The day started, as most disasters did lately, with Rei opening a textbook and discovering a lovingly illustrated decapitation diagram.
He blinked. Then flipped the page.
Another one. This time, the diagram featured someone labeled "Possible Threat #36: Girl with nice eyebrows" being stuffed into a suitcase labeled For Husband's Peace.
"…I think I'm being stalked by my own academic materials," Rei muttered.
[System Notification: You are correct.]
[Sub-Alert: Your textbooks have been replaced.]
[New Title Acquired: "Study Material… In the Murder Sense"]
Rei stood in his dorm room, clutching what he thought was Introduction to Relationship Ethics: Husband Edition. Instead, he was holding a leather-bound monstrosity titled:
The Rosette Codex: Vol 4 — Eliminating the Competition with Grace and Precision.
On the front page, a looping heart was drawn in crimson ink. Inside the heart: "♡ Property of Mrs. Rosette Rei Ashbourne ♡ (That's me, not the other wives. Die.)"
He slowly backed away.
The pillow on his bed wriggled. Spy-chan blinked up at him.
"I'm going to scream," Rei whispered.
Spy-chan blinked again, then turned into a rune and burrowed into his mattress like a sentient mole.
Ten Minutes Earlier: Royal Magic Academy, Faculty Office
Professor Leonhart was screaming into his tea. "WHY ARE THERE RITUAL CIRCLES DRAWN ON ALL THE SYLLABI?!"
Lilia, now the self-declared Vice Principal of Husbandological Defense, leaned against the door with a glowing staff.
"Oh, that's probably Rosette. She believes in proactive academic elimination."
"…Elimination of what?!"
"Distractions," Lilia said smoothly. "And organs. Usually lungs."
Meanwhile: Rei, still flipping pages
Page 12: A shopping list.
10 vials holy water (in case she's a vampire)
1 enchanted shovel (in case she's not)
1 emergency wedding dress
Rei's dental records (??)
The next page was a diary entry.
Day 44. Emilia sat next to Husband again. She smiled. I smiled back. My smile was laced with venom. Hers wasn't. Clearly, she's the monster.
Plan: Replace textbooks. Replace oxygen. Replace entire Academy if necessary.
[System Alert: Academic Sabotage Detected.]
[Would you like to file a formal complaint to the Headmaster?]
[Suggested Response: "My wife turned my homework into a hit list."]
Rei stared blankly at the wall.
There was no help. Not here. Not anymore.
Cafeteria – Present Time
Emilia waved to him. "Rei! I made you a lunch bento~!"
Five yandere faction lieutenants dropped their trays in unison.
Seraphina's eye twitched. "Did that normie just offer a carbohydrate to my fiancé?"
"She wants him weak," Rosette said flatly, appearing behind Seraphina like a Victorian ghost. "Classic strategy. Next, she'll poison the napkins."
"You poisoned the napkins," Seraphina snapped.
"Exactly. I know the signs."
Rei sat down slowly.
"Why is my rice shaped like a noose?" he asked Emilia, trying to be polite.
She blinked innocently. "Oh! That was supposed to be a heart!"
"…Huh."
[System Observation: Either she's bad at art, or good at threats.]
[Affection Level: 39%. Proximity to Catastrophe Threshold: 1%.]
Classroom
Professor Thorne looked done. Just done.
In front of her, five wives, one normal girl, and a trembling Rei sat in the first row.
"Welcome to Marriage Management," she croaked. "A class designed to help noble spouses navigate the delicate art of—PUT THE DAGGER DOWN, DRAGONA."
Drakana grunted and slid the ceremonial dragon-blade under her desk. "She winked at him. That's attempted seduction."
"It was a sneeze," Emilia said.
"She sneezed suggestively."
Rosette raised her hand. "Can we submit extra credit assignments for body disposal logistics?"
"No."
"Hypothetically?"
"No!"
Rei slumped in his chair.
[System Reminder: You chose this elective.]
[System Commentary: "Peace," you said. "It'll be quiet," you said.]
Later That Night: Rei's Dorm Room
He tried to study.
Keyword: tried.
Page 37 of the textbook (Rosette Edition) read:
Dear Husband. If you're reading this, I've already replaced your quills with memory-gathering insects. Don't worry. They only bite if they sense infidelity.
(P.S. You should really stop talking to Emilia.)
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA—"
There was a knock at the window.
Rei turned.
Emilia, drenched from the rain, held up a small bundle of actual Relationship Ethics textbooks. "Hi! I noticed your books looked… uh, demonic? Thought I'd drop these off."
Behind her, a tree burst into flames.
Rosette stood on a nearby roof with a flaming arrow.
"Coincidence," Rei muttered. "Has to be."
He opened the new book. It didn't bite him. It didn't whisper blood rites. He nearly cried.
"Thank you, Emilia."
She smiled. "No problem. Goodnight!"
"…Goodnight."
She turned.
[System Alert: Affection Score ↑ 40%.]
[Warning: You are now in the Yandere Red Zone.]
[Initiating Passive Defensive Protocol: RUN.]
The Council of Wives – Emergency Meeting. Held in the Abandoned Potion Lab (Now renamed Temple of Husband Preservation).
Lilia slammed her staff on the floor. "The time has come."
"To talk of many things?" Seraphina said dryly.
"No. To declare war."
Drakana growled. "Blood war."
Vivienne sipped her tea. "Tea war."
Rosette dropped a 40-pound tome onto the table. "I propose an immediate operation: TEXTBOOK PURGE PHASE 2."
"Seconded," four voices echoed.
They turned to Spy-chan, now sitting on a miniature throne carved from enchanted quills.
It blinked once.
Rosette nodded. "Spy-chan approves. The council moves forward."
Ah yes, nothing like revising for midterms while also wondering if your notebook is sentient and plotting your exorcism. Rei's having the time of his life. Emilia, bless her, is either the most stable person in the world or an undercover goddess of chaos. There's no in-between. Meanwhile, Rosette's turning the Dewey Decimal System into a kill order format.
To be continued…
[System Suggestion: You may want to invest in a fireproof backpack.]