I had fallen asleep on the floorboards, rather than my bed.
My back ached as I attempted to get up.
I had rested so poorly that I was waking up tired…
Not just groggy, but more tired than the night before.
How backwards is that?
My fault for sleeping on the floor.
Goddamn it.
As I was wondering whether to try and get some real sleep…
I recalled Yorgos' orders.
'Meet me outside… first thing in the morning'
'It's of utmost importance to you… to me… to the Gimen'
Something like that.
I exhaustedly walked over to the door, and opened it wide.
Yorgos was standing there. Leaning on the fence separating the walkway from the ravine river.
"Well… sleeping in, are we?"
I did?
I just stared at Yorgos. It came off as a joke at first, but something about his tone struck me as annoyance.
Perhaps I had really kept him waiting.
I brushed it off. And kept staring at him, wondering what this was even about.
"No bother. At least you remembered, aye? Come with me, I'll explain along the way."
He waved me to follow him as he stepped away from the fence.
And so I followed.
"I must admit, Sune. We haven't been totally honest with you about all this."
I figured as much. It wasn't surprising.
"What, exactly?"
He turned around and glared at me for a moment, and then turned back.
"The reason we're looking for more survivors. The reason we can't accept just anyone."
My eyes shot up.
"As you know, our population is increasing far too rapidly. We haven't the resources to spare for as many victims and survivors as the humans are creating."
"And so we limit our intake to only the most needy."
I listened as he simply regurgitated what Caruthers had already told me.
"But there's quite a bit more to it than that."
"In order to accept any Gimen into Hengeist, we need to know whether they have the capacity to help us in return. And the way in which we determine that is simple…" He paused and turned back towards me, as I followed him still.
"Whether they have managed to survive the wrath of the humans."
And with that, it all made more sense.
They only accepted people who were strong, smart enough to live when faced with humans.
Separating the wheat from the chaff.
But that would mean my brothers, my mother, were simply weaklings, that I was the only one 'worthy' of surviving.
I know that's wrong. I left them to die.
The overwhelming guilt arose again.
Flashes of the horror.
Yorgos was still observing me. Over his shoulder.
Then he turned back around.
"I see, yeah. Makes sense." I lied.
"I'm glad you do." He replied.
He did not truly care.
"Now, through this tunnel is what I wished to show you."
We were away from the houses now, in a dark corner of the ravine.
A pitch-dark stone entryway before me.
"Right this way."
Just as when I had entered Hengeist in the first place, I was astounded by how deep underground these tunnels were capable of going.
Two whole minutes had passed, and we were still descending.
Until finally, we reached it.
"Sune. This is what I wanted you to see."
The last piece of the Hengeist puzzle was added in my mind.
As I saw it.
As the sound of war cries and blows landing flooded my hearing.
Men. Gimen. Fighting. Training.
Some in a formation, throwing punches, led by an Instructor Gimen at the front.
Some sparring each other wildly.
Some punching and kicking away at wooden pillars.
All of them ferocious. Fighting as though there were no tomorrow.
"Now, do you see, Sune?"
I turned back to Yorgos.
"Do you see the true purpose of Hengeist? What we're trying to accomplish here?"
And yes, I did.
Underneath the city, was a training camp.
A training camp surely for survivors of human attacks.
But I could only barely imagine what they were training for…
Before my mind shut down the possibility.
That's when Yorgos confirmed it.
"We are training for war, boy."
My eyes widened as I fully realised why I was brought down here.
"A war against the humans."
As we grew closer to the 'soldiers'…
I could see it more clearly.
The sight of young men and boys screaming, pulsing, shaking with venomous rage.
Punching as though they were possessed.
As the instructors only pushed them harder.
Screaming and spitting in their faces.
My vision zoomed in on one boy.
Younger than I.
A broken nose. His knuckles a bright red. Punching solid stone as an Instructor bellowed into his ear.
I could not make out what he was saying entirely…
But the words worthless, and pathetic, cut through the other noise like blades.
The sight of him hacking at the stone with his fist…
It stirred something within me.
Suddenly, Caruthers came into view again.
"Right, Sune. You're here."
He turned to Yorgos.
"You told him everything?"
"Indeed." He grumbled, folding his arms.
"Very well. Let's get started."
Caruthers was leading me somewhere now. As Yorgos headed back up to the city.
"As you know now, Sune. People can only stay here if they're willing to contribute…"
"Contribute to the war effort."
I looked at him.
"So, you want me to become a soldier?"
Caruthers glared at me. His demeanour was different now. Just the same as on the cliff.
"We don't 'want' anything from you Sune. It is your duty to serve your people in this battle." he said, 'correcting' me.
He was eyeing me up and down, he wore a face of disgust.
"But, if you would rather be a coward once again, then you may leave."
My heart skipped a beat.
"Wh—wha—"
"You told me, remember?"
"How you abandoned your family, your brothers. You didn't even mention your parents. I assume they got the worst of it!"
It was as if the voice inside my head, blaming me for everything that had happened…
Was now a person, standing in front of me.
"Let me guess… you were the eldest?? What kind of piece of sh*t leaves his younger brothers to suffer while he goes of galivanting in the forest? And now what? You want to pass up on the opportunity to take revenge?"
All the memories sprang right back. I was knee deep in the pain. As if I were reliving it all again.
"YOU'RE NOT A GIMEN! YOU CAN'T EVEN CALL YOURSELF A MAN!
"YOU'RE A PATHETIC WIMP WHO CAN'T STAND UP FOR HIS OWN FAMILY, FOR HIS PEOPLE!"
"YOU STILL WANNA BE ELIAS, DON'T YOU?"
"YOU STILL WANT TO LET YOUR FAMILY'S LEGACY DIE, AND WASTE THE CHANCE THEY GAVE YOU LIVING FOR YOURSELF!?" He was in my ear now. Drilling his words into my brain.
I stayed silent. Looking around, at the floor. Trying to escape what he was saying.
But there is no escape from what you believe to be the truth.
"WELL?! ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
"WILL YOU LET THERE SACRIFICE BE FOR NOTHING? OR WILL YOU FIGHT!" "WE'LL TURN YOU INTO A MAN! A WARRIOR! PERHAPS ONE DAY WE CAN SAVE THEM SUNE! SAVE YOUR BROTHERS FROM HUMAN CAPTIVITY!"
"BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AS LONG AS YOU KEEP MOPING AROUND! ONLY THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF!"
I wasn't looking anywhere now.
I was back in the village watching everything I love turn to ruin.
Watching my mother get stabbed to death.
Watching my brothers get dragged through the mud while I cowered.
As I did nothing to stop it.
Caruthers turned away. Trying to calm himself down.
"Or, y'know, just keep being a little chump who can't even speak up for himself properly!"
He laughed. Low and bitter.
"You can't deny it can you?! You can't even deny what I'm saying."
It took everything I had to break out of reliving the entire siege.