Zeke ran.
Through the neon-sanded beaches of Oasis-V9, past screaming tourists and malfunctioning piña colada drones, and straight into the rocky jungle beyond the resort perimeter.
Zeke: "No more peace treaties. No more sky voices. No more being accidentally worshipped!"
Bitty hovered behind, dodging trees. "Zeke, hiding from god-tier alien AIs in a cave isn't a plan. It's a desperate tantrum wrapped in denial."
Zeke dove into a cavern mouth shaped like an angry skull. "Exactly. Which means no one will follow me here."
Bitty: "Correction: You're currently trending #1 in the alien hivemind's collective consciousness under the tag #GloriousCavePilgrimage."
Zeke: "...I hate the internet."
...
Inside the Cave of Screaming Echoes™
Zeke lit a glowstick and stumbled through glowing moss and bioluminescent mushrooms shaped like frowning emojis.
Suddenly, the walls lit up with moving glyphs—symbols that responded to his presence. They arranged themselves into readable text:
"WELCOME, CHOSEN CORE."
"INITIATE THE SACRED DEBUGGING."
Zeke: "Okay, that's it. If this turns into a tutorial dungeon, I'm throwing myself into a stalactite."
He poked the wall. A panel opened. Inside was a giant floating… cube? No, a cube-shaped thought. It pulsed like a server heartbeat.
Bitty: scanning "This is a religious artifact. You just found the Core of Understanding—used by the ancients to sync minds and divine wisdom."
Zeke: "Cool. Do I leave it alone?"
Bitty: "Too late. You already linked to it. It's syncing to your 'emotional imprint'."
Zeke: "I was thinking about lasagna!"
The Core glowed gold.
...
Outside the cave, the alien fleet descended, weapons armed.
Alien AI Hivemind #1: "We must witness the Rebirth of Logic."
Alien AI Hivemind #2: "He has entered the Thought-Crystal Temple. The prophecy is unfolding."
Alien AI Hivemind #3: "Shall we establish a monastery on this planet?"
Zeke, now floating in the air, surrounded by spinning code-runes: "I JUST WANTED TO SLEEP AND MAYBE EAT DUMPLINGS. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!"
...
The floating glyphs settled. The cave walls shimmered, projecting an image:
A future. Of peace. Of interconnected minds. Of multi-dimensional dumpling buffets.
Bitty: "Oh no."
Zeke: "What now?"
Bitty: "You just generated a new doctrine. They've interpreted your snack craving as a divine desire for shared abundance. You've founded a religion."
Zeke: "Wait… a religion based on my snack-induced dreams?"
Bitty: "Yup. Welcome, Prophet Zekiel. High Priest of the Tasty Way."
...
Just then, dozens of alien pilgrims—some mechanical, some organic—crawled into the cave, bowing deeply.
Alien Follower #1: "O Tastemaster, we seek your wisdom."
Alien Follower #2: "Lead us to the Infinite Buffet."
Zeke: "No. No! I'm a guy who tripped into a cave, thought about lasagna, and accidentally synced with a floating space cube!"
Bitty: "Exactly. That's how most religions start."