair.
Drakana challenged her to a duel using only flame breath.
Lilia began baptizing nearby desks with rosewater and chanting in an ancient dialect of Delusional Latin.
Princess Seraphina made a public announcement to the entire school via magical PA system:
"ATTENTION: Rei von Eisenhardt is already wed in the eyes of fate, history, and several unknowable dimensions. Any unauthorized suitors will be... processed."
Meanwhile, Emilia stared around at the swirling magical bloodlust.
"Wow," she said, completely unfazed. "The students here sure are passionate!"
Rei gawked at her.
"You're not running?"
She giggled. "Why would I? I think it's great that you have such loyal friends!"
His eye twitched. "…They're not loyal. They're homicidally territorial."
[System Analysis: Subject Emilia displays emotional resilience, charm, and a complete lack of homicidal tendencies.]
[Conclusion: She's either the most dangerous girl in the world… or not from this plane of reality.]
[New System Tag Acquired: "??? (Normal)"]
[WARNING: Possibility of triggering 'Yandere Alliance Protocol' at 87%.]
Later That Day…
The Headmaster's office was in ruins.
Papers burned. Curtains were on fire. A teacher cried in the corner.
Headmaster Dionysius stared out the window as magical smoke rose from the East Wing.
"Who approved her transfer…?" he whispered, clutching a bottle of emergency brandy.
"Who allowed a normal girl to sit next to that boy?!"
The secretary peeked in.
"Sir, Wife Factions are officially on high alert. Shall I contact the royal evacuation team again?"
He nodded solemnly. "Prepare the emergency raft. We may need to fake our deaths."
Back in the dorms…
Rei sat on a charred bed, face buried in his hands.
"They're going to kill her."
Spy-chan squeaked from the pillow.
[System Alert: New Sub-Mission Unlocked!]
[Protect the Normal Girl for One Week! (0/7)]
[Reward: Actual peace and quiet… for five minutes.]
[Failure Penalty: Another accidental marriage.]
Rei screamed into the pillow.
Meanwhile, outside his window, five yanderes met in silence.
Rosette. Drakana. Lilia. Seraphina. And even the quiet, fanged lady from the shadows whose name he hadn't even learned yet.
"She's a threat," Drakana growled.
"She must be handled," Seraphina agreed.
"I say we convert her," Lilia said, sharpening a hymnal into a blade.
Rosette didn't speak. She merely drew a rune on the wall with blood ink and vanished into the dark.
The last girl giggled.
"Let's make this fun, sisters. We'll make it… a game~"
To be continued…
[System Mood: Popcorn Mode Activated 🍿]