Chapter 27: "How to Spot a Magical Cat and Win Her Over with Snark"
(In Which Naruto Talks to a Cat and Somehow Gets a Nickname Approved)
At 8 p.m., the streets were as quiet as a ninja after curfew.
Naruto, still in his Issei disguise — which he was really starting to get used to, despite the… awkward reputation — strolled through the sleepy neighborhood. The only light came from the occasional flickering streetlamp and warm glows behind curtained windows. The city had a peaceful vibe to it, the kind that made you forget about delinquent fights, berserker training sessions, and the fact that Ukita nearly burned the base microwave again trying to make instant curry.
Kenichi had already bailed earlier. Something about "strict parents" and "not wanting to die." Understandable.
So Naruto walked alone now, his thoughts drifting somewhere between battle tactics and wondering what Kisara's hair would look like if she ever tried a ponytail. (Important things.)
And then he saw it.
A black cat. Sitting dead center on the sidewalk. Staring at him like it had just judged his entire soul and found it mildly entertaining.
Now, most people would go "Aww, kitty!"
Naruto? He squinted and muttered, "That's an amateur-level disguise. You might want to drop the act."
Because, of course, the cat wasn't a cat.
The cat blinked. Slowly. With the kind of sass that said excuse me, who do you think you are?
Naruto crouched down and scooped her up before she could bolt. "I'm talking to you. Why are you observing me?"
Inside the cat's mind, alarm bells were ringing.
'Okay, he is definitely on to me.'
And yes, she was absolutely spying.
Her name was Kuroka — part-time magical observer, full-time demon cat with a flair for dramatics and an unhealthy addiction to napping on rooftops. She'd been in the city for a while, sniffing around after catching the scent of a high-ranking devil. But what really caught her attention was this guy.
Naruto.
Well, Issei-but-not-Issei.
He was… weird. In a fascinating, kind of dangerous, "this guy might accidentally start a war and somehow win it with friendship and raw guts" sort of way.
He had no mana. No magical energy. Zilch.
But he knew things. Things he shouldn't. Like how to call her out of a transformation.
"How did you know?" she asked finally, tail flicking.
"Your eyes gave you away. Cats don't usually look at people like they owe them money," Naruto said, holding her up like Simba in The Lion King. "So what do you want?"
"Nothing." Her voice had that teasing lilt that meant 'I'm lying, but you won't catch me.' "You're just… interesting. Or are you the shy one now?"
"Nah." He started walking again, casually carrying her like a fuzzy handbag. "Just curious. What are you, and how did you transform your body?"
"I'm a demon cat," she said proudly, stretching in his arms. "It's called magic. Something you clearly don't have."
"That's rude."
"Also accurate."
Naruto rolled his eyes as she climbed on top of his head, purring like she owned the place. Which, judging by the way she made herself comfortable in his hair, she probably did now.
"I wasn't asking to learn it," he said. "Just wondering. Are there more magical beings here?"
"What are you going to do about it?" she asked, tail curling lazily over his forehead.
"Nothing. Thought it'd be cool to meet them."
Kuroka blinked.
That was… not the answer she was expecting. No begging for power, no wild theories, no screaming. Just a genuine "oh neat, I'd like to say hi."
It was weird.
But in a nice way.
"If you entertain me enough," she said, swishing her tail dramatically, "I might let you meet some."
"I'll try to match your standards, cat," he replied dryly.
"Call me Kuro."
"That's not better than cat, so I shall call you… Cat."
"Rude."
She batted his head playfully. "Fine, call me Kuroko."
"Better." Naruto grinned. "Now tell me, Kuroko — are there any other magical animals I should know about? Like, I don't know, a talking duck? A flamingo with a sword?"
"Only in your dreams, boy."
"Figures."
So they walked on — one boy, one magical catgirl disguised as a snarky furball — under the dim lights of the city. Two weirdos, in perfect company.
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Let me be honest with you — if someone told me a week ago that I'd be walking down a quiet Japanese street with a talking cat on my head who also might be a magical girl or a demon or both, I probably would've laughed and then punched them.
But here I was.
And the cat was winning.
"So," I said casually, like someone not getting dragged deeper into a magical rabbit hole, "about that magical girl thing you mentioned. What was her name again? Serafluff?"
Kuroko — the now-official name of my feline headache — snorted. "Serafall. Not Serafluff. Though I bet she'd love that name. Sparkles and glitter and all that cutesy magical girl energy."
"Oh cool, so she is a magical girl?"
"Maybe."
She stretched luxuriously across my head like she owned both my scalp and my soul. "Or maybe she's a baking instructor from Hokkaido who moonlights as a pop idol and battles evil seaweed spirits with a wand shaped like a ladle."
"…Are you making this up?"
"Am I?" she purred. "Maybe you're making this up. Maybe this is all a dream. Maybe you ate expired ramen and now your subconscious is just creating a really weird anime filler arc."
"Okay, rude."
Note to self: cats are chaos goblins in disguise. Possibly literal ones.
I tried again. "Alright, let's talk about the Ki stuff. I know I'm not supposed to have magic or mana or whatever, but I do feel something when I fight. Like this burning inside me. That's Ki, right?"
Kuroko paused, and for a second, I thought she was going to give me an actual answer. She sat up on my head like a queen preparing to deliver royal wisdom.
"Find Ryozanpaku," she said solemnly.
"…And?"
"That's it."
"That's not it. That's like if I asked you how to find treasure and you just said 'Ocean.'"
"Well, I'm a cat. I don't do exposition dumps. Go find a talking parrot for that."
"I will find a parrot just to spite you."
She swatted my forehead gently with her paw. "You're cute when you're frustrated."
I sighed and looked up at the night sky. The stars were out, and the moon looked like it was laughing at me. Probably in league with the cat.
"So Ryozanpaku. You're not going to tell me what it is?"
"Nope."
"Is it a restaurant? A dojo? A theme park with really buff mascots?"
"Only one of those is correct, and I'm not saying which."
I groaned dramatically. "You are the worst tour guide ever."
"And yet," she said smugly, curling back into nap mode, "you keep listening."
Okay, she had a point.
I didn't know why, but there was something about her — and the things she said (or didn't say) — that tugged at the part of me that wasn't just curious, but hungry. Hungry to know more. To be more.
I couldn't explain it, but when she said "Ryozanpaku," it felt important. Like my instincts went: Yes. That. Go there.
Also, the way she said it made it sound like the dojo equivalent of a boss battle.
"You sure you're not some kind of magical messenger animal who's supposed to lead me to my destiny?"
"Maybe," she said with a smirk I could feel in my hair. "Or maybe I'm just bored and you walk in straight lines better than most pigeons."
"Again, rude."
We kept walking under the city lights. Me, pretending I wasn't being low-key manipulated by a sarcastic magical cat. Her, acting like she wasn't secretly impressed by how much I noticed.
She didn't say it out loud, but I think she was testing me. Seeing if I'd freak out. Break. Beg for power. But I didn't want power handed to me. I wanted to earn it. I had people counting on me now — Shogo, Kisara, heck, even Kenichi — and maybe this Ryozanpaku place would help me figure out how to do that.
"I'll find it," I said quietly.
"I know you will," Kuroko replied.
Still smug.
But a little softer.
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So, here's the thing:
When a talking cat disappears right before you get home and your front door is suspiciously unlocked even though you're sure you locked it, it's fair to say the universe is setting you up for something weird.
Spoiler alert: I was right.
I stepped into the house and immediately heard the sound of teacups clinking, polite laughter, and my mom being her usual cheerful self. That might not sound alarming, but considering she was hosting guests — actual guests — I immediately knew something was wrong.
She only brings out the good tea set if someone important is visiting… or if she's guilt-tripping me for not cleaning my room.
"Issei!" she called from the living room. "A girl from your school came to visit! Isn't that nice?"
A girl? From school?
For a second, my brain rebooted with sparkles and romance flags, and I wondered if maybe this was finally one of those cliché slice-of-life harem anime moments. Y'know, the ones where a shy beauty comes over to confess her feelings and give me homemade bento while whispering "Senpai~"?
Narrator voice: It was not that.
I walked in and saw two girls.
One had sharp violet eyes behind stylish glasses, black hair tied in a perfect ponytail, and an aura that screamed "vice president who knows how to kill you in ten ways with a paperclip." That was Tsubaki.
The other girl — the one with the short dark hair, unreadable poker face, and posture so straight it could slice diamonds — looked like someone who knew exactly how many steps she was from total world domination. That was Sona Sitri, Student Council President of Kuoh Academy.
Also known, apparently, as the girl here to talk to me.
"Uh," I said. Because I'm very eloquent when blindsided. "Hi?"
Sona gave me a crisp nod like I was a spreadsheet she mildly approved of. "Hello, Hyoudou Issei. I apologize for the unexpected visit."
My mom, bless her clueless soul, looked like she was about to cry from joy. "Issei! You never told me you had such polite friends! I'll go make cookies!"
That was her version of 'I'm dying from secondhand pride.' I didn't have the heart to tell her I had no idea who these people were.
"Actually," Tsubaki said sweetly, adjusting her glasses with the exact amount of menace you'd expect from a Bond villain intern, "we'd like to speak to Issei alone, if that's okay."
"Of course, dear!" my mom chirped. "I'll be in the kitchen! Call me if you need anything, sweetie!"
She left… and that's when the weird zing of energy ran through the air.
I turned back and saw Tsubaki's hand lower from a subtle gesture, her eyes glowing faintly for a second. She'd hypnotized my mom.
They hypnotized. My mom.
I almost decked them both right then and there.
Like, instincts flared, chakra stirred, adrenaline hit red alert. A tiny voice inside me went full Shinobi Mode like: they're threats — eliminate them.
But I didn't move. Not because I was scared — please, I've faced berserkers, angry cats, and Kisara's kicks — but because they could've taken me out the moment I walked in… and they hadn't.
So, I stayed still, eyes sharp.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"We're here to talk," Sona said coolly. "About what you are."
Wow. Straight to the point, huh? I respect that. Also, mildly terrified.
"What I am?" I echoed. "Pretty sure I'm human. Teenage. Hopeless at math. Terrible at being normal. That sum it up?"